Halfway through the meal I was eating, I suddenly just drooled all over my hand. Surprise!

Did you have a stroke?

Hope not.

Just diarrhea'd all over the keyboard.

I drooled down my arm when I was eating a sandwich in front of my bandmate. I felt pretty mortified, mostly because neither of us said a word.

Parts of mine hurt sometimes.

insert shart here

The hipster flu left me with a lingering cough that refuses to leave and keeps waking me up. I feel fine now, but it just won't stop. Gross.

I couldn't move my head last night cause I'd get nausea.

Diarrhea'ing on the screen.

Gambling and losing. Happens a couple times a year. Is there anything more embarassing?

IMAGE REMOVED - CLICK TO VIEW

#1

Just did pretty bad this last weekend. Probably the worst I've done in a while. I don't get embarassed when I lose bad as my friends have come to expect it.

HAHAHAHA

"Fluffy pieces with ragged edges"

And by "gambling and losing", I mean sharting. I don't gamble in the normal sense, other than a few trips to Canterbury each summer.

King_of_Mammals posted this on Oct 02nd, 2008 at 09:11:51 am
Halfway through the meal I was eating, I suddenly just drooled all over my hand. Surprise!

I had this period of about a year in my early 20s where I'd drool while talking without any provocation. It started and ended without any apparent cause, and I've had one or two other people tell me they had a similar experience around the same age.

Anyone else?

Your early 20s? I guess I am "well-preserved," then.

Hmmm, I only seem to drool while sleeping.

I am, however, still having this stupid eye problem and a general sensitivity to light.

Someone theorized that it had something to do with wisdom teeth coming in.

are you a drummer?

I'm starting to wonder if I have plantar fasciitis, ever since I had some bad shoes.

Ah cannd breev thru by node vewy wew tooday.

i almost never get sick!

but my stupid body is getting all kinds of
cracks and sore muscles. i either need to work
out more or just sleep all day every day.

solution: dream about working out

yes!

zom-zom posted this on Oct 02nd, 2008 at 09:16:35 am
Parts of mine hurt sometimes.

Have you heard of The Book?

The skin on my nose dried out today after I washed my face. why God, O Why?

I cannot grow facial hair.

Two things I learned from doing a Google image search for trench foot:

1) NEVER do a Google image search for trench foot.

2) I have trench foot.

Bloodface:

Some things that hurt are not Book-Related.

Have you read it? You should.

-constant pain in right shoulder, it pops and cracks when moved in a circular pattern. I try not to do windmills

-almost constant pain, below my shoulder blade and into my neck. aggravated by sleeping, cause i sleep on my back, which sucks.

on the other hand, my knees haven't been bothering me, which is amazing because i have been playing hockey 3 times per week.

I have also noticed drooling more and more. i think my lip muscles are failing. My dad drools a ton, specially when he is exerting himself....
you all have a lot to look forward to.

danjohnson posted this on Oct 02nd, 2008 at 09:54:35 am
Someone theorized that it had something to do with wisdom teeth coming in.
This makes sense, seeing as I've started drooling at unexpected times and have my wisdom teeth coming in. Also I learned after crashing on someone's floor and having my snoring taped that I have a pretty scary touch of sleep apnea.

dick wolf posted this on Oct 02nd, 2008 at 12:37:32 pm
Also I learned after crashing on someone's floor and having my snoring taped that I have a pretty scary touch of sleep apnea.

I've also been told I have The Apneas, though it seems to be more pronounced when sleeping off a night of booze (common) or when sleeping on my back (uncommon).

the inside of my nostrils hurt, how can i fix this

Get a humidifier.

Take a break from the blow.

Shove some asprin up in there.

danjohnson, maybe we are just both guilty of Sleeping While Fat.

I'm getting a humidifier today!

i just shoved neosporin up my nose.

meatpit, I used to get horrifying bloody noses every winter until the doctor convinced me to start shoving Vaseline up there before bed. Totally works.

i will steal my roommate's tonight! how long does it take?

It will be an immediate difference.

sweeet, thanks

Use a cotton swab, duh

My body is my buddy.

It will take me 26.2 miles on Sunday so I think it is pretty cool.

I'm sure it will yell at me after doing that though.

I used a q-tip to get neosporin all up in there, it's my plan for the vaseline. actually I'm on my way to target maybe i'll just pick some up.

Enough with the acne already! I'm in my thirties and have been dealing with bad skin for waaaay over half my life.

I stopped getting pimples when I quit smoking and started eating meat.

Finally, someone makes a compelling argument for hormones in beef.

Yeah, and my boobs are definitely bigger.

I usually eat a lot more red meat in the winter.

I never really gave the bovine growth hormones too much thought till last March, when I birthed a calf.

Did your boobs get bigger, too?

No major complaints. All bodily quirks are a result of my own poor maintenance.

My back does this.

IMAGE REMOVED - CLICK TO VIEW

I am a circus freak.

Thanks, South Dakota doctors, for saying I'd grow out of it!

Thanks, parents, for keeping me in that waterbed!

Sexxxxy.

I hypothesize that I'd be at least four inches taller if so much of my back didn't twist and turn from hips to neck. I mean, jeez, have you seen how big my feet are?

My stupid body is very weak.

My stupid body needs to check itself before it wrecks itself.

So according to most chiropractors and back specialists, you, stuffedpheasant, should be in constant, terrible pain due to so much pressure on various discs.

Are you in pain? Does your back constantly "go out"?

woah shit that back is all sorts of fucked up
don't lift anything
don't let anyone rage in your vagina

I've only been to one chiropractor, who told me that for the rest of my life I should come in biweekly for maintenance. Once my hip was no longer an inch above the other one due to whatever the fuck I'd done to make one hip go higher than the other, I stopped going, and have been fine so long as I sleep on a good bed and don't lift heavy things.

I wouldn't say I'm in constant pain, but I'd call it consistent pain. If I sit and do something repetitive for too long, like say data entry, or playing piano, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the back. So I avoid those things.

As such, I am not in too much pain. And my back never goes out.

What's this book again?

My stupid body has horribly sensitive skin. I don't have any allergies, which is GREAT, but even the slightest scratch sends up a pipin' red welt. The welt goes away after a while, but it's very red and noticible when it's there.

I also have horribly sensitive skin, which is why I don't shave my face. I struggled with various skin diseases growing up, thankfully over them now but I'm scarred from head to toe.

Ha ha. I just stood up without realizing my legs had fallen asleep and they collapsed from under me! Ouch.

Dr. John Sarno The Mind Body Prescription.

We had a guy recording here this summer whose back was similar to yours. He bent over and it was an "S".

Looks scary, but he didn't have back pain much at all.

My body is pretty smart. Knows how to defend against illnesses, metabolize fairly efficiently. Never been prone to "breaking out". Yeah, I'm on pretty good terms w/my body.

Yeah, I don't look too freaky. I don't think, anyway. That's not actually a picture of my back, but when I saw mine x-rayed I was pretty shocked. It hooks to the side in the middle, but is straight up top and on the bottom. One of my shoulder blades is a wee bit higher than the other, and it kinda looks like I have an extra rib on one side if you see me naked but... other than that I look TOTALLY normal.

I'll have to check out that book.

Can it help you get rid of urinary tract infections? Could I have skipped the course of antibiotics I took this week if I had put my mind to it?

I can't complain really. It's going to be 50 years old pretty soon and it works fine, looks okay.
I wish the top of the head part would have continued producing the nice, thick wavy hair though.

I don't like it when I have to pee and I'm busy doing stuff.

You know, like looking on the internerd and not working.

Also having to pee during:

movies
sex
a good part in a book
meals
greyhound bus rides
outdoor shows with the biffies overflowing
the gyno visit

really chaps my hide. But then I put vaseline on it and it's all better.

p.s. those of you with skin dysfunction = organic coconut oil, for hair, body and face. I will swear by it. And I'm a redhead, with redhead skin.

Apparently I share this feature with not only other humans but also munchkin cats

I had corrective surgery before 9th grade. During the last week of wearing the brace had to go to my 1st week of high school. I continue to have doubts about whether the surgery did much of anything and that having the surgery at all was on account of seeing a surgeon about it, as the cardiologist I'd went to earlier said my heart function was fine. As it stands now, I have an upside-down smiley face, the two eyes being where the wires of the brace went inside and behind my sternum.

My dad and at least one of his brothers either have this condition or its opposite ('pigeon chest')

i drool all the time. I had my first art critique a couple weeks ago and I TOTALLY drooled (almost on the art itself) when speaking about a print i made with giant penises on it. yeah. totally classy.

I just got a paper cut *under* my fingernail.
Having some kind of a sinus infection or cold thing.

my nose feels much better today. probably what's helping the most is that the vaseline is keeping me from picking the scabs up there.

Waiting to get picked up by a friend at the car shop, sneezed and shit a #7-6 on the bristol scale. Yuk!

don't sneeze while you're peeing, probably the most painful thing I've felt in a while. Bloody mess too. Thankfully it healed up within a day.

If anyone ever searches MRMB for "the gyno visit" this thread will come up.

Just wanted to point that out.

I am in a lot of pain today. I thought it was from all the throwing up I did last night before I passed out. Then I remembered that TahitianFaceMask and minutes crushed me briefly between a couch and a wall and I think it kind of bruised my breastbone a little bit. I'm glad I didn't die.

I have a cold right now. So in the middle of last night, I awoke from a deep slumber .with the urgent need to sneeze. That right there was kinda weird, but worse yet was the blob of multicolored snot that issued forth from my nose before I was even conscious enough to process what was happening. As I stumbled into the bathroom grabbing for toilet paper, I remember being really glad my gf was still sitting in the living room, and not next to me in bed.

things i knocked over in the last two days:

shampoo
container of pepper
container of black olives
container of coffee

I frequently walk around while brushing my teeth (no idea why). And often walk through doorways while doing so, painfully slamming my right elbow into the doorframe. Same with brushing my hair. You'd think I'd learn but I never do.

My roommate walks around when he brushes his teeth, too. What's up with that??

i woke up a couple weeks ago with a stretched uvula. that was weird.

I thought at first this was part of the genital anatomy

IMAGE REMOVED - CLICK TO VIEW

ouch

yes it was like twice as long as usual and i kept swallowing it and choking on it. haha.

my right hand, wrist, middle finger, and ring finger crack every single time i move them. it is bizarre and slightly painful.

I KEEP PISSING SHIT

I'm allergic to gluten. Bam.

hmm. my elbow hurts, too close to the funny bone to massage

My double-D breasts are KILLING my back.

i'm vegetarian (sure, by choice), pre-diabetic, and have ulcerative colitis. i can't/don't/shouldn't eat meat, carbs, or [most] vegetables. fuck this stupid bod. stupid.

i was a bike rack the first 4 years of my life
due to body casts & leg braces.

very met-ull.

now when the weather changes my hip makes amazing noises.

this thread reminds me of one of the most effective arguments for the theory of evolution and against that of ID: the male scrotum.

It houses the two most important items that enable a man to reproduce and pass on his genetic material... and it's dangling in a sac outside of his body!? It's temperature regulating system is strange and inefficient and the location and shape make it super vulnerable. It's the dumbest design probably ever for the most important organ a man has.

Likely a result of the aimless force that is evolution.

i used to have sinus infections every other month, and now my tonsils get huge every time i kiss a girl, but no sinus infections.

how is your urethra, though?

urethra_franklin posted this on Dec 31st, 2008 at 08:02:45 am
my tonsils get huge every time i kiss a girl...


I think I read somewhere that they have bacteria in their mouths that help them digest their prey.

That might be monitor lizards.

Regardless, this is probably nature's way of telling you that you're into dudes.

I have so much love for chiropractice (chiropracty?) right now.

I seriously fucked up my shoulder yesterday and after some tugging and tough love, I'm like a whole new woman. You should see how limber I am!

Bodies are stupid, for sure, but the things we do to them/for them can be pretty neat.

I've always assumed that chiroprators are a lateral move from fortune tellers in the medical community.

sprain/strained my stupid wrist in Iowa on Sunday.

HEAL!

I want to play!

Maybe if you didn't have such pansy wrists, ep.

You can still play footsie.

Want I should bring you some of nature's medicine, beer?

Jewish Indian I would like to see how limber you are

also, I love chiros

I'm so limber, I'm currently typing this with my toes.

beer and footsie are solid wrist medicine.

My toes look dumb and they are host to nails that are terribly prone to becoming ingrown.


terribly prone to becoming ingrown
terribly prone to becoming ingrown
terribly prone to becoming ingrown
terribly prone to becoming ingrown
terribly prone to becoming ingrown

I vomited three times last night con mucho gusto and nothing came out. Nothing as far as stomach contents anyway.

got a mole the size of a quarter on my inner thigh and a few dime sized ones on my back. I refuse to have them looked at, preferring the onset of cancer instead.

I can relate to that. also having heels that split open when it is really dry and cold out. SO PAINFUL. I have to walk around on my tiptoes a lot.

fuck feet.

My laryngitis appears to finally be gone, after more than a week. I did sound kinda sexy though.

Dustroyer, have you tried scraping or filing down the center of the nail? I used to get ingrown nails once in awhile, and it helped them a lot.

Well, I trim them straight across, and that sort of keeps trouble at bay.

try taking a razorblade and scraping off a little of the nail in the center of the nail... the whole length of the nail. someone told me that this cause the nail to grow inward instead of outward. i dunno.

My left eye has sprung a leak or something. Doesn't hurt or sting, but it's pouring tears.

EW YOU GET PINK EYE FROM POOOOOOP!

Def not pinkeye.

And now it stopped, after 15 minutes of doing that.


EW YOU GET LOTS OF STUFF FROM POOP

Ever have a UTI? I haven't, but that's where those come from too.

And most food poisoning.

Knucks, sometimes my right eye does that when I'm laying on my back, with my head tilting to that side. No idea what causes it, but it sure is annoying, especially if I'm trying to read.

Huh. For me it's always the left eye. Annoying for sure. Esp when all yr coworkers keep asking, "what's wrong?" and it's only your second day.

tell them "I'm just so happy to be working with you fine folks!" and then you'll get an advance on your paycheck....in HUGS!

I am burping farts.
THIS IS NOT A JOKE.
my burps, as of monday morning, started tasting like rotten eggs. I thought it was funny because I haven't had eggs for awhile. They started to get really thick and nasty as the day went on.

Now they are farts from my mouth, but like the worst fart you've ever smelled. they linger like farts too, like for forever. Every time I burp I want to puke from the taste, then I have to smell it for like 2 minutes.

I'm not exaggerating. These are mouth farts.

Having a baby does strange things to a person.

dear face and neck,

thank you for the hives!

love, me

debilitating joint pain in my hands, elbows, and more recently, shoulders and knees. In the last two days, I have dropped two full plates of food, a pan, a child (he thought it was hilarious), and scared myself shitless dropping a 450 degree hair straightener into my hoodie.

stomach flu for the last 3 days. My guts can't decide which orifice to shoot stuff out of so it just sits there.

Dear back,
I realize we've been through a lot of stressful times together,
but seriously...it's been 25 fucking years already!
Could you please knock it off with the late winter/early spring
breakouts? You always pull this shit just before tanktop season.
Why do you hate me so much?
Is it the shitty desk chairs i always have to sit in?
Are you angry at all the Cetaphil?
wtf?

-stb

Apparently spending several hours a day lifting and carrying a toddler stresses muscles that don't see much use otherwise.

American Pie Presents: Band Camp

KnucklesTheDog posted this on Apr 07th, 2009 at 03:56:34 pm
My left eye has sprung a leak or something. Doesn't hurt or sting, but it's pouring tears.

I had this going on with my left eye for almost 2 years straight. It suddenly stopped after I started hanging out with KoM. I had always contributed it to stress and made me look like I was always crying.

I feel like the posterchild for "when allergies attack". Eat shit, springtime.

I thought I was done being sick.
It just moved from my head to my chest and throat.
I don't get sick very often and this is bugging me.
I am not a mucus factory, I am a free man.

Fuck off, ingrown toenail. Mucho hate.

Dustroyer, what do I do?

my neck hurts a bit now. boourns : (

duh nom. 1 800 axs gary

1800-411-pain!!! "After you call 911, call 411!!!!"

"hi is this 1800 ask gary? hi i was in an accident and nothing is rong with me. do i have a case or what? how can you tell if you are paralyzed?"

haha airloom called them once and asked if he could speak to gary i think. i don't think they were amused

ACK! Sick again, for the third time since October. What the. . .?
This never happens. I get plenty of sleep and eat well. So pissed right now.

plantar fasciitis, kindly eat some elephant nutz

i too have the fascist plantar pain, in my right foot

sadly, I have had on and off issues of the same kind in my right foot. It always kicks in when I am doing a lot of walking and am super tired. SXSW it had been worse but biking this year was such a fucking good idea.

stupid allergies. So far, a lot of people seem to have it way worse than I do. Including the dog, whose snot dripped on to my lips Saturday.

Yeah, my allergies are mildly annoying, but they've been downright debilitating for my poor kid this year. There aren't any drugz that seem to help him much.

nettles help a lot. you can get a tincture or a tea.

you guys are all old

I can't Neti Pot the dog, so I resolve to suffer and be mindful of others' suffering.

I'm writing this post to the Bad Future Me...a post in a bottle....

Dear Bad Future Me:
You've fucked up your body again, didn't you? Dumb shit. Remember when you posted this and everything was so good? Good cholesterol, excellent blood sugars, losing weight, feeling strong on the bike. Sober.
I feel great today.

That is all. Hopefully Bad Future Me won't need to read this.

XOXO,
Present Me

Orbit posted this on Apr 20th, 2009 at 08:10:45 am
ACK! Sick again, for the third time since October. What the. . .?
This never happens. I get plenty of sleep and eat well. So pissed right now.

I hear you, Orbit. I got wiped out last week and slept and slept. Had a sore throat, etc. but was mostly just fatigued... until yesterday when I lost my voice which is super fucking frustrating as I have a ton of stuff to do for a group project we have to present on Thursday. I REALLY hope my voice is back by then. Fuck me.

my lower back has been acting up again. i need to get another massage again and drink tons of water. that worked last time. or i should start wearing tennis shoes again. instead of boots everyday

You should just have slaves carry you everywhere.

yeah any of you unemployed folk out there that wanna carry me around throughout the day. i will hire you

I thought I had a brain disorder, but it's only labyrinthitis. WHEW

Spring Allergies! Yaaaay!

I've had super-high blood pressure for the past few months. Doc keeps trying new meds. Now I'm on one that the dude says "tends to enlarge the breasts".

*sigh*


FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!! STUPID FUCKING BODY PIECE OF SHIT BODY YOU SUCK.

Now I'm supposed to get a chest x-ray and EKG.

I'm comin' Elizabeth. This is the big one.

p0st n00dz

You're not helping.

IMAGE REMOVED - CLICK TO VIEW

Me = Meatloaf in Fight Club.

Damn, I stink again today. Crusty-licious!

almost had a seizure today, worst fucking feeling ever. didn't happen though, just had all the sensations prior. laid on the bathroom floor for a while and drank some juice

sometimes, like right now, my feet get suuuper sensitive and even if my feet are laying flat or not touching anything they tickle. not fun.


and i have this flesh-colored, itchy bumpy rash type thing i cant explain on my arms and now neck. allergies? to what?

My pancreas doesn't work. Total bummer.

i think my hands swell when i work out, I can't close them

Take good care of yourselves, everybody!
I am reeeeeally sick of sitting around but I have a hippo to use for a pillow, which is fun.

quitting coffee cold-turkey - when you drank as much of it as i did - is fookin' HARSH 4 REALZ.
onward and upward.

MY HEELS ARE FALLING OFF! WTF.

I'm very battered from the derby at the afterparty for the All City this weekend.

I'm an old fart.

I have a sore ass.

Better than having ass sores, I guess.

plantar fasciitis IS AWESOME especially when you're a server.

Big ugly red misshapen itchy spots are raising up all over me - shoulder, neck, four spots on my face. Are these hives? They kinda don't seem like bug bites.

my throat is acting all funny after recording vocals last night. sore-ish but more of a physical fatigue than infection feeling. it's probably time i start warming up.

Yikes, Orbit. Maybe?

scabies? one of those bugs that burrows into your skin? i had something like once all over my hands when i was kid.

I do have lots of spiders, and occasionally they bite me during the night; don't think these are them though.

orbit - you def have hives. unless you have measles or something. but most likely hives.

you need to take some benadryl. do you have any?

what are you allergic to? eat anything weird today?

do they hurt? are you super stressed out? could be shingles

I've been thinking of that, rayna, especially as I noticed a couple them as I was eating dinner. But I also noticed one on my way home this afternoon. At any rate, I can't recall any food that was out of the ordinary. I've never had any sort of food allergy before.

you can get hives from stress too. dont shingles usually start on the stomach or lower back?

Orbit posted this on Sep 29th, 2009 at 10:30:08 pm
I've been thinking of that, rayna, especially as I noticed a couple them as I was eating dinner. But I also noticed one on my way home this afternoon. At any rate, I can't recall any food that was out of the ordinary. I've never had any sort of food allergy before.

One time this started happening to me. They wouldn't go away, and I couldn't figure it out until I finally finished the 5 lb bucket of peanut butter I'd been making two sandwiches per lunch out of for a month.

Have you been eating anything normal to excess?

shingles can start on the stomach or lower back, but i think they usually start on the stomach

shingles is the worst fuckyfuck

My fucking WISDOM teeth. All four decided to erupt. The top ones are hurtin' the most. My old dentist insisted there is room in my jaw for them and they're not crooked, so no reason to yank 'em. Right now I don't give a shit. DO NOT WANT.

Bourbon and menthols, V. Worked like a charm when I had that.

Vanessa - My dentist said the same thing about my wisdom teeth (mind you I never had any pain with them... ever) throughout my formative years until one check up when I was 19 and I was suddenly referred to an orthodontist to have them yanked in the next two to three months.

The worst part about it was tasting virtually nothing but blood for 2.5 days and not being able to eat solid food for roughly the same amount.

Best part: Ice cream, DUH!

vanessa: deesh! i assume that works for tooth pain, anyway... can anyone drop some science on that please

waking up at 4am with what i can only assume is the early stage of swine flu. you shoulda seen the big green thing i just hocked up in the sink.

Fucking heartburn again. Also, my eyesight has been blurry. Fuck dexamethasone. They gave me something stronger than prednisone for poison ivy?! That is so stupid.

All of my teeth just fell out and my hair is growing faster than I can shave it. My
knees are swollen to the point that I can't wear pants. My fingernails are brittle and
most of them have broken off. My skin is covered in a painful, stinging rash that
makes me look like a hairy-backed lizard person. I've been laying eggs.

That's some District 9 shit.

A roundtable of experts here at work has determined that my hives are most likely the result of smoked salmon. Never had trouble with it before though. Go figure!

Or chlamydia.

Oops! I wonder who he got that from?!

Careful. Fingers pointing back at you and all.


(fingers if you're lucky)

You're right. I was the one who gave you chlamydia.

Heh, sorry - I hafta type faster.

I was responding to Fancy Ray responding to Turlough's Axe.

But that turned out much funnier.

So anyway, Turlough's Axe is the one that gave you chlamydia.

Unexpected surgery yesterday did not rule

Yikes, sorry, fil d!

Hope you are OK fil!

So my right big toe keeps fuckin up. On my fingers & toes I have very deep cuticle/nail beds. For the last couple years, Big Ol' Righty gets a painful, annoying, fairly innocuous ingrown-type nail infection about 2x per year. Am I insane to want to drop something heavy on it so the nail falls off & I can start over without these insanely deep cuticle beds? I know it's icky, but this is a pain. Literally & figuratively

Ingrown big-toenails are horribly painful. In high-school, mine got so infected that it required surgery. I had to stay in the hospital overnight and they put me under for the surgery. They said half the nail may never grow back, but it did.

Oh man did it hurt like hell for weeks. My toe was red and I had to keep an eye on it to make sure the infection didn't spread. I also had to soak it in vinegar water as hot as I could stand a few times a day.

I got one for this thread. Back in May I was wrestling with my son and he twisted or pulled my right arm a certain way and it really hurt. Now it is October and whatever got done still causes me pain. it is obviously not broke but when I reach my arm in certain positions it hurts like hell. Hard to reach around and tuck in my shirt for instance or reach across and switch off the light on my bedside table. I must have really sprained a muscle or something. When will it ever heal???

That's what I do. Soak it in the hottest water I can stand with iodine or hydrogen peroxide. So incredibly painful. I hope I don't need surgery.

i used to get terrible awful ingrown toenails when i was a teenager. get all purple and oozing puss. i ended going to a podiatrist and they just sliced the side of my nail that would always get ingrown. after that never had a problem again

Okay, this is just bullshit. More of the itchy little suckers over the last couple of weeks. And some of them aren't little at all- they're big.
I don't think these are hives, I think they're bug bites. But of what variety? I don't have bedbugs, and these aren't those kind of bites anyway. Just random red bumps that send me into a scratching frenzy.
Still wondering about spiders.

Ugh. My knees and lower back. I'm such an old lady. I've been taking glucosamine chondroitin, which TOTALLY HELPS, but jeeeeez.

my hands feel like they have a bunch of tiny invisible cuts. must be cracks from the weather

So I don't have a gluten intolerance.
The weird eyelid thing called blepharitis I mentioned on the board, the persistent rash I get after swimming in a chlorinated pool, A.D.D. type spacey brain fog, melancholy moods and digestive issues are all connected to Candida. I have been a big walking talking fungus head for a long time now and today I begin the cleanse. Chlorine in tap water is harmful to acidophilus and when you have more candida in your system than acidophilus, that acidophilus gets transformed into more candida. I'm excited about the fungal slaughter I am waging here but also feel like this info should have been easier to obtain. On the web most sites describe candida skin rashes as a mild thing not connected to any kind of internal candida, which is misleading. What I'm wondering is if one wants to temporarily avoid all chlorinated water how does one shower?

Britta french bath!!!

holy shiznit! that clip is kinda intense.

Great. Now, my doctor thinks I may have Sjogren's syndrome and is running a gamut of blood tests and I may have to go in for some fancy imaging where the inject me with dyes.

Sorry thats rough, hope you destroy whatever it is. If it is Sjogren's syndrome you should stop eating grains for a while and see if you feel better.

Thanks, bud. I just wish my doctor would call me back. :(

I tried some of that apple cider vinegar this week and I gotta say: nasty.

I think something bit me on the leg. My favorite leg.

I'm also seeing stars but I think that's just because I drink too much coffee.

Last night I thought I was having a bad allergy attack. Woke up this morning with a bad head cold. Called in sick to job #1 but went to job #2.

i tried taking out my own stitches with a dull razor about an hour ago. it didnt work so well. hello reopened wound, nice to see you again!

"I think something bit me on the leg. My favorite leg. "

HAHAHAHA

All of my teeth just fell out and my hair is growing faster than I can shave it. My
knees are swollen to the point that I can't wear pants. My fingernails are brittle and
most of them have broken off. My skin is covered in a painful, stinging rash that
makes me look like a hairy-backed lizard person. I've been laying eggs.

A classic body disaster!

my knees hurt. my feet hurt. my back KILLS, my neck hurts. someone make the pain go awayyyy

Your knees hurt from kneeling.
Your feet hurt from walks of shame/pride.
Your back kills from spending too much time on it.
Your neck hurts from whiplash, oral sex, or both.

No one can make the pain go away except for you.

i think all my ailments are from wearing heels and sleeping funny. i havent rocked all that much this week.

*been rocked
?

whyyyyyy sometimes my feet get a tickling sensation, even if nothing is touching them. how can i make it stop

left side of face/head have been "numb" for about two and half months.
not awesome and super annoying.

Oh dude...get that checked out. Really.

it's been checked. nothing can be done
cause = unknown (but it's definitely not serious, which is good)

I might try acupuncture to see if it will change anything.

Phew! I was worried there for a minute!

I have hurt of the butt. Not like that, I think I pulled a "glute" or something climbing off a barstool.

meatpit.
5/20/10 3:10 AM

whyyyyyy sometimes my feet get a tickling sensation, even if nothing is touching them. how can i make it stop

OH MAN! I totally thought there was a bug in my shoe for like a whole week. A day of going barefoot fixed it.

I had that same hurt of butt-glute. Takes forever to go away. And what do they tell you - rest it? Hello, I already was.

my knees are swollen from running and i want to cut my legs off.

don't practice any head stands.

I've been getting into jogging a lot. My doctor told me to stop because I got really bad shin splints. Fuck.

Fuck my 230+ joints for the continuous dull ache every second of every day. Fuck them for gelling together into even more painful masses the minute I stop fidgeting, like to sleep. Fuck my head for the depression, the clouded thinking, the inability to stay on topic or remember what I'm talking about mid-sentence. Fuck it for the migraines, the bloody noses, the dry eyes. Fuck having to sit at shows. Fuck the 80 pounds I've gained and fuck not being able to move enough to take it off. Fuck not being able to work at 24. Fuck being awake at 3am worried about dying young. Fuck renal failure. Fuck liver failure. Fuck all the relatives I've lost to this shit. Fuck being one of them.

...sorry. I guess I'm frustrated.

I very much understand

sarno

word, diggles. what's your ish? autoimmune disease is a bizzo. I'd love someone to talk to about it who gets it.

Sarno? Would that work for something like lupus? Can I think my way out of it? Is it possible that my doctor, a professor on the subject of this disease at the U, failed to prescribed me the cure of The Book?

chest cold.

So, for three weeks or so now I have been seeing double (apparently the actual term is "ghosting") out of my left eye. Plus headache. Three visits to the opthamologist later, there in nothing wrong with the eye itself. It may be an inflamed optic nerve. I am off to get an MRI to discover if it is an infection, MS, brain tumor, aneurysm or some other excitement.

This is the stupidest thing my body has done in some time.

Yeesh, hope this doesn't turn out to be serious.
Hopefully the rhythmic hammering of the MRI machine inspires you to come up with some sweet riffs.

I gotta say, that MRI machine is pretty damn musical. I don't know what everyone's complaining about. Loud? People need to get out more. I mean, the beats and textures are a little dated, but I thought it was pretty good all the same. Plus, after they inject that dye you can literally feel the beats from the inside in an entirely new way as your cells get pulled towards the magnets. (I assume that's what I was feeling!)

Brain scans are pretty intense.

GET THE DISK WITH THE IMAGES. You must.

One of my friends just had a series of MRIs and said she thought the machine sounded like Einturzende Neubauten.

This makes me more comfortable about inevitable MRIs! Thanks, dudes.

There's an upright MRI place near 100 and Excelsior Blvd that's pretty fucking magical.

Making dinner with Vox Phantom will be a lot more fun once he can shoot
meat-cooking lasers out of these super-eyes of his.

Good news/bad news.

Good news: MRI says no tumor, no MS, no optic neuritis.

Bad news: they don't know what is wrong with me.

No news on the meat-cooking lasers.

I was curious what you would look like with your lid open, but I am glad to hear you don't have things I really didn't want you to have.

I suggest leeches

I can feel the cold today- my desk is by the window and it's chilly!! My wrists are sore-ish.

My knee is fucking with me again.... It got pretty painful after I got off work tonight, which means I better wear my knee brace my next two shifts at work and I'll likely be limping around if I see any of you this weekend. This always seems to happen to me around the time there's a significant drop in temperature.

I have an infected cyst on my back that was making me sick. Had to go to urgent care on Monday and get it drained, may need surgery. Have to keep it covered and a bunch of other stuff involving heating pads and pills until God knows when. Also, I have AIDS.

1:00 appointment at the ophthalmologist to get my prescription fixed. Been two years and I sill don't know if the user here is "camage" or "carnage."

Tech support for boris:

1. hold down Apple-command key
2. press + + +
3. re-read username

Your ophthalmologist designed Verdana?

My lungs have been aching for over a week, but I don't have any sort of cough. Playing the google-your-symptoms game leads me to believe it's lung cancer. I stopped googling.

Sharyn, your pleurisy can be corrected by way of a good ol' fashioned can of leeches.

Mmmmm, leeches.

Googling symptoms ALWAYS makes me think I have cancer.

I'm no quitter.

Gotta pain in my leg in a spot where I have some "very close veins." Am I gonna have a stroke?

I just had my first MRI last week! I agree, it's sounds like a very industrial composition that has several movements. Brutally musical.

Anyway, I've had a very tender sore spot on the base of my left knee for many months. Turns out I have a 3/4" cyst at the top of my patellar tendon right where it attaches to my kneecap. I meet with a surgeon next Tuesday to see if I need surgery or aspiration.

This is probably the result of a fall I took years ago where the bottom of that knee caught the lip of a wood shop table.

You're alrea

NO, YOU'RE ALREA!

Also, the cortisone shot I had in my wrist last week hasn't done shit for my tendonitis.

Also, I would rather get a filling than have my pupils dilated.

Dustroyer, I had a friend who made music inspired by the MRI machine he had to sit in while the doctors looked for brain tumors. He released a 3" CDEP of songs called Amarei. Really cool industrial techno stuff. He's dead, now.

I have an infected cyst on my back that was making me sick. Had to go to urgent care on Monday and get it drained, may need surgery. Have to keep it covered and a bunch of other stuff involving heating pads and pills until God knows when. Also, I have AIDS.

oh man dude. i went through a similar thing recently. now i look like i got knifed in the neck. it's a pretty tough scar.

I've had a headache since Thursday. I had the cold going sound but this last bit is hard to shake. Gruff

I started a lowish dose of cymbalta which kicks mondo ass. After almost three years of pain from lupus, I get a medicine that DOES SOMETHING other than make me sick. I can bend, lift, grab, button, zip, sit on the floor AND get up without help, carry groceries, run, hand stitch, stir, play guitar...all the stuff I've been avoiding or needed help with I can do again BY MYSELF.

LOVE YOUR THUMBS, PEOPLE. DON'T TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED.

It's CAMAGE

I would have put money on "carnage"

I gleek.

Vox Phantom
10/01/10 2:10 PM

So, for three weeks or so now I have been seeing double (apparently the actual term is "ghosting") out of my left eye. Plus headache. Three visits to the opthamologist later, there in nothing wrong with the eye itself. It may be an inflamed optic nerve. I am off to get an MRI to discover if it is an infection, MS, brain tumor, aneurysm or some other excitement.

This is the stupidest thing my body has done in some time.

when you say you are seeing double, do you mean double vision?
do you also have sensitivity to light? maybe the pressure of the fluid in your spinal cord is pressing on the nerves that lead to the eye (? or something like that?) which is causing the double vision (if that's what you have). i had a similar experience when i was 14 or 15, they did an MRI, didn't see anything wrong and then figured out later that my spinal fluid pressure was too high and was pushing on a nerve, or something like that. one spinal tap later: boom, the headaches were immediately gone (the vision took a little longer to go back to normal, though). random thing, so weird. it made me a hypochondriac for life though, sadly.

Now that nom chompsky has diagnosed your problem, she will fix it
with this scalpel and tire pressure gauge. Relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax.

It appears that I have reached that esteemed age where I can take asprin every day.

The big joint where my big toe connects to my foot is sore as hell and quite swollen. I'm worried it might be a repetitive stress injury since I'm constantly going up and down stairs at my job.

I'm soaking my right foot in a bowl water and epsom salts as I type. If this doesn't heal quickly it looks like I'll be going to urgent care tomorrow instead of work.

when you say you are seeing double, do you mean double vision?
do you also have sensitivity to light? maybe the pressure of the fluid in your spinal cord is pressing on the nerves that lead to the eye

I guess it isn't technically double vision. They call it "ghosting," which sounds way more awesome than it is. It looks sort of like there's a drop shadow slightly to the right and down on everything I look at.

Apparently what I had was Central Serous Chorioretinopathy. Fluid leaked under my retina from "stress." The fluid had left the blister by the time they started looking into my eye, so they couldn't see it. They injected me full of fluorescein dye so they could take photos of the blood flow in my eye and then they could see the shadow of where the blood flow had been interrupted. By the way, pissing out fluorescein dye is hilarious.

Pics:
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Supposedly the "ghosting" will go away in 6 months. It may recur if I ever find myself under stress again. So, I just have to avoid that.

Eye problems are weird. Two years ago I was experiencing photopsia - flashes of light - in my left eye. The diagnosis was posterior vitreous detachment, or PVD, with a slight risk of retinal detachment which would require laser treatment. Thankfully that never came to pass. But the doc expected me to have the same problem with my right eye, within 6 months. That also never happened.

*knocks on wood*

Yeah, sharyn, I had that too! Didn't we talk about this somewhere?

Ha, I think we did! In this thread I should include my multiple concussions which have negatively affected my memory.

Rae, I promise to remember you better next time I see you. I may even incorporate a hug.

Just got a call from my dr. saying that I am pre-diabetic??

What the fuck? My fasting glucose level was really high but not "diabetic" high. Awesome. Just one more thing I guess.

What was your glucose number? I'm type 2 myself.

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^my stupid body

i think it was 110 or 115... i think its on the lower end of thes cale but im still freaked out.

Pfft...that's pretty good if you ask me.

5 weeks later and I still can't touch my pinky finger to the palm of my hand after I smooshed it in between a fence and a hard place.

Yeah, many, many months ago I aprained my pinky and it is still pretty fucked up.

Theyre going to re-test me. I'm going to try and not stress out about this until then.

Airloom: seriously? My pancreas is total crap.

ick. glucose tolerance test. I failed the one hour one, and then they told me to fast and come back for the three hour one and were like, oh just kidding, you must have eaten a milkshake before the last one. You're totally normal. In fact, you have a super pancreas.

NO, it wasn't a milkshake it was like 4 bowls of Marshmallow Mateys, duh.

The results of my lip biopsy were positive for Sjogren's disease.
My doctor described it as "extremely painful. Not crippling, but debilitating." She also said there are no real treatment options at this point in medicine, other tCoolto monitor me for organ damage.

Cool.

that blows, cop. sorry.

Than to* dum fone.

Thanks for the sympathy. It's pretty shitty. Living on disability at 25 isn't really what I had in mind for myself, but I guess we don't always get to pick.

I've had this odd eye pain in my right eye for the past couple of days. It hurt to close and open it, like the eyeball sustained injury, but there was no noticeable injury or redness, no bruising around that veiny flesh. Now it is going away, but a vestige of the pain remains. Should I be worried and what conceivably happened? I believe my boyfriend poked me in the eye the other night while we were sleeping. He was pretty drunk that night.

Maybe you are pregnut?

2010 was the year of clumsiness and injuries for me. Or at least the last four or so months were.
Fell off my bike, bumped up my arms and legs bad. Fell onto a collapsed lawn chair and sliced open my leg on the metal gear where it folds. Fell off the stage at gleb bacon while tapdancing for poop smeared mirror, resulting in huge neck bruise bump. Slipped on ice hidden by snow and sprained ankle last weekend.

In 2011 Ima be more careful.

i have had a tic/spasm in my right buttcheek for two weeks. i'm really tempted to make other people feel it. it's really weird. at least it isn't in my eyebrow again.

Ugh I had an eye twitch for over 2 months once. I was on the verge of like, taping my eye down or something.

i had a painful similar thing happen a couple years ago. i would have to hide and clutch my butt cheek til it went away.

Hahaha! Sounds a little teensy bit like something related to sciatica, or your sciatic nerve. I had a form of it once and it was totally miserable.

probably from shoveling too much or something. with my butt.

I think it's a guilty conscience.

READ THE BUTTBOOK.

You don't know pain until you have been hung by your neck.

You pretty much just wait.

Don't you hate it when you pull a muscle you never even knew existed? And then you find out how many little motions you make that involve this muscle?

Are you sure YOU even exist?

After THREE WEEKS my right eye finally stopped twitching last night. I'm really stoked about this development.

After a month of working construction, my right hand is about 60% numb. Tingly too sometimes. Just on the palm side, all fingers. I'm dropping stuff left and right.

What the fuck.

So Friday evening my left ankle swelled up like crazy for no apparent reason. By the end of the night my foot was all huge too. Now my entire leg is swollen so I went to the doctor and they said they didn't know what was wrong. Blood tests revealed that it was "not life threatening" and they decided that the swelling would "probably go away on its own." My ankle is bigger than a baseball. What the heck?? I have terrible luck with medical professionals.

wtf dude. that must be scary.

its so gross! if you push on my ankle it leaves an indent! like silly putty! groooosssss!!!

thinking of changing my initials to TMJ. I am hoping it just passes eventually.

Drink more. It will help you move around less in your sleep! :)

squashcore: drink a lot of water and see what happens. i'm not just saying that
because i saw it on Doc Martin that one time. The 'silly-putty skin' sounds like a
dehydration issue i had a while back and was just told to drink a lot of water.
it resolved a lot of issues.


I startled Frumi at a party once with noisy TMJ crunchiness.

Also, i took a walk around lake Calhoun with a friend on Sunday and now
my legs hurt and i can barely move. sooo out of shape.

My really ugly bunion is making it hard to wear shoes of any kind, and I have to have it fixed. I keep putting it off. Call me crazy, but the idea of having my foot and a bunch of toes broken, reshaped, and skewered into proper position does not rock my world.

No, I never wore pointy-toed shoes or high heels. It's all caused by overcompensating for extremely flat feet and ankles that roll inward.

I am not looking forward to this torture. :-(

do you guys remember "growing pains"? i still have no idea what these were, i just remember having crying terrible painful growing pains as a child, usually in my ankle. i would have to take ibuprofen and run hot water over my ankle in the bathtub until i was tired enough to just fall back asleep.

i have had surgery on both hips, and usually never have issues when there are pressure changes or whatever. but goddamn to they hurt right now. both of them. i am too tired to take a bath so i will probably just go to sleep. if i can. i have had worse pain, but this is just weird.

they're telling you to go have a baby.

hahahhaa. i checked there is no bbay :(

awww... keep on tryin'!

I am resisting the urge to share my latest diagnosis because this is a place to talk about local music.

Though my new medication may cause Vampire Hands and Silicone Cells. Wish I wasn't so Sicbay all the time. Something something Hospital Garden.

zsa zsa -- barometric pressure changes can really fuck with you! I think that's what triggered my hospitalization inducing migraine yesterday. Come visit me at Yeti and I will share my vicodin with you!

Is that offer open to everyone or just zsa?

i woke up last night at 430 in the storm and the aching had stopped in one side and continued and moved in the other. it was just like a i remember it as a kid.

today i have a headache and nausea, and not in a hangover way. because i stayed away from the mikes hard lemonade last night.

Manny -- Unfortunately there is not enough to go around. Sadly it seems to be doing very little for me at the moment though :(

RandiFountain would be rollin' for days. Save one for her!

Will do! I quit taking them already and am feeling much better without.

OIL CAN

Although I kinda make fun of it for being all new agey and stuff, I am recommending THE BOOK to my gf (I understand this is a "Oh, her stupid body" post, but I don't want to dig around for a THE BOOK thread)

"NO FAT CHICKS!!!"

Sudden, violent vertigo hit me middle of the day Saturday and since then I can walk and sit and work normally as long as I don't lean over with my head turned. Same in bed, I can sleep only only on my back with my head more or less perfectly straight.

Absurd dizziness but no other symptoms. No headache, no blackout, no spots, no pain, no tightness, no nothing.

Four days later - Go See the Dok-tore

FOUR DAYS? woah. i had completely surprising out of nowhere vertigo the other day, too, for the first time in my life. i was at a stoplight and although i was sitting down in the car, i felt like i was going to fall over! the only other times i felt like that i was WASTED. it was really scary. i can't imagine having that feeling for days. i would jusat cry and vomit. maybe you have a diabetes ear infection drunk?

loose otoconia crystal, all tickling yer cilia.

sounds precisely right, ela.

Did you get it figured out boris??? That sounds terrible. No bachelor farmer behavior allowed!

I was having terrible head rushes and seeing spots every time I stood up a couple weeks ago. Totally sucked.

Dr. ela's bppv diagnosis rings completely true but I'm going to the doctor anyway. My left ear needs flushing anyway.

Ive heard the recommended therapy for this involves basically not moving much, and then doing a series of head movements to attempt to flush the crystals out of the vestibular labyrinth.

Sounds awful.

Can you use a vacuum cleaner to get them out?

I've got the not moving much DOWN, but the head movements are going to kill me.

My body has been in super tense, fight-or-flight mode all day, for some reason.
Maybe because I booked a flight last night? It had better stop, because I still have another month to go.

My exbf woke up one day with a terrible case of vertigo. He said he was dreaming he was on a boat, and didn't shake the feeling for over a month. It was really stressful because he was out of work and couldn't do ANYTHING besides lay/ not move. He slept on the floor because he felt more still. Driving was out of the question, and even riding in the car was difficult for him. He had a whole battery of tests done to see if there was something bigger causing it (there wasn't, thank the heavens.) The nurse described it like this: "When one gets the flu there are certain symptoms associated with it: coughing sneezing congestion barrfffing headaches etc., and with time, the flu goes away, and the symptoms clear up. Vertigo is much the same, but the only real symptom is a feeling of vertigo." Ugh, gross. They prescribed him some anti-nausea meds that were basically like a high powered dramamine. They made him feel too sleepy and worse. BLARCH. And then, one day- POOF- it went away, as quickly as it came on.

So sorry to hear it, boris.... I hope you're back to feeling normal again soon.

I fell asleep in my arm funny and now my hand is all pins and needles. I've been awake for an hour and it's STILL pins and needles! what the heck, stupid body?

Thanks, hertz. Fortunately I've felt nothing as bad as your ex experienced. I'm in fact much better standing up and doing things (as long as I mind my head position) than lying down.

But after six straight days of improvement (accompanying 3x per day Modified Epley Maneuver treatments I made a huge mistake and slept on my side for the first time since the BPPV hit. I woke up Monday back to day 1/square 1. Slowly improving again.

Ugh. Yuck. I feel car sick just thinking about it.

Hugs.

Hip/pelvis has been rotated out of joint for 2 weeks now. Pain shooting down my leg 24/7. Not a good re-entry into drumming.

sometimes after i have three glasses of wine and coke my heart hurts. that's probably not good.

that's just the hole that's there because you don't have children

My left knee locked up this morning and I drop to the ground as I got out of bed. It still feels like it's asleep, even though I'm able to walk on it.

Well, I sprained my ankle a few weeks ago and the motherfucker still smarts. After a little run and then a ride from northeast to lower town and back, I had to ice it last night and it was swollen. I'm doing that thing where I kind of trace the alphabet in the air with my foot, you know, to stretch it and work it and stuff, but dang it still hurts. I hate being injured. So dumb. I feel like a big baby.

99 percent better after a chiropractor visit, of all things. Feels good to be feeling good again.

I have been regularly seeing a chiro, too. I have been feeling a lot better, actually. The weekly massages and gabapentin don't hurt, either.

Glad you're feeling bettet, boris! My mom used to spend a week on a boat every month or so and always came home wobbly. That would suck.

Nose bleeds every day.

get off the YAYO

put some lotion up there

Egypitan magic: up the nose.


Drink plenty of water, but I'm sure you already know that.

I don't think I want to put anything up my nose made by Egyptians.

That's how the extracted the brainz before making the mummiez.

maybe you just need a sauna / humidifier

I feel you on the bloody nose, JI. Ruined more hoodies that way.

You look nice in dried-blood brown.

Thanks!

I'm the nosebleedingest guy there ever was and saline spray changed my life. My nose's life. Super soothing super moisturizing super cheap.

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Yeah, that stuff is pretty great. There is even an "extra moisturizing" kind. I also saw moisturizing nose wipes at Walgreens. I'm intrigued.

A word of caution for the bebloodied: Don't put Vaseline, mineral oil, or lotion in your nose. Breathing in bits of it over time can cause a life-threatening lung condition called lipoid pneumonia. The more you know!

If anyone has any questions about products to relieve mucous membrane dryness (eyes, mouth, ears, nose, skin), I'm a wealth of disgusting knowledge.

Egyptian Magic is an olive oil based, all natural moisturizer. It's awesome.

Clone says this merely improves my nerd cred. I kind of wish I had a sexier problem. Thanks for all the good advice.

Pulling lots of muscles lately. Not severely, just enough to be annoying.

Woke up in the middle of the night to a searing, stab-like pain in my outer right thigh, followed by a burning sensation that tapered off over the next 15 minutes. Still mildly numb/tender. This area also sometimes goes numb or falls asleep, but this was the first time I've had sudden pain like that.

Compressed femoral nerve, the internet summarizes, and fairly common.

One time staying at relatives, I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn't feel my left arm at all, and it wouldn't move or work or anything. Freaked me out, it felt like a piece of cold meat hanging there. It took about 5-10 minutes before it came back. It felt sort of sore for months.

You're so goth you get temporary necrosis.

I began nibbling at my own delicious cold flesh until the pain returned.

Then I really started eating.

Washed down with a flagon of tears, right?

The driest of tears.

Lachryma zommi

sicca zommula

I accidentally ran too much this weekend and now I'm hobbling around like an old lady.


I'm an old lady.

So, doing things that are extremely healthy cripple you just as much as things that are severely unhealthy.

Pour me another.

No, they don't. At all.

I've been having some very not-fun bouts of what I believe is coughing-induced syncope tonite.

Tunnel vision, temporary blackouts, muscle spasms, hallucinations and disassociation. Some of you might even have seen this happen to me at a party a buncha years ago. Kinda embarrassing more than anything.

They only last for less than a minute and I'm not driving anywhere so I'm not going to hurt myself, unless it happens when I'm walking on the stairs. Then I'm fucked.

Anyhoo, these are all the symptoms that I used to have when I smoked tons of weed and I've had it checked out and there's nothing to worry about, I think, but it's just very unpleasant.

Anyone have any suggestions for getting rid of my cough?

Cymbalta worked for me for pain, stiffness, and fatigue until recently. I'm up to 120mgs which is 2x the recommended limit. It doesn't work anymore and now I need help to stand up. I am 26. Cool.

I pinched a nerve in my back at motorcycle class on saturday. IT HURTS.

Left shoulder goes pop. poppoppoppop all the time pop.

my back hurts. so much sitting over the last few months.

Full body massage tomorrow. Hope that helps a lil.

stinkfinger if you're coughing that hard go to the dr before you break a rib. also codeine cough syrup. also a second opinion because that sounds fucked up.

I hate being on antibiotics so much.

Are you on anti-depressants too Cop? I believe cymbalta is a part of the pharmaceutical companies war on everyone. You seem very young for that drug.

My stupid is still primarily located in the head. Whew!

i keep prematurely ejaculating when i am masturbating. my hand is getting pissed and threatening to cut me off if i can't wait for her to get off too.

Wow.

That IS stupid.

For the last couple of days I have felt like I have had 900 cups of coffee per day, when in fact I have had none. Why am I so antsy and how do I get it to go away?

Isn't that what a panic attack is?

Not for me I guess.

I live here now. 4/30/12 12:21 PM Are you on anti-depressants too Cop? I believe cymbalta is a part of the pharmaceutical companies war on everyone. You seem very young for that drug.

Don't talk to me.

I played a game of intense indoor whiffle ball on Friday night and my shoulder is still sore from pitching.

Lower back pain for daze. I think the answer is exercise but I can't do anything because I fractured my ankle.

I didn't get any of the good Native American traits from my dad, just patchy facial hair, alcoholism and a predisposition to diabetes.

remodeling
can you use a rowing machine?

Lol
It is a horrible day for chili.

Guess what. I'm hearing better out of my left ear than in years since it gave up a significant blob of ear wax last night.

And here I'd been blaming Total Fucking Blood.

Hahahahahahah ew

srsly

first I was like
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now I'm all
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Last time I got mine cleaned, the constant ring in the left one became so much more clear.

whoa where can i go and get globs of earwax outta my ears?

Tell the doctor you want an irrigation. In your ear.

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This is fantastic. I was able to hear people having loud conversations over bands all night.

Wow. I want to try it.

When my son had tubes put in his ears they drained pus for about a week after. So gross.

Oh, and I've had a headache for over 12 hours now.

Fucked up muscle tremors in my right foot and ankle all week. What the fuck is this shit?

I feel like I've been crossing my eyes for the past two days. So tired but I can't take naps. Why does my body need more than 4 and a half hours of sleep/night? Stupid body, I will make you into a cylon soon enough.

DeathM, maybe pinched nerve in your back? Or eat some magnesium?

Won't that make him blow up?

shot of mercury does the trick

I have a weird lump on my wrist that is painless but gross looking. a google search has revealed that it is a ganglion cyst.

Exceptionally sore feet tonight... like somebody fucking punched them over and over again. hope it's not plantars fasciitis again.

smash fasciitism

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brilly
5/09/12 11:28 PM
I have a weird lump on my wrist that is painless but gross looking. a google search has revealed that it is a ganglion cyst.

I had one of those for YEARS! I would occasionally smash it against the wall. They're also called bible cysts because people would smash them with bibles. Mine eventually went away on its own.

My friend had one of those! He called it a button. Had it removed when he had wrist surgery for somethingelse.

my neck/shoulder is SO MESSED UP. no clue how it happened.
feels like a pinched nerve or sum'n.
can barely turn my head to the right.
OUCH

i have had a boner for over a year now. is that normal?

Someone check my math, but I think you're supposed to contact 2,190 doctors for that.

All of the sudden, my waist and lower back are killing me. Can't sit up, trouble getting up from lying down. Even walking hurts. I was lifting earlier but nothing out of the ordinary (and was actually going pretty light on the weights), and played soccer with Lil' Low half an hour before this happened. I assume I pulled something and fired up the heating pad and some Advil, but holy fuck.

I just barfed. For the first time in a couple of months. I've always been a random puker but it is SO annoying.

J Low, that sounds really troubling. Go to the doctor maybe?

Famous last words, but I don't think it's actually that bad. I can tell by how it feels that it's totally a muscle thing and they usually can't do much for that.

You get used to this kind of shit at my advanced age.

Yeesh, difficulty breathing is frightening though.

You're not having an appendicitis are you?

My understanding from movies and television is that it would hurt if I pressed on my gut if it was appendicitis...

lol that is GREAT, J Low...not the appendicitis possibility, but the diagnosis method. I laugh because I know...:) Good luck, dood.

lol you realize you could just google that nowadays though, right?

Great. Now WebMD has me worried. I still think it's muscle-related, but we'll see.

Cue "If I Don't Wake Up" by Suicidal Tendencies.

I think I have finally inherited the herniated discs that both of my parents had. I know I'm officially in my 30's now when I have to keep an ice pack in the work freezer.

Frozen burritos work really well for that and are delicious and you save energy by cooking them with body heat.

I will admit that this past week has been miserable in the pain department.

Of course I am going to suggest The Book to you back-pain sufferers, especially those who are 20+ years younger than myself.

But last week, I did hurt my back by lifting an air conditioner out of the basement. And before you laugh and point and start with the laffs, let me also say that as a result of the Sarno book I understand what happened and why, and that as bad as things were a week ago I now feel much better within a week whereas pre-book my pain and crookedness would last two or more weeks. At this point the pain is more or less gone with just a bit of stiffness and slightly lower range of motion existing.

Lifting the A/C unit was a trigger for TMS. (Look up Sarno and TMS if you like). The main cause has been the stress of being unemployed. My back incident happened the day before I was to do a stage at a cooking job I applied for. The combination of stress resulting from the possibility of re-entering a field I have been out of for almost 10 years, the low income of UI and the continuing of bills etc. is a lot to handle. That and the added knowledge of doing some out-of-town shows with long drives and heavy gear loading caused this.

The simple act of writing this post and thinking about the cause of my week of back pain really helps my back to feel much better already. If you have "herniated discs" ( I too have them, plus scoliosis and a "diagnosis" some 20 years ago that my back will only get worse over the years, and quite the opposite has happened) I urge you to look up Dr. John Sarno and to spend a few dollars on the book. J Low, your pain sounds exactly like what used to happen to me about 4-5 times every year for some 25 or more years. Now it's very rare that my back does this thing.

While the "tour" was quite painful, I'm already feeling pretty decent. Take it from me, you can turn the chronic back pain around and be more or less free from it fairly easily. I'll be 54 this year. Things start to wear out but it's not stopping me.

I will do this. Thanks for the advice.

And I'm only 12 years younger than you, gramps.

You're welcome, sonny.

But yeah, I know I have repeated it ad nauseum but at least two chiropractors in my past plus doctors told me that my herniated discs would slowly disintegrate and my back would get worse and the pain would increase. By now I should be more or less immobile or have had spinal fusion or some horrible shit. (Like my cousin had for his chronic back pain.. he woke up paralyzed from the waist down after a botched surgery from a Highly Esteemed Back Surgeon).

The cause is psychological, but it does cause a physiological condition that takes a bit to subside.

i've been having back issues lately. lots more than usual.
always getting 'kinks' that feel like a pinched nerve or something.
might have to get The Book.
first i gotta learn to read. :(

Try the ebook.

I can read it to you, stop on by, smk sum and sit back and enjoy my sonorous voice.

Hahahaha! I'd love to witness that.

Can we use the word "vagina" in here?

eeewwww

Ha! Well, JI, my problem is uterine rather than vaginal. Fun factoid, my dysmenorrhea is most likely due to elevated levels of prostaglandins in the endometrium.

Trick ankle.

I'm going to take up rolfing.

My back feels like shit on only one side today. I have no excuse for having not Read the Book yet, as missmaam was kind enough to give me a copy last year.

My decriminalized absenteeism has been acting up once again which makes my flagellator rather raspy.

Better yesterday, really bad this morning. Thought about going to urgent care or doing a bunch of other things. Settled on Advil and ice for now. Even thought about skipping the Twins game, but didn't. Feel a lot better (maybe the magic of the Target Field seats?). Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

hopefully a trip to Barnes & Noble

Indeed. I was doubtful for my soccer game tomorrow - figured I could play on the field at best. If it was right now, I'd be in net. But probably stupid to play at all.

I'm perfectly willing to attribute various aches and pains to changes in the weather.

the weather in your brain, maybe

JLow, you should try to go for a nice long walk. Help loosen up the tension that caused your spasm, and fresh air and light exercise will help you relax and make it go away. Laying around only lets you continue to think you're injured. (Sorry trying not to sound condescending but can't think of another way to express this).

I've never read the book but I've had back spasms and IBS since I was a kid, and dealing with anxiety and doing what I can to reduce stress has basically stopped it entirely. It helped me to remember that most of your body's serotonin is stored in your stomach/digestive system. Made it easier to remember how much is psychosomatic, when there's a physical connection that makes sense. Your brain controls your body, not the other way around!

so does your brain also control your butt...

If I'm relaxed the farts just ease out on their own, so yes?

I don't know what it is about Savers, but the thought of all that hidden treasure gives me the instant poops.

I don't think you're alone in that. I mean, it totally smells like farts in there.

i just have a lot of bug bites

Gertrude, totally makes sense.

I just read somewhere that IBS is second only to the common cold for missed days of work in the US. (tried to find verification, nothing conclusive).


Oh, a funny body thing today. I was eating spicy Sichuan food and apparently inhaled some of the hot oil which coated the back of my throat. Instantly I could not breathe and started to choke, coughing and watering out of every hole in my head. All I could do is cover my entire face with a napkin to catch all the stuff projecting out of it (snot, bits of food, tears...) for about two minutes until I could get a slug of beer down and breathe normally.

The waitress just smiled and said, "Spicy, yes?" The couple who had just sat next to us put their menus down and walked out the door.

Ahahahaha!! That's amazing!! One time I had too-hot papaya salad at On's and when I left (in the middle of July) I got horrible chills and had to put MMM's old sweater from the back of his car on to stop shivering. That was weird!

And yeah, when I had really bad IBS (which is what I believe it was now -- they thought I had collitis, but as soon as the stressor causing it went away all the symptoms disappeared) anyway, when I had it bad, I missed 20 days of work in one month. No PTO. It sucked.

before you read the book, when your butt was controlling your mind.

Mental indeed. Without going TMI, I have a pretty amazing pregame GI stuff on soccer Sundays.

after biking about 20 miles a day for my work commute for the last month and a half and getting pretty acclimated to it, the last two days i feel like i'm just towing a 10 ton anchor behind me, and when i arrive at work i pour sweat like a filthy disgusting pig. what the fuck, body? i thought we had a deal here.

Sinus infection finally cleared up but it's left me feeling super weak and exhausted all the time. And my lungs are still achey and sad.

The heat wave last week gave me terrible heat rash / eczema (some combination probably). Finally it's mostly gone from my arms / knees / neck / armpits, but thanks to a too-warm show the other night my boobs and stomach are splotchy and scaly. so gross.

I also have some sort of rash thing from the heat (and possibly a spider bite.) Been on antibiotics for a month. Today, i thought i was scratching one of the welts but i ended up scraping a mole off. Or rather, I pulled the mole out so it's longer and floppier and more painful. OH MY STUPID BODY.

i was leaning over yesterday to fix part of this bike and heard a giant snap and now i actually cried trying to get out of bed this am. like real human tears. about to visit the parts tech for a replacement ujoint. what the hell i am no so old

Hey cock lobster - the BEST thing for that is Evening Primrose Oil. Apply topically and take orally.

My body is in pretty good shape! Everything checks out!

yeah i feel pretty good now too! high five!

I inhaled some granola this morning. That hurt and now I'm coughing and wheezing even more. Stupid.

Man that high five was full of life, just two healthy dudes doing their thing.

you gotta properly vape yr granola, dog

can't wait to eat my salad for lunch today! gimme some real energy! all made from stuff from my CSA

I'm having sushi for lunch and might even get some fatty fish cuz my efficient and healthy body will just burn it off no prob!

don't worry i'll bet you'll still be getting some of those Omega-3's! make your hair look 2 good

just walked over to Rainbow to buy a doughnut.
picked up some drawn butter and just poured it all over howie's lunch.

so you drew a picture of butter and melted it onto my lunch. brah it's all in pyrex. 2 safe

NOTHING IS SAFE BRO

"2 safe" hahahahahahahahahahaha

used a little needle and injected pure pork fat into all yr veggies

hahahaha

Pitpat you fell right into Howie's trap. He was scheming all morning on how to steal yr stash of pure pork fat and now you just GAVE it to him. Well played, Mr. ZZ.

i always keep a mason jar of reserves in my glove compartment.

But at least I didn't eat a bristly BBQ brush.

Nothing I hate more than walking barefoot but thanks to debuting flip-flops today I had to go back and forth between walking bare and tortured toe top agony the 1.2 miles back from the Tailgate.

I like this new, drunk sorority girl Boris.

But it's Summer! Your favourite! Flip-Flops! Beach Boys! Hot 'n Humid Heaven for you! Enjoy!

I thought this was supposed to be a safe space.

I sit on a tall chair all day now in a non-air-conditioned space, and for some reason this has made my feet swell up the past two days. Yesterday I wore shoes that never give me blisters, but gave me blisters when they got too small halfway through the day. Today I just felt my mary jane straps get tighter as the day went on. My feet look gross and puffy and I have cankles. Waaaah!

i will meet you at Tailgate someday, boris.
real talk.

I honor the place where our hunger and desire to hear Humpty Dance karaoke'd meet.

I had a dream about needing to get somewhere fast but was slowed down by a crick in my neck.
I woke up with a crick in my neck.
12 hours later, I still have a goddamn crick in my neck.

Rosacea may be caused by mite faeces in [everyone's] pores

Demodex does not have an anus and therefore cannot get rid of its faeces. "Their abdomen just gets bigger and bigger, and when they die and decompose they release their faeces all at once in the pore"

Let's play "Oh, our disgusting bodies."

I'm jealous of a creature that never, not once, has to even think about pooping.

Is faeces the specific word for feces in our faces?

daessa

Officially diagnosed with tennis elbow on Monday. Now I am obsessing over whether I am wearing the brace correctly. Supposed to avoid weights, yoga (at least poses that involve putting weight on the elbow, like plank) and probably should lay off playing goalie. If shit doesn't come correct in 4-6 weeks, steroid shot.

Thanks, stupid body.

(Tennis elbow features prominently in Sarno's list of TMS manifestations.)

...smk sum

Which of his books is the one people are recommending?

Can anyone recommend a good women's clinic where I could feasibly get an appointment tomorrow if I called first thing in the morning? I'll leave it vague and take your answers off the air. pm moi.

My crummy body got talked into getting a flu shot and now I have oculo-respiratory syndrome.

I high sided over the handlebars on the Pinto yesterday. Today I am an achy roadrashed dude.

Praise Jah i was only going about 15 mph.

Did you get checked out? This worries me so.

Nope. I don't think I need to. I don't feel any worse right now than any time I've totally boneheaded myself on my bicycle.

My shoulders are stiff, i have a shiner on my chin and the front wheel is fucked but nothing is out of place.

Thank you for caring though! I heart you.

Guess I'm on my own with this research. Thanks, board.

maybe try the Family Tree clinic??

I'm a guy. I don't even know what a vagina is.

Is that the thing you get from undercooked pork?

Jewish Indian
9/12/12 8:54 AM
Guess I'm on my own with this research. Thanks, board.

PMd!

my lower back is all hurty.
i feel old. guh.

Only I can tweak my back coughing.

This is an all-time low.

Time for The Book.

I hope it comes with a new mattress.
These little injuries seem to generally happen when I am getting out of bed, sleeping too long, etc. That's when it happend this morning.

I've done that before! It happens to people. Don't feel like the worst human.
Did you ever go see my preferred de-knotter? Consider it.

As asked previously, which book is "The Book"? Dude has a few.

King: I don't know who that is, unless you mean Lady King.

I'm thinking of trying accupuncture.

Try it all. And yes.

my head hurts and
i want to pull all of my teeth out (constantly)

Mind Body Prescription is the book that did it for me.

Just came back from a workout. Lifted things wrong all day yesterday, feels good man.

hey zoom zoom waht u benchin lately

Eh, I don't lift weights. I use weight machines at the Y.
Not going for bulk here, I'm into losing weight and keeping muscle tone.

Down 7 pounds over the last 3 weeks.

WOO HOO! Way to go, bud!

That book worked for me, too.

Working out regularly has done a lot for my back, but it's just been goofy since about Labor Day weekend. It seems too much down time is bad for it.

Makes sense. Working out helps relieve stress.

Last week I hauled a 100+ pound drum sander into my truck, out of the truck, into the house and upstairs and refinished the floor. No "proper" way to lift the thing. Back did not complain one bit and now I can move into the completely redone bedroom.

I'm telling you kids again, were it not for this book I would have never been able to do this, even 20 years ago when I was still older than many of you.

I just spent a week thinking I was in the early stages of ALS because of goddamn nonstop muscle fasciculations all over my calves. 24/7 random twitching for nearly a month.

Probably just BFS (Benign Fasciculation Syndrome), but freaky nonetheless, especially when you hear numerous stories of people with ALS describing twitching calves as initial symptoms. Had some blood work done and all of my electrolyte/vitamin levels and cell counts are within normal ranges. No other ALS-related symptoms such as balance problems, weakness, visible atrophy, trouble forming words or swallowing, though, which is good, especially because the twitching in ALS often follows atrophy and its attendant weakness/stiffness.

Still...seeing one's calves look as though they're harboring some other life form is unsettling to say the least. I have an appointment with a neurologist in November just to do a few tests to get to the bottom of it.

So yesterday I'm at work and feeling really tired. Like crazy sleepy. I'm sitting at someone else's desk helping them with an issue and I start to doze when I should be watching their screen. I decide this is fucked and I am worthless at work so I go home and sleep for about 4 hours, then go to class at the U. When I go to take my pm medications before sleeping some more, I see that the muscle relaxant cyclobenzaprine is in the spot where my thyroid meds usually are. Basically, I took a fat old muscle relaxant in the morning instead of thyroid meds. Glad I don't have mono but dang, that was stupid.
muscle relaxants have been relocated to avoid further mistakes.

Oh wow. That sounds like a smooth move I would pull, millicent. Glad you made it home safely!

I'm currently stomping away on the treadmill desk at work, like usual, but my right knee is stupidly achey. For no reason.

no kidding. I shouldn't have been driving

mili RARTIES like a champ

Do keep the super glue away from the eye drops.

never put salt in your eyes

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"Cymbalta worked for me for pain, stiffness, and fatigue until recently. I'm up to 120mgs which is 2x the recommended limit. It doesn't work anymore and now I need help to stand up. I am 26. Cool."

My pain is a mindbody disorder similar to PTSD. It's like my body has a vibrational frequency set to "pain." Always in the background - like ringing of the ears. Like a 15 year fever. Most of the time I just don't notice it except that it makes me really tired and irritable. But when I meditate, it's insane to realize how much is actually going on that I'm pushing away most of the time.

I also notice the ringing in my ears a hell of a lot : /

I stopped taking Cymbalta. Turns out it has the worst side effects of all SSRIs. And it apparently inhibits Level 4 sleep, which is the level needed for the body to rejeuvenate and not feel pain. So that's weird. I never really noticed any long-term improvement on the pain issue. I stopped for 5 months or so, felt great for a few months, then not so great. Went back on, went through the usual sleep disruption from starting any SSRI. But it never improved - I was waking up every three hours so I went to the doc. He showed me a chart of reported side effect extremity - Cymbalta was off the grid.

Swtiched to Lexapro, which has the lowest side effects of any SSRI. 4 months. So far so good. And $60 cheaper.

The best solution has been meditation and EMDR.

I'm extremely grateful to be able to have health insurance to afford the EMDR.

oh interesting. i have heard about EMDR. it sounds really interesting.

I just take the cymbalta with drugs that make me sleepy. Problem solved.
I seriously can't do anything without help if I don't take it. But good for you, if you're feeling okay doing it your way, rock witch. :)

Missed a dose yesterday and maaaaan I'm feeling it. Been better lately in general, though. Still kinda learning what a ”flare up” feels like and what ”permanently worse” feels like. I get worried that a flare will last forever, because sometimes they do. bleh.

But seriously, I feel okay most of the time now. And I can even up the dose more if I need to because of new studies that say it's safe. So yay for science!

Anyone ever get terrible stomachaches/cramps whenever they drink water? This happens to me more often then I assume it should. Am I just dehydrated?

you probably have an ulcer

unless your water is poisoned

Actually it would not surprise me if I had an ulcer.

two lovely young nurses extracted some huge and terrifying ear wax from mine ears and I feel so much better. deaf scare :(

whoah brah. i wanna do that but am scared of the results.

it was solid, nice warm water flushin'. woke up monday with god's finger in my ear. I feel so much better having found a solution, in mind, body, and soul

Stupid body keeps gaining weight just because I'm eating poorly and not exercising as much :( Not fair. f u body.

hahahahaha same here, dick wolf.
why isn't all this beer slimming down my gut???

I hate to say it, but my lifelong anxiety about losing weight has disappeared since my mom died. Guess it's kind of a load off my mind to not have someone scrutinizing every bite I take, every outfit I wear, how I look sick without makeup on, and I don't have to look at pictures of myself when I was thin taped to her fridge for ”inspiration”....ugh mom issues. But I feel free now. I don't feel like I have to cram my face full of shit food just to spite her. I'm down six pounds since I came to this realization a couple weeks ago. Feeling better about myself every day. :D

And that's your PMA du jour, bizzos.

Take it to the "Fat thoughts, fat musings" thread...

Here's a fat thought: HOW BOUT YOU EAT IT.

yay cop

I choose to believe young Mr. Shiner is applauding your recent breakthrough.

I was

thanks, Shane!

the link between mental and physical shit is NO JOKE.

Word,.pitz.

Bobbing my head to the bands on Saturday plus doing four loads of laundry yesterday aggravated my whiplash that was feeling better. My neck hurts again.

Also my ankles keep swelling and have to sleep with my feet on a pillow so I can see my ankle bones in the morning.

fuck an a, cop, that's awesome!

FREE AT LAST

was going to throw a nasty pillow into the basement and on my way down the stairs, tripped on something, went flying head first down the stairs, did a somersault and caught myself on a pole, then slammed my face into another pole, hit my right hand on something and it's all swollen and hurts realllly bad (which SUCKS because I have carpal tunnel already and have been dealing with that and therefore haven't been making art or music much and now I will have to wait longer to do that stuff), landed on my knees which are now both bruised and scraped, I think but I am not sure cuz it was pretty fast and scary so I wasn't really paying attention. my nose hurts and is bruised but thankfully not broken again. I am a huge klutz and I trip and fall all the time but this is ridiculous. If I would have landed differently I probably would be in a lot worse shape.

Aw shit sorry buns. Being a klutz ia apparently a life-threatening affliction. Ask Randi.

that's different, manny. you're probably just always in her way.

The worst part of falling down some stairs, if you survive, is having to say "I fell down some stairs" and wondering if people believe you 100%.

I'm extremely uncoordinated and clumsy. I was in gymnastics, ballet, tap, and acrobatics from age five to fifteen, and the clumsiness never came until I was well into my adult years. I wonder sometimes if staying active in those things would have made me more graceful now. Probably.

Hope you feel better soon, buns.

thankyou!!

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I'm sorry something didn't.

I'm always in everybody's way. Oh, my stupid body!

haha boris
wow I want my hair like that hubba hubba

Hey look at that she has hair.

haha

I've often how I manage to drink heavily in a room full of people and not knock anyone down.

Seriously, if you've been to a party at my house, do I knock people down and not notice? Is everyone too polite to say anything?

totally unrelated butttt my lee & nancy cover band is playing may 28 at the hexagon with nachoproblem's and other cover bands, just waiting for him to post about it... so that picture is appropriate cuz I'm gonna be practicing those songs in my head a lot since I can't play them right now

I swear I didn't hit her..

my leg and hip is all wonky. uneven sides.
Also, I might be developing tmj.
they say beauty is when both sides are identical. oops.