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Read the whole thing. I think it's supposed to be serious.
http://www.startribune.com/local/north/92064219.html?page=1&c=y
This is MINT:
The two dozen young people gathered near the muddy banks of the Rum River in Cambridge on Sunday made no effort to hide their affection and grief for the four young people who hours earlier had died in a horrific car crash.
Some squealed their tires. Others blared rap music. A few screamed, "We love you all!" and released balloons into the midafternoon haze. One young woman stared stoically through her car window and cried, refusing a friend's efforts to comfort her.
Then came the laughter and the stories. As dusk fell, a young woman imitated the way crash victim Travis (Trouble) Buchan, who had dreamed of being a rap star, belted out lyrics with his hands cupped over his mouth. A close friend of Tres Kendryna-Whitefeather cried as she recounted how he had given her a room to sleep in after she was kicked out of her mother's house.
Later, at a hastily arranged memorial service at Cambridge United Methodist Church, a sanctuary full of young people hollered, "Whoop! Whoop!" after a young man with shades pulled out a guitar and sang a song from Stain'd, yelling, "This one's for you, Trouble!"
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oooooof
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Fuckin' CARS...how do they work?
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Yeah I read that this morning and didn't really know what to think about it all.
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I hope when I die people will have a good time recounting how ridiculous I was.
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Buchan played hacky sack like a ninja
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"Some squealed their tires"
Um, yeah...
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Buchan played hacky sack like a ninja -- often catching it on the bill of his hat, friends said. He dreamed of being a rap star, spending hours scribbling lyrics into a notebook. Several of Buchan's old classmates talked of burying those lyrics with him.
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Hahahahaha Roaratorio you and I are on the same page.
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It's funny, I really should start a rap star academy because that sure seems to be a popular career choice amongst most of my students as well.
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HAHA! Yes. It was like being hypnotized reading this in the morning. I think I lost some brain cells. Was this guy the 21 year-old? Now I'm just picturing him with a bottle of Karkov in his hand rapping with his hand cupped over his mouth while he passes the Karkov around and hangs out the window. Role model fail.
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I think McNally Smith beat you to it
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Hahahahahaha touche, Classical.
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I just find it sad that four young people died in a horrific car crash.
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I'm not seeing the funny in some dude dying. Is it that it's a poorly written article?
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Fuck off StP I know you better than that.
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d.w. : yes.
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Hey dick wolf, it's funny cuz four drunk kids burned up in a head on collision and their friends saw fit to SQUEAL TIRES in the parking lot and talk about aspiring rap careers and sing Staind songs.
It's funny cuz it's funny. It's not funny is yr boring.
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It's not funny IF you're boring.
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The way these kids chose to grieve is kind of weird/stupid/funny. It's kind of how like when I was in high school, a kid died while driving drunk and then all his friends decided to wear shirts with his picture and the Captain Morgan logo on them to his funeral. Because he "loved the Captain, dude!!!" Ugh! His parents had the shirts made. I am serious, Wendy.
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The humor is eluding me also.
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funny: a theoretically professional / grown-up person, writing for a daily paper, describing a teenager as "playing hacky sack like a ninja."
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Yeah, just written so weird. It sounds like the memorial deal was similar to a ICP concert. The question that kept resurfacing in my head was why was this guy hanging out with a bunch of 16 year olds? I don't know how I feel about that chick driver being charged with a bunch of shit... I mean I think it's pretty obvious the 21 year old was supplying the booze and probably should have been the one to stop the craziness.
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I knew when I started this thread there would be a few people who would take the "Oh my dear well I NEVER." And I pulled the trigger anyways. Cuz sometimes self-righteousness can be funny too.
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coach said: It's funny, I really should start a rap star academy because that sure seems to be a popular career choice amongst most of my students as well.
There is a hip-hop magnate school on University, attended mostly by kids that just cannot thrive in a run-of-the-mill public school. I have a friend who's a guidance counselor there. UNFORTUNATELY, it's closing at the end of the school year.
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Hertz, is that the one they covered in City Pages? I thought that was privately funded?
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I assume you mean "magnet," but a "hip-hop magnate" school would be even awesomer!
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Hip Hop MAGISTRATE.
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Have they even identified the two charred bodies from the SUV? That's the part that seems tragic to me....
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it's a magnet school. Public, but with some outside private funding.
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fuckin magnet schools - how do they work?
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FTW!
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well played, H.
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I'm with coach on this one. I find it funny/humorous/ironic. I'm also a shallow asshole so I got that goin for me.
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DUDE THEY WERE STUPID AND SHIT HAHAHAH
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the humour is not derived from the dead people.
people dying is a bummer.
the humour is directed at the bizzare way a specific subculture chooses to grieve.
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HACKYSACK LIKE A NINJA, PEOPLE!
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The thing that struck me as so funny is that the author FOCUSED on the most stupid, juvenile and basic behavior with regards to the tragedy. For real, sure dead kids is sad. But dudes squealing tires and singing Staind songs is fucking HILARIOUS.
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Sometimes I make jokes involving fat people. And also jokes involving how people choose to grieve.
Sometimes pitpat makes fun of Juggalos and how they bury their children.
I hope this is all "okay," and not whack.
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Coach re: rap star academy--I once taught "The Problem With Music" to a class full of wannabe rap stars in summer school right after I got home from tour. It was AMAZING.
Grief is a weird fucking thing, man, and people act out in some crazy ways. You gotta make sure people know That's why at my funeral _Rayna and The Classical are gonna duet "The End Of The Road" by Boys II Men.
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I hope this is some sort of nu-journalism. Journalism needs to lighten up, eh?
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man, if someone sang Staind at my funeral I would haunt their stupid face forever if I believed in the afterlifes.
Poppa - could I do an interperative dance during the BoyzIIMen duet?
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If someone DOESN'T sing Staind at my funeral, I'm going to have a talk with god and make sure you all die.
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if someone doesn't write a music review or the staind performance at my funeral imma haunt you and fuck up your musical equipments. all of them will only play stained no matter what you do. stained tambourine, staind piano, stained spoons.
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staind oops.
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I attended some Irish wakes full of cops as a kid in Chicago.
You think those weren't hilariously weird? Drunken singing, dancing, yelling.
Hey, if squealing tires makes you feel better then burn some rubber.
A couple of kids in my high school got into a head-on and died, I believe they played Seasons in the Sun or some crap. So it's now "Twiztid" or whatever.
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I realise the humor in the article, but if anyone pulled this thread... it would be us looking like total dicks.
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...and for the first time ever!
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Killer has a point. I don't think that's argument not to have a sense of humor about things, but yeah, with only a few exceptions we are all a bunch of huge dicks.
But I would never go on the record as saying huge dicks are a bad thing.
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Squealing tires is cool. Nobody with a fast car needs to justify themselves to NOONE!
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One could say that about many, many threads on this board.
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except for the other threads, where everyone looks like a vagina.
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Uh, that was a response to Killer.
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"On the muddy banks of the Rum River."
I just wanna add that that part sounds pretty romantic.
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Anyone else see a concerted effort by the journalist to subtly demean these folks?
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DID YOU GHOSTWRITE THIS, YOU ASSHOLE?
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yeeesh. I'm from Cambridge. It's not the town I grew up in, but I drive down this stretch of road every time I go to my folks' place. That Buchan kid is the grandson of our neighbor. That's how they're gonna grieve, like zom said. Sure it's weird and white-trashy, but "It's not funny IF you're boring"? This happened 2 days ago.
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UH OH, someone just said the magic words!
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what? neighbor? folks?
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I'm not allowed to say it.
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blanco basura?
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ding ding ding
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well yeah, it Is fuckin TOO SOON. And I don't know when they came up with the formula for how long we can all go until it's kosher to be callous, but coach I'm afraid you forgot to 'carry the y.'
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"On the muddy banks of the Rum River."
I just wanna add that that part sounds pretty romantic.
It kinda sounds delicious. Made w/ice cream, chocolate syrup and rum
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It sounds liek a Hold Steady song.
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I don't have a problem with this thread, but I account that to the fact that I'm an asshole. But I'm just saying that some people might stumble on this shit and... oh God.
But yeah... Emily's right. We're often dicks... I'm often a dick on this board.
By the way, I'm sorry about that whole being a dick thing. I'm trying to be perfect, but it's not working out too well.
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I'm not quite sure where it said how the accident happened. I saw when, I saw that it was a flat road. Um, what am I missing?
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Who cares if someone finds this thread? What if they find the baby Juggalo funeral thread, or one where people are calling each other stupid? God forbid.
I bet money that it will come out that these kids were driving recklessly and/or were intoxicated, in which case I have no problem saying that if anything is "too soon," it's the revving of engines in their memory. If I was the family of the two people burned up in the other vehicle, who are dead because of these idiots, I would find that pretty disgusting.
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so maybe these kids were doing dumb, dangerous things....i can think of the number of times i probably should have died out drunk driving or roadtripping or some stupid shit
or maybe they had bad taste in music and were tacky by our standards or whatever
maybe they dreamed of being rappers just the same way i had a dumb dream that i would be a rock star someday
this seems like the most telling part of that article to me:
A close friend of Tres Kendryna-Whitefeather cried as she recounted how he had given her a room to sleep in after she was kicked out of her mother's house.
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Is the writer of this article going to come back and continue what he brought up about road safety later? Or how the accident even happend and what rules were broken, etc.?
Maybe the author should stick to his wheelhouse "Chris Serres: investigative reporter with the Star Tribune’s Business section, focusing on corporate corruption, financial misconduct and government regulation of businesses."
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Well said, mags.
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Look, anyone that wants to drop the "nothing funny about a car accident" and "every life is precious" bit can go right ahead. Open board. I thought the article was MIND-BLOWING, and for real it absolutely read like an article out of The Onion. The only thing it was missing was "area man recounts loss of buddy over hacky sack showdown."
So yeah, the article blew my mind. If y'all wanna delve into the predictable MRMB class war then go ahead, that's why most of us aren't on the board much anymore.
p.s. I just read the article again and it's still mind-blowing.
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i certainly wouldn't want you to leave the board coach.
the ninja line was funny.
i don't know. i don't feel like i'm part of a "class war". :|
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also the drama llama delivers yet another A+ post, that shouldn't get lost in the shuffle!
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I think the article was probably written deliberately to demean these "mourners" and it succeeded, and therefore totally demeans the dead people as well. But I read this and I am 100% sure that alcohol and knuckleheadery were factors in this accident.
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i would agree with both those points
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If that hacky sack ninja line doesn't qualify as "damning with faint praise," I don't know what does.
It reminds me of "The First 48" when they can only come up with one positive fact about the victim. "He was 19, and was the father of four children."
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. . . as far as I can tell, the accident happened because there were so many people crammed into a car, two of them unidentified. It must've spontaneously combusted or something. . . I dunno. I'm so confused!!
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j_j
4/26/10 2:29 PM
"On the muddy banks of the Rum River."
I just wanna add that that part sounds pretty romantic.
It kinda sounds delicious. Made w/ice cream, chocolate syrup and rum
Vanessa
4/26/10 2:31 PM
It sounds liek a Hold Steady song.
It smells like a Nirvana album.
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is it strange to report that one of the passengers had a previous DWI?
is it strange that this is getting as much coverage as it is?
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slick
4/26/10 2:37 PM
I'm not quite sure where it said how the accident happened. I saw when, I saw that it was a flat road. Um, what am I missing?
the one article i found that discussed the actual crash just said something like "investigators were still trying to figure out what lead to the cars smashing into each other over the center line"
it would be kind of amazing to find out both drivers were drunk
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thanks, neight. Just read that. The pictures look like it was head-on. I was in one of those 20 years ago this year. Seatbelts, yea!!
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I guess I just didn't see the "mind-blowing" part of it, dead kids or not. I guess I can cop to being boring.
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The "mind blowing" part is that this article is so poorly written as to make a mockery of both mourners and victims, to the point where it almost seems like a joke. I mean..."he played hacky sack like a ninja" ? This is what you come up with about your dead friend?
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Killer- I don't think it's strange given the circumstances of auto wrecks this past weekend - this one just happened to have 6 fatalities.
It IS strange that the report source names the minor driver (WCCO did not) and delves into the DWI background of the adult passenger in her vehicle and his probation issues.
Granted, this info would come out soon enough but it seems a bit rushed before an "offical" report would be released by the investigators.
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i prefer to laugh at dead people because i am way less likely to get punched by them
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How can they tell that car smelled like alcohol?
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try again:
<img src="http://extras.mnginteractive.com/live/media/site569/2010/0426/20100426_112024_cambridgeCar2.jpg"
<img src="http://extras.mnginteractive.com/live/media/site569/2010/0426/20100426_112305_cambridgeCar1.jpg"
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You're so pretty.
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Dang.
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aw hell
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that's just your impending parenthood talking
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vim 4/26/10 3:34 PM How can they tell that car smelled like alcohol?
Because they have noses?
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looks like it probably smelled like a gas grill
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well apparently you're a fucking moron to think that because that was my assumption too.
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jesus, those pics are rough. Seatbelts were not worn in either vehicle from what I've read.
I'm assuming the 4 passengers in the Pontiac were thrown from the vehicle and maybe the SUV passengers died on impact and consequently burned in the aftermath.
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Only the SUV caught fire.
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pretty sure plenty of chemicals spill when a car gets that fucked up, don't see how you could smell alcohol in it if they weren't pouring liters all over the interior
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Wait, at what point did anyone get the impression that anyone was mocking dead people rather than bad journalism?
Chill, people.
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Feeling sympathy for the dead and laughing at the expressions of grief are not incompatible.
Didn't we just have this conversation about the addict boxer's crying jag? Yeah, addiction/fatal car accidents are awful, but crying like Katherine Hepburn on helium/ninja hacky is fucking funny.
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donnyyy 4/26/10 3:55 PM pretty sure plenty of chemicals spill when a car gets that fucked up, don't see how you could smell alcohol in it if they weren't pouring liters all over the interior
I'd venture a guess that with five passengers there were probably a few liters of alcohol-laden blood in the interior.
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i never thought of that...but it makes sense i guess
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for real? alcohol blood smells different from normal blood?
also,
Emily
4/26/10 3:27 PM
The "mind blowing" part is that this article is so poorly written as to make a mockery of both mourners and victims, to the point where it almost seems like a joke. I mean..."he played hacky sack like a ninja" ? This is what you come up with about your dead friend?
PoppaLarge
4/26/10 3:55 PM
Wait, at what point did anyone get the impression that anyone was mocking dead people rather than bad journalism?
this.
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Pitpat, yes. It doesn't smell like straight vodka or anything...it has that sweet smell like drunk breath.
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My wife hates the smell of my drunk breath. Is there something wrong with her?
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dang, the human body is fucking gross, amirite?
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All i have to say is that if I ever go out early, the least you fuckers could do is party and remember all the fun I had with you.
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i wonder if my blood would smell faintly skunky?
only one way to find out....
BRB
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Grant, I'll pour out some pickle juice for you and do some kind of imitation of your musical talent.
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my roommate told me that he can taste it when guys smoke weed before he blows them. via their spermic secretion
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vim 4/26/10 3:45 PM well apparently you're a fucking moron to think that because that was my assumption too.
Sorry, the way you worded it I didn't understand what you were asking.
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Grant,
I'm going to make fun of you on a message board. Sorry, dude.
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GAAHHRRRGHHHHH SO MUCH BLOOD! SOMEBODY FUCKING HELP ME
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Smells like weed.
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Grant's Tomb
4/26/10 4:15 PM
All i have to say is that if I ever go out early, the least you fuckers could do is party and remember all the fun I had with you.
I'll remember you for so many things friend, but most of all for your ninja-like hack
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Emily
4/26/10 4:17 PM
vim 4/26/10 3:45 PM well apparently you're a fucking moron to think that because that was my assumption too.
Sorry, the way you worded it I didn't understand what you were asking.
meh, after a minute I chalked it up to dramatic thread blowback.
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I hope that when I die my friends will sing this at my funeral.
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at my funeral, i want N1CKS to sing some Reh Dogg jams.
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the quaking bogge is already working up a gothic folk cover of "it's so cold in tha D" for your funeral
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once i'm dead, how the fuck the rest of y'all 'posed to keep peace?
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I want somebody to write a song called "It's so sloppy in the Seward", and make the lyrics about every time I got drunk and slurred my speech.
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So many people on their periods! I hope no one here ever becomes president and gets access to The Button.
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i don't think obama is gonna fingerbang u though
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hahaha.
that kinda turned me on.
i need to get out of this thread.
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Area Man, deceased, played hacky-sack "like a ninja."
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What Staind song do you think it was? Outside or It's Been a While?
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Photograph
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This woulda been the Onion article about the accident:
Passerbys were amazed by the huge amount of blood.
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a great majority of the content in this thread is completely revolting. fuck a bunch of you.
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Sorry guys, but brownthang is right. And my own post in this thread is revolting to me at this hour.
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brownthang
4/27/10 12:15 AM
a great majority of the content in this thread is completely revolting. fuck a bunch of you.
Minneapolis, MN: Area Man Disgusted by Lack of Morality on Local Music Messageboard, "I expect more out of you, Music Messageboard."
RandyQuaidofthemind
4/27/10 3:16 AM
Sorry guys, but brownthang is right. And my own post in this thread is revolting to me at this hour.
St.Paul, MN: Area Man, Drunk At Three in the Morning, Finds Convenient, Misplaced Moral Compass.
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passengers myspace set to private, but the last words are chilling. She put them up 2 hours before she died. She was 15.
Holy shit.
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neight
4/26/10 2:37 PM
it would be kind of amazing to find out both drivers were drunk
Given the time of the accident, I don't know if it would be that amazing.
Paper today said it may be impossible to tell whether the guys in the SUV had been drinking or were wearing seatbelts because of the fire. Also noted that one of the guys (not sure if it was the driver) had multiple DUIs.
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wow- that myspace post is nuts and really tragic.
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Yes. very, very tragic. I'm pretty sure that the driver had just recently turned 16 and had only had her license for 3 weeks. (From the Star Tribune article)
In fact, they were all 15 or 16 except for one 21 year old dude. So that must be the guy who had multiple DUIs J Low.
Pretty fucked up that this 21 year old who had multiple DUIs is drinking with 15 and 16 year old girls and driving around. It's very tragic, but I am at least glad they didn't hit somebody who wasn't making stupid ass decisions.
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Pretty fucked up that this 21 year old who had multiple DUIs is drinking with 15 and 16 year old girls and driving around. It's very tragic, but I am at least glad they didn't hit somebody who wasn't making stupid ass decisions.
I totally agree with dawgmask.
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Coach, you win at life.
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Oh wait.. they did hit another car?
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DM - I meant that one of the guys in the other car (the SUV) also had multiple DUIs according to the Strib.
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OK just read the newer star tribune article. It made it a little clearer -- for some reason I was originally under the impression they drove into a ditch or something...
So.. yeah OK I retract my original statement about how it would be horrible to file charges against that 16 year old. I guess she is the only person who can tell people what happened. If she can remember.
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what did the myspace message say? the page is now gone.
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It was something like, "I'm gonna go drink and pass the fuck out, night." or something similar.
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Girl said she was gonna get drunk and pass out.
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you gotta believe to achieve.
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aim high, air force.
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If you look at the pics of the vehicles, it seems like both of them connected on their passenger sides. That is some fancy driving.
The reporting can only be as good as the material it is representing. I really didn't see it painting a different picture than what the community was. I thought it was interesting and mostly spoke to how little direction there is for kids who don't fit the mold in small towns. I should know. I just lucked out that I predate Stain'd.
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can you imagine having to be parents who have to request myspace to take down your page when it's a circumstance like that... and that's the last thing that they wrote?
conversely... I imagine that myspace has someone who they're whole job is processing these requests. parents who don't have passwords but quickly want to take down their children's pages post-death. can you imagine how shitty and soul sucking that job is
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St. Paul, MN: Area man has head-on collision with karma.
<img src="http://s3.amazonaws.com/readers/2009/05/29/351663111097a630bcc5_1.jpg>"
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<B>Mpls, MN: Area man gets defensive over thread he started on music messageboard. Wife, hates white trash, comes to his rescue.<b>
<I>This thread<I>
Case closed, you bunch of crabs.
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Oh, and what nacho said. Damned phone.
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Read it and weep.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1281538/Smoking-year-old-Ardi-Rizal-40-cigarettes-day.html
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You've come a long way, baby.
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Weep, indeed.
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Jeezus.. Good one, Roar.
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with that cigarette in his hand, he looks at least two years older.
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Infant Ennui - somebody plz photoshop a beret and turtleneck on him.
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his fishmonger father Mohammed, 30, said: 'He looks pretty healthy to me. I don't see the problem.'
mhm.
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OK, I cant help it: I find that little fucker adorable.
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this is a funny funny thread. oh funny things.
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Houston, we have sighting of the word "fishmonger" in this thread, over.
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I'd like them to map Tony Iommi's brain stem and finger connections circa 1969, 1970 so we can generate awesome doom riffs forever.
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Someone posted a different article about the puppy thing. Opening line of the story:
A German student created a major traffic jam in Bavaria when he 'mooned' a group of Hell's Angels, hurled a puppy at them and then escaped on a bulldozer.
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sounds like he's been watching 2 Girls, 1 Cup
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"like ice cream"
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like savage has pointed out, the vast majority of all anal sex related activity is in fact done by straight people
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whoa. my anaconda don't want none unless you are young, hun!
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I just realized I read that whole article wrong and made the assumption that it was about the sexual assault of a child, when in fact there is no mention of age. So I made a gross baby sex joke for no reason. Sorry.
my anaconda don't want none unless you feed me a chik-un!
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Oh I see now. It was that tiny hand in the adjacent picture that threw me off.
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happens to me all the time.
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After several hours of pain...
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That article led me to this <a href=
"http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=6569052n">inbred, two-faced hillbilly cat</a>
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so, how does a 2 year old START smoking?
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C'mon man, do a real drug.
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It's hard for me to concentrate on Sar-bear when Hannity "combs" his hair like that. For real, that might be the worst haircut I've ever seen. He should stop borrowing flowbees from his fellow Tea Party compatriots and just pay for a real goddamn haircut.
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True story: At one point, my dad owned 3 Flowbees, because he loved his first one so much. He knew they'd be taken off the market at some point and wanted one until the day he died. Since the early-90s, every single haircut he has had has involved a vacuum cleaner.
When I was 13, I gave myself an undercut with his Flowbee.
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Hannity and Trump go to the same barber.
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<i>The department says Cabrera was carrying the 6-inch titi monkeys in pouches attached to the girdle. Two of the monkeys were dead.
Cabrera was arrested on charges of trafficking an endangered species.
Cabrera told authorities he was carrying the monkeys in a suitcase but decided to put them in his girdle "so the X-rays wouldn't hurt them."<?i>
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I am looking forward to an updated Fear of a Black Planet 2010
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What a fucked up story; the possibility of there being another father is TOTALLY out of the question?
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I don't know if it counts when it's from the newspaper that broke the story of the grandmother bearing her grandson's child.
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http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100721/ap_on_bi_ge/as_china_pipeline_explosion_6
"We don't have proper oil cleanup materials, so our workers are wearing rubber gloves and using chopsticks," an official with the Jinshitan Golden Beach Administration Committee told the Beijing Youth Daily newspaper in apparent exasperation.
Rubber gloves and CHOPSTICKS. Incredible.
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!!!!!!
FUCK
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laugh/crying
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lol @ chance
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Pioneer Press
St. Paul police expect gun, find firecrackers:
A St. Paul man threatened to shoot his mother if she didn't give him money for his wedding and then fled to his bedroom and lit a few firecrackers — prompting police to show up expecting an armed conflict Tuesday evening, police said.
The incident began about 5 p.m. at an apartment in the 1000 block of Van Dyke Street, according to a police report. The mother, 40, was approached by her 19-year-old son. They both live in the apartment. He told her he needed $3,000 for his wedding.
The mother said no.
"If you don't give me the money, I'll shoot you in the face," the son allegedly said, before running into his bedroom. Within seconds, the mother heard three loud bangs and smelled what she thought was gunpowder.
She scooped up her other son, who is 9, and ran to a neighboring apartment, where she called 911.
Officers were summoned to the complex near White Bear and Maryland avenues on a "shots fired" call.
"The victim thought he was shooting up the apartment with a shotgun," said St. Paul police watch commander Rob Weier, noting that officers arrived to find her shaking and crying.
Investigators found no gun, however — and retrieved some firecrackers from the room.
The son, Jerry Thao, 19, was booked into the Ramsey County Jail Tuesday on suspicion of making terroristic threats.
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He sounds like great husband material.
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"Oh Jerry, calm down, with you it's always STRAIGHT TO SHOOTING IN THE FACE."
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TWSS?
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Black man.
Black woman.
White bbay.
But suppose she said she loves me?
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what's wrong with some Casper in your family tree
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they make some good points.
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Hahahahahaha no WAY Neight, that's RICH.
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Rich In Vitamins AND Sugar!
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I gotta credit Dustroyer with this but....
"We all know Sugar is Vitamin S"
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they must have banked so hard off vitamin water. that shit isn't really cheap. such a scam.
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and vitamin water doesn't seem to have a webpage anymore. they only have a little facebook page. Even if they called the shit, "sugar water" I'm sure they would still sell a billion gallons of it anyway.
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not mention they make it so that one bottle has like, 2 and half servings in it and one serving has like, 13 grams of sugar... pretty fundamentally misleading and confusing but not in an illegal way. just in a foolin' dummies kinda way.
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and they temp you into drinking the whole bottle anyway because if you don't, you'll only get 20% of your daily vitamin c... you get about that much from a lemon wedge at chipotle. I'm just mad because I drank so much of this crap. I knew it was crap but forgot how crappy, I guess.
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Do you think that with news sites trying to stay afloat and relevant that they are purposely writing headlines in an Onion-esque style? Some of these are just too ridiculous.
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Dog owner Otello *Pitts*, 48, and Gidget *Nicks*, 40, were each charged by the city attorney's office with harm caused by a dog.
Can someone please please write a limerick about these two wayward dog owners?
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Police dare Switchfoot singer to move
STORY HIGHLIGHTS
* Switchfoot is an alternative rock group from San Diego, California
* The band is on tour with the Goo Goo Dolls
* YouTube video shows Foreman playing a couple of songs before police break things up
(CNN) -- A police officer shut down an impromptu concert by Switchfoot front man Jon Foreman Sunday night, escorting him away from a group of fans outside a Tampa amphitheatre.
"Just got forcefully removed from my aftershow by the police... Officer Fisher grabbed me by the arm and shut us down. Really?!?," Foreman said in a post to his Twitter account.
Switchfoot played a concert with the Goo Goo Dolls at the 1-800 Ask-Gary Amphitheatre at the Florida State Fairgrounds Sunday.
The crowd showed up when Foreman tweeted to fans, asking them to meet him after the show.
"Aftershow tonight directy [sic] behind the ampitheatre [sic], be there in a 1/2 hour," said Foreman, who included links to a map showing the location and a picture of himself standing on a concrete barrier near the venue.
Video of the incident posted on YouTube shows Foreman playing a couple of songs on an acoustic guitar with a collection of fans around him when the officer walks up and says "It's over. It's over. C'mon, let's go."
The officer identified himself as "Fisher" when Foreman asked who he was and offered to shake his hand.
After the small crowd mildly protested, asking if one more song could be played, and Foreman hesitated to leave, the officer said, "If I call somebody over here, we will be forcing you out. So what do you want to do?"
The smiling Foreman offered his hand again, which the officer shook, and escorted the singer away.
"Thank you, Jon," several fans shouted as the crowd applauded.
"Thanks for singing along friends! We'll get the cops singing along next time...," Foreman tweeted.
CNN contacted Tampa police, but a spokesman said he was not aware of an incident.
The San Diego, California-based Christian alternative rock group is best known for its mainstream hits "Dare You to Move," from "A Walk to Remember" soundtrack and "Meant to Live," which was featured on the U.K. version of the Spiderman 2 soundtrack.
The band won a 1999 Dove Award for Song of the Year for "New Way to Be Human," and earned a Grammy nomination for the album "Learning to Breathe" in the Best Rock Gospel Album category a year later.
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"Oh man that fucking show was SICK, dogg. Oh what? Oh yeah the sound was unreal I mean you've been to a show at THE 1-800 ASK-GARY AMPHITHEATRE BEFORE, RIGHT?"
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The way I see it, it's basically good place to see shows, and everyone needs a good place to see shows sometimes, right?
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That headline is amazing!
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"We'll be playing the Doritos Cool Ranch Stage brought to you by Mountain Dew Extreme PissWater."
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This is like the Scharpling & Wurster "Corry Harris from Mother 13" bit come to life.
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Wait, I thought Sammy Hagar was the singer in Switchfoot. Did he get kicked out of another band?
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No that's Wookiefoot
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It's Chickenfoot you dingus!
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How is it that the gorilla has "stolen" something dropped in his cage.
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ERgh! Why do my links NEVER WORK!?!??!?
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/09/16/things.fall.off/index.html?hpt=T2
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oop, HER bike
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oh, that's just awful.
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the details are (well there's really only one so its more like detail is) even more gross
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:(
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ahahahahaha 1. Invest in apple stock 2. ???? 3. Profit from sheep
that is without a doubt the best thing you have ever posted on the board
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Carlos M. Harris, 38, of Falcon Heights, and Ronald H. Moore, 47, of Inver Grove Heights
Fucking suburbanites.
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Just down the street from that Dunn brothers the TCF was robbed by someone with an AIDS needle in a plastic bag.
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Carlos M. Harris, 38, of Falcon Heights, and Ronald H. Moore, 47, of Inver Grove Heights
These two last names are frighteningly familiar...
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hahahaha ur a mexican and u married a dude!
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Hahahahaha yeah faceman that must hit a lil' close to home for you two!
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Paris girl 'survives six-storey fall unharmed'
The girl was left unattended by her parents when she somehow fell, then bounced off the awning of a cafe below.
She had a further stroke of luck when a passing doctor saw her fall and caught her before she hit the ground, witnesses were quoted as saying.
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She might have survived, but she's still French.
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Well played.
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That's amazing.
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I don't understand why he would change out of his disguise on the plane, though. what?
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^that story made it to the regular news, including either rush or beck's show (huh, minus context i guess that could make someone confused) where he preceded to mock them for being poor a/o stupid a/o whatever
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I totally read that as "Old White Man Turns Into Young Asian Guy Midfight" and I got so excited for some insane morph-fight story.
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"Boehner stands firm on tax cuts"
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Finn McCool
11/11/10 4:10 PM
"Boehner stands firm on tax cuts"
Hahahahahahahahahaha
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hoping for the day:
"Boehner wilts under pressure"
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My Main Man
11/07/10 1:32 PM I totally read that as "Old White Man Turns Into Young Asian Guy Midfight" and I got so excited for some insane morph-fight story.
I laughed way too hard imagining this one. Especially at the music I imagined playing during the fight.
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That's a whole lotta beard.
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From the beard story:
Harvey Westmoreland and his brother Joseph used to think highly Troy Holt and James Hill. In fact, they were friends. That was before that May incident on Willisburg Road, where Holt used to live.
Did a god-damned 12-year-old write this story?
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omg look at the guys hat in that beard video
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Holy shit I was in Lexington, KY this weekend. Wish I would've know about this story before! I would have asked everybody about this local celebrity.
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A News of the Weird Classic (January 2003)
In 2001, a woman filed a federal lawsuit in Minnesota (Engleson vs. Little Falls Area Chamber of Commerce), seeking to recover for injuries she suffered when she tripped over an orange traffic cone. The lawsuit was dismissed in November 2002 by Judge Donovan Frank, who said that since the very purpose of the bright orange traffic cone is to warn of imminent risk, citizens should not need to be warned that they are approaching bright orange traffic cones. [Engleson v. Little Falls Area Chamber of Commerce, Civil No. 01-1072 (D.Minn), 11-28-02]
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If something exists only in myth, how do you collect it?
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God makes some good points.
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comedy section
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He didn't say it's to thwart gay people; he said it was to stop people from doing gay things. A minor difference, perhaps, but one that I find even more hilarious.
<i>Rev. Pat Robertson sparked controversy in today's broadcast of his 700 Club program when he claimed that God created the blizzard currently battering the Northeast "to punish Americans who were planning to drive to do something gay."
Explaining his theory, Rev. Robertson said, "Because of the bad road conditions the Almighty has made, any gay activities that people were planning on doing will have to be postponed by a day or two."
Additionally, he argued, God shut down major airports in the New York area "so that people who were hoping to fly to do something of a gay nature would have to take a train or a bus, so it might be days before the gay thing they were going to do could occur."<i>
Mrs. Low cited "pledging to a fraternity" as something gay that might be disrupted by the blizzard.
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so many fucking jokes my brain is breaking
yeah nothing gay ever happens in the airport while waiting for your delayed plane
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Last time we had a blizzard, it kept me from going to work. Is God trying to tell me that my job is gay? I didn't think it was sexy enough for that, but I guess God knows something I don't.
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Mythbusters proved that you can't (generally speaking) get killed by a bullet fired up into the air coming back down to Earth.
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sort of:
In the case of a bullet fired at a precisely vertical angle (something extremely difficult for a human being to duplicate), the bullet would tumble, lose its spin, and fall at a much slower speed due to terminal velocity and is therefore rendered less than lethal on impact. However, if a bullet is fired upward at a non-vertical angle (a far more probable possibility), it will maintain its spin and will reach a high enough speed to be lethal on impact. Because of this potentiality, firing a gun into the air is illegal in most states, and even in the states that it is legal, it is not recommended by the police. Also the MythBusters were able to identify two people who had been injured by falling bullets, one of them fatally injured. To date, this is the only myth to receive all three ratings at the same time.
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hahahahaha. who did Lady Gaga get hired by? 3M or something?
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Polaroid right. I wish it were 3M.
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polaroid?
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I'm sure I've posted this before:
About 4-5 years ago, some co-workers of mine were at some sort of tradeshow, working with a new Polaroid printer where anyone can send a picture message to the printer and it prints out. Will.I.Am was the celeb guest and they had him send a picture to the printer to show how simple it was. With hundreds of people watching the video feed of the printer on the screen, a picture of Will.I.Am's finger in a vagina slowly starts printing out. Will.I.Am grabs the mic and says, "That's art right there, people."
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hahaha
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AHAHHAHA wow
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Things I learned about celebs from that job:
1. Taylor Swift is one of the nicest people in the world.
2. Will.I.Am appreciates art.
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YES! THAT IS THE BEST THING EVER.
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Hahahahahahaha Oh my fucking GOD MMM that story just turned my month upside down.
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man that whole fake ass "hologram" shit on what was that cnn? wtf william, im embarrassed for you
that fingerbang photprinter story is golden though, he is 100% redeemed in my book, even though i hate black eyed peas with intense passionate fervour
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''If all else fails, you could also try shaming the flu
offender, suggests Renate Raymond, 39, of Seattle, whose
coworkers wrapped her cubicle in clear plastic and caution
tape after she went to work with the flu.''
hahaha, oh office hijinks :/
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Seems like it would be a better use of office resources for whoever is in charge to simply send that person home.
In other news, look for Icky Flu Spewers in the vita.mn "Are You Local" contest.
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a wrap, even.
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Those olive pits are dangerous, but $150,000?
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Doesn't Congress have pretty full medical/dental?
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Text message blows up suicide bomber by accident
A "Black Widow" suicide bomber planned a terrorist attack in central Moscow on New Year's Eve but was killed when an unexpected text message set off her bomb too early, according to Russian security sources.
The unnamed woman, who is thought to be part of the same group that struck Moscow's Domodedovo airport on Monday, intended to detonate a suicide belt near Red Square on New Year's Eve in an attack that could have killed hundreds.
Security sources believe a message from her mobile phone operator wishing her a happy new year received just hours before the planned attack triggered her suicide belt, killing her at a safe house.
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Bill would require all S.D. citizens to buy a gun
Five South Dakota lawmakers have introduced legislation that would require any adult 21 or older to buy a firearm “sufficient to provide for their ordinary self-defense.”
The bill, which would take effect Jan. 1, 2012, would give people six months to acquire a firearm after turning 21. The provision does not apply to people who are barred from owning a firearm.
Nor does the measure specify what type of firearm. Instead, residents would pick one “suitable to their temperament, physical capacity, and preference.”
The measure is known as an act “to provide for an individual mandate to adult citizens to provide for the self defense of themselves and others.”
Rep. Hal Wick, R-Sioux Falls, is sponsoring the bill and knows it will be killed. But he said he is introducing it to prove a point that the federal health care reform mandate passed last year is unconstitutional.
“Do I or the other cosponsors believe that the State of South Dakota can require citizens to buy firearms? Of course not. But at the same time, we do not believe the federal government can order every citizen to buy health insurance,” he said.
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POINT WELL TAKEN, REP. HAL WICK, R-SIOUX FALLS, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS POLITICIAN.
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I sent Rep. Wick a letter.
Dear Representative,
A friend recently brought to my attention your sponsorship of a bill requiring all South Dakotans 21 years of age and older to purchase a firearm "sufficient to provide for their ordinary self-defense."
I am writing with the proposal that you tack on to this bill an amendment that all South Dakota citizens also be required to light off at least two packages of "Screaming Banshee" firecracker rockets on Joo-Ly the Fourth, fireworks being as they are permitted in South Dakota, and this particular firecracker being the loudest and perhaps most patriotic of all fireworks. Growing up in South Dakota, I for some reason thought "Banshee" was a somewhat insensitive word used to describe American Indians. However, further research indicates its origins are Irish in nature, so I think we'll steer clear of offending any of your potential voters, if that is of concern to you. I'm sure serving well the interests of voters living on your great state's reservations is of utmost concern to you, so I just wanted to take a moment to point this out.*
Note, I believe singing Lee Greenwood's ode to America, "God Bless the U.S.A." should be optional, as not all South Dakota citizens own a proper boombox. A proper boombox ought be classified as such: possessing two speakers, with a volume knob that goes to 20.
Also, I would propose that the age of this requirement be dropped to 5 years old, as this is the age most South Dakota youth are handed their first lit punk by their drunk uncle.
My hope is that something truly positive (a chorus of Screaming Banshees) can come of this real funny li'l joke you're playing to make a really, big, super important point about Health Care Reform. Point well taken! Now do something meaningful!
Yours,
Nikki Miller
Formerly of Aberdeen, SD
*Would you be planning to see that possession of firearms becomes also applicable to our sovereign Indian tribes? Just wondering.
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Re: That story
Sometimes I wonder if people can hear what they sound like.
Told of the allegations against Casareto, hospital spokeswoman Gloria O'Connell said: "It doesn't sound like something that we would want to happen to one of our patients."
I mean, PROBABLY.
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Nobody on the board works for a living, COME ON.
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I really don't like it when my friends do drugs that can lead to crazy fucked up junkie behavior like this. </funpolice>
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Swagatha - I was thinking the same thing. How reassuring.
Also, this:
"[T]he decision to stop a procedure would rest with the physician and the care team involved in the procedure. I can't address how a decision was made in any specific case."
Apparently we all need to get tattoos that say "Dear Doctor - If I am writing in agony to the point where I need to be physically restrained during a procedure where I'm supposed to be out cold, please CHECK IT THE FUCK OUT.'
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"writhing"
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You leave Phil Collins alone! Meanie :(
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phil collins sucks almost as much as badnrad
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Your heart is filled with doo doo
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my mom says i have a heart of gold. i think that's why jesus wanted to get in there so i shot him in the head with a desert eagle.
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He can be a gross ham but he has done some great stuff (like Another Green World...)
There's a lot more to this guy than the genius of "I Can't Dance."
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Phil Collins needs to stay behind a drum kit where he belongs.
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That sounds vaguely racist.
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YOU ARE
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YOU SAID IT NOT ME.
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YEAH! KEEP "THEM" BEHIND THE DRUMS I SAY!
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From Sir Phil himself:
BREAKING NEWS - A Message From Phil...
Greetings to all, I've decided to write this in response to the articles that surfaced last weekend regarding my retirement. Why they were printed at all is a mystery, as I haven't spoken to anybody in the press for a few months.
However, many of the articles printed over the last few months have ended up painting a picture of me that is more than a little distorted. Therefore, I would like to add my comments and try to explain again my reasons for calling it a day.
1/ I'm not stopping because of dodgy reviews or bad treatment in the press.
2/ I'm not stopping because I don't feel loved, I know I still have a very large fanbase that loves what I do. Thank you.
3/ I'm not stopping because I don't fit in, this was proved with "Going Back" reaching No 1 in the UK, and doing incredibly well worldwide.
4/ I'm not stopping so I can dive full time into my interest for the Alamo.
I am stopping so I can be a full time father to my two young sons on a daily basis.
Some of the things mentioned above have been said by me in various interviews, but said as asides with a smile on my face and in passing. They were not meant to be "headlines", they were small parts of a conversation. This clearly doesn't come over in print and I should know better.
However, the result is that I have ended up sounding like a tormented weirdo who thinks he was at the Alamo in another life, who feels very sorry for himself, and is retiring hurt because of the bad press over the years.
None of this is true.
Thanks for all your messages on the Forum regarding this stuff, it means a lot that you care.
But there's no need for the straitjacket !
PC x
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No straitjacket required.
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AAAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
Wellest played ever.
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PETA asks San Francisco to change the name of the Tenderloin to the "Tempeh District"
“San Francisco is now renowned for some of the best vegan cuisine in the world,” Ms. Reiman wrote. “And the city deserves a neighborhood named after a delicious cruelty-free food instead of the flesh of an abused animal.”
Tenderloin aficionados were quick to point out that the moniker had little to do with meat and more to do with a neighborhood’s olden reputation as a place where the police were on the take, receiving “tenderloin,” or bribes, to turn a blind eye.
“It really referred to areas of vice and corruption,” said Randy Shaw, a longtime housing advocate in the Tenderloin who hopes to open a museum devoted to its rough-and-tumble past. “It wasn’t like they were giving them steaks. They were giving them cash.”
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Diplomatic Breakdown Amid Bieber Fever in Israel
By ISABEL KERSHNER
Published: April 12, 2011
JERUSALEM — The teenage pop idol Justin Bieber became embroiled in a diplomatic imbroglio on Tuesday when it emerged that plans for a meeting between the singer and Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel had been called off, with the sides differing over why.
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6 Year Old brings Pistol to Kindergarten link
It happened in Texas - what a huge fucking surprise that is
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hahahaa neight FTW with that armenia post
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Texas Governor Declares Weekend of Prayer For Rain
With Texas in the throes of a terrible drought and wildfires raging across the state, Gov. Rick Perry designated April 22 to April 24 (the Easter weekend) as official days of prayer for rain.
The proclamation cited the "dire conditions" across the state — including "higher than normal temperatures" and low rainfall and humidity — that have caused the loss of 400 homes to fires, killed two firefighters, harmed agriculture and reduced reservoir levels.
"I urge Texans of all faiths and traditions to offer prayers on that day for the healing of our land, the rebuilding of our communities and the restoration of our normal and robust way of life," the proclamation states.
State-sanctioned prayer for rain is not unprecedented. Officials in Tom Green County, in West Texas, declared last Sunday an official day of prayer for rain. In Lubbock, city officials did the same in 2006. In 2007, Georgia Gov. Sonny Perdue led a prayer service for rain at the state capitol.
Whether the heavens will open up is another matter. In Midland, which has had barely one-tenth of an inch of rain since October 1, meteorologist David Hennig with the National Weather Service said: "The short-term weather models are not promising as they continue to show systems remaining well to the north and westerly winds that keep Gulf moisture to our east."
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se7en
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Cool stories troll! I like those.
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Poor Mr. Peanut!
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makeitgofaster
4/26/10 12:19 PM
I hope when I die people will have a good time recounting how ridiculous I was.
lol, one year ago today.
I feel horrible for people who die from morbid obesity / being attached to furniture. You gotta ask though, who keeps feeding them?!?!?!
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I wonder how hard it is to take that first step of not getting up to use the can and shitting where you lie or sit (then not getting up). Is it preceded by hours of thinking, "Should I get up? I don't wanna, but I have to go. I should get up. I don't want to. How long can I hold it?"
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"bath salts"
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:(
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Air sex? Isn't that just...dancing?
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May I state now and for the record that in no way did I guess it.
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hilarious. the headline writer was very tactful, avoiding the fact that he 1) dug the hole, and 2) jumped into it
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Good lord. Fat people thinking: I could have eaten for free at that place if I'd only gained 8 pounds and gone to Arizona before I lost all this weight. DAMMIT.
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That place was on Man Vs. Food and it looked pretty awesome.
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jesus fuck, 29 yrs old???
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That dude is metal juggalo as fuck.
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Florida Senate Outlaws Sex.
An act relating to sexual activities involving animals; creating s. 828.126, F.S.; providing definitions; prohibiting knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal; prohibiting specified related activities; providing penalties; providing that the act does not apply to certain husbandry, conformation judging, and veterinary practices; providing an effective date.
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Ughhhhhhh. It's Bob Rubin all over again. Makes me sick to my stomach that this shit can happen
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South Florida OBGYN's - "No fat chicks" policy
Ok, the real headline is "Some ob-gyns in South Florida turn away overweight women"
link
Pretty heinous stuff - I don't mean to make light of it
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Totally off-topic, but met a friend's husband last week who is an ob-gyn. He had a ponytail and just seemed totally creepy. Bleah.
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On cnn.com right now:
Powell: Real test to come on sports' gays
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Damn! Florida truly is the most fucked up state
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Florida: America's Limp Dick.
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I wonder if this is based on similar ringtones - theory being that we lose the ability to hear certain high frequency tones as we age. There was a sample somewhere on the web - I could hear some of them, but not all. They were really annoying. The ringtones were being marketed as a way for teens to use their cel phones in environments (like a classroom) where they don't want adults to know they're using them.
One of the flaws of this plan is that younger people can also tolerate the sound better, and probably won't be deterred.
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I believe this in Hastings. My buddy was saying that the park by his parents have some "Teen Alarm" that only Teens can hear, he was wondering how much it bothers the Teens inside the houses that surround the park.
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Beware young teens for the SONIC SCREEN may capture you!
http://www.hastingsstargazette.com/event/article/id/25048/
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I could hear it, just barely....
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my little sister told me about this... do you remember that episode of 30 rock when jenna pretends she can hear it cause she wants to seem younger haha and then they play one that only people older than 40 can hear and she acts like she cant hear it but starts yelling? haha i love that show.
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Somehow the last two articles from J Low and Neight are connected, I just can't put it together yet.
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Given all the guitar feedback I've purposely made and listen too, I really shouldn't be able to hear that teen ringtone anymore. I should also be able to enjoy it. I don't.
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the Classical
5/10/10 8:25 AM Welcome to Obama's America
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hahahahahahahahaha religion is amazing
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all of the details to that story are amazing:
It reminded a judge of a curse passed on a now deceased secular lawyer about 20 years ago, when judges bid his spirit to enter the body of a dog.
One of the judges reportedly asked local children to carry out the sentence.
the stoning had been ordered as "as an appropriate way to 'get back at' the spirit which entered the poor dog"
The animal is said to have escaped before the sentence was carried out.
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damn lawyers are sneaky
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Oh sweet lord those last three are awesome, terrible and perfect, in that order.
Also this is coach.
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New York Times headline just popped up on my iPad
"Taint From Tabloids Rubs Off On Cozy Scotland Yard"
By the time I clicked through they had changed it to "Stain."
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"Taint From Tabloids Stains Cozy Scotland Yard"?
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BBC this morning: "Aussie Stoner on pole in Germany"
(Australian driver Casey Stoner has the pole position in the German MotoGP race.)
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Aussie Stoner hahahahaha
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Every time this thread gets bumped I read the strib article again and find myself in tears..
....of laughter
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Hahahahahahaha
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""A lot of his ideas would actually benefit minorities," he added.
I sense a heart-warming movie of the week somewhere in all of this.
Starring Coach as Principal Borzellieri.
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...from the board or from Coach?
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EXCELLENT question.
Our Coach as a young Frank, TV's Coach as present-day Frank.
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No specific article, but Neil Justin's dispatches from Hollywood last week were very Jackie Harvey/Outside Scoop.
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"A surveillance video showed Ehlert wearing gloves, using a wrench and spending 12 minutes working to drop the 18-ton stern anchor"
While drunk. This guy is a hero.
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lol
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Hah was coming to post just that. It was "half-stupid"
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U.K. tabloid Sunday Sport recently introduced the world to Percy Foster, a 35-year-old dwarf porn star whose career was just beginning to catch fire. It was all because an observant production assistant on the set of Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It's Up Your Arse We Go had noticed how much Foster looked like celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. But just as Foster was set to join the rarefied ranks of celebrity lookalike dwarf porn stars, tragedy struck: The body of the 3' 6" performer has been discovered in a badger's den, partially eaten.
According to Sunday Sport's follow-up account, Foster was found "deep in an underground chamber by Ministry of Agriculture experts ahead of a planned badger-gassing programme near Tregaron, west Wales." They write that "expert CSI teams had to use fingertip technology to remove his body from the six-foot-deep burrow." (I have no idea what fingertip technology is, but I imagine it's akin to one of those claw cranes you find in arcades and drugstores.)
Officials have not yet ruled out suicide, and adult film producer Dexter Yamunkeh's comments — in which he intimates that Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf — certainly don't invalidate the possibility:
"Percy was a little guy with big problems. He was doing well but he was under pressure, 24/7, like everyone in this goddamned business."
It's more than a little curious that the internet, aka God's porn dumping grounds, contains not a single reference to either Percy or Dexter prior to these two news items. But that's just the cynic in me talking. So tonight, we pour out a little (and I do mean little) gin in memory of poor Percy. We may never get to see his work in Midget MasterChef: Assbasters 7, but his memory will live on all the same.
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"I know it sounds funny ... but it was horrifying."
A Fudgesicle is a frozen, ice cream-like snack.
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The Onion would have swapped the prepositions.
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My God. Did you read it?
"Authorities said she fired a .32-caliber pistol at the possum but the bullet struck O'Bryant in what was deemed an accidental shooting.
Sheriff's officials said she then shot the possum and called police."
Hang on bud, I'll call for help in a minute. Lemme first finish the job with the possum.....BANG! All right, let's have a look at yer face. Yep.....better call the police.
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Best part.
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Meth prioritization?
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I hear she's having lunch with Dick Cheney tomorrow. Apparently they're going to start some accidental face shooting club.
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This whole thing with the Onion today is quite the laugh. I can't believe the nerve that some of these "real" news organizations have.
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I expected better from the Syfy network blog.
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Wow, neight.
“We found out later on that, constitutionally, you can not ban a type of music,” she told Reason.TV.
So, you found that out "later". Interesting.
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Guess she missed fifth grade social studies. And 6th-12th grade, too. Presumably she went to college. Guh.
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MMM-you beat me to the punch. I just ran across this article a few minutes ago.
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This thread is so good
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surveillance footage, plz! OH MY GOD I SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE!
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yeah, dream jack off moment.
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Everyone loves a good melee. Especially airloom.
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Plenty of cellphone video already up on YouTube.
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A couple of my students are regulars with the MOA security. I am fully expecting one of them to be a part of this once I can see some video that isn't an ADHD teen with a cellphone going "Holy fuck brah crazy bro fuckin' A bro!"
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i like huffposts headline: Brawl of America
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fuck that. My in-laws took my son to underwater world yesterday and thankfully left the mall probably within minutes of this happening.
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Oh god, is this one of those 'flashy mobs'?
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More like 'punchy mobs'. Take me to the fights!
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I am POSITIVE some of my guys were in this. Just had a buddy log into JDC and none of them were arrested or processed, but I think only nine of the 200 were arrested. Can't wait to get back to school.
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Her friend Hannah Betz, 16, also of Maple Plain, said the rampage was incredibly loud. "I'm used to screaming" from Nickelodeon Universe, "but this was a different kind of screaming," Betz said.
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GOD DAM teenagers!!!! they should be RL banned from being heard or seen till they grow up.
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Black Church Is Landlord of KKK Store
"You got a black-ass damn nigger that thinks he owns something, and he don’t own a damn thing and he’s a troublemaker. And he claims to be a landlord and he’s fixin’ to get a damn list of stuff that needs to be done to that building. And he better get to work on it or I’ll sue the hell out of him!”
its always refreshing to see racists not squandering their idiocy in just one area, its good to spread your density around and make sure you're a well rounded imbecile
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"When asked for his I.D., the man handed the officers a taco. He then began trying to eat the taco."
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Wow. That man is a true American hero.
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This
Sleeping Florida man arrested in drive-thru, offers cops taco as I.D. from inside burning car
is the most beautiful news headline ever written.
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Cop:"Ok, let's see some id"
Dude:"This taco is my identification. This taco more fully describes me then a government issued piece of plastic bearing my photo. I am this taco."
Cop:"..." reaches for tazzer
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like, if he put some pico de gallo and shredded lettuce on his face, he could probably get into a club.
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"...is the most beautiful news headline ever written.
That's pretty much what I thought too.
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he looks like tyrion, not a taco
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I guess that's not so Onion-y as it is WTF-y.
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"Meals can easily reach over 8,000 calories and customers over 350 pounds eat free."
That's depressing.
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at 8000 calories a burger i should hit 350 in no time!
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I don't see a problem with the PB, as long as he stole his piggybacks from the winners
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He's been charged with fraud, disorderly conduct, possession of an electronic weapon and possession of drug paraphernalia.
Hahahaha that last bit caught me off guard.
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<a href="www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-highlands-islands-17182541">World's oldest sheep dies after jumping fence and falling over a cliff</a>
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After representing himself, Duluth man complains of bad counsel
Steven Oppel argued to the court Tuesday that, contrary to what a jury found, he is not guilty of sexually assaulting a preteen girl and he should get a new trial because he was defended by a man who was ineffective, incompetent and had no idea what he was doing.
Oppel was talking about himself.
The 47-year-old Duluth man chose to represent himself at trial rather than hire an attorney or inquire as to whether he qualified for a public defender. During an interview outside the courtroom during his four-day December trial, he said he chose to represent himself because he couldn’t afford a private attorney and he didn’t trust the work of public defenders, whom he labeled with a derogatory term.
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Stephen Hawking to cameo on 'Big Bang Theory'
IMAGE REMOVED - CLICK TO VIEW
geek dream finally fulfilled!
Sheldon (Jim Parsons) will finally meet his hero, Stephen Hawking, in an upcoming episode of The Big Bang Theory. The CBS show is keeping details of Hawking’s appearance under wraps but EW did find out that the author of A Brief History of Time will appear in a scene with Parsons on April 4.
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That guy is awesome. That show: shit.
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this is weird i don't know where to put it. no doubt it will be a news item soon.
these guys probably weren't doing true drag but rather mocking (seeing as though they had jeans and boots on underneath their dresses.
if you click through you can see a video of two guys from sedan mn in dresses fighting a fire.
http://twincitiesfirewire.com/2012/03/17/central-mn-firefighters-battle-fire-in-drag/
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Oregon is "where else?" Also, some of these classes are really hard.
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Oberon says the Potter-buzz has increased enrolment in his school: 'Of course I love Harry Potter,' admits Oberon. 'He has increased the interest in wizardry 1000 fold, as if by magic.'
Oh, wait! Do you get it? I think I do.
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There is magic just rolling down the slopes of the Rockies out there. As if by magic.
Oberon has his sights on a "castle"in Helena, Montana for his school. The article is actually about a year old so I wonder how his hopes/dreams have fared?
Fuck, now I want a Bells Oberon. I wish one would appear in my hand, as if by magic
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Spring=Oberon. Yummy beer magic.
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I want to become a beer wizard
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sounds like someone's in need of a school of wizardry
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A forsee that this is one of your many possible futures.
Unfortunately, another path leads to becoming a cabbage hag.
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Is that what happens to cabbage patch kids when they grow old?
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well then maybe i will enroll in RQOTM's wizard school
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Minnesota police giving Peavy Plaza Occupy-ers drugs as part of impairment study, report says
One young man who identified himself as Panda said he got "high as fuck" in front of a couple police officers. He said he was walking down the street downtown when an officer told him he smelled like marijuana.
"I started walking faster... [but then] he asked me if I wanted to smoke more. I stopped in my tracks, said 'yes,' and then I smoked with a cop," Panda said, adding that the weed given to him by officers was "some of the best shit I've had in a while." He said officers bought him a double cheeseburger at McDonald's on his way back downtown.
WTFF?? (first F stands for fucking). Dammit Panda.
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I read this from someone else this morning, funny thing is: I was standing in an alley downtown last summer and a cop car rolled up and asked for volunteers. A buddy hopped in and grifted a 12 pack & some weed from them.
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That's the Minneapolis police for ya, generating lawsuits since 1886.
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Apparently this is not the work of Minneapolis police, which is even more fucked up.
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I'm confused by this story.
Why is the extent of the department's quoted response "One (unnamed) officer who spoke to journalists said he never gave subjects drugs," while the story no where indicates any acknowledgement that the program exists?
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Wow. How is it possible that multiple people who work together could know who Keith Moon was but not be aware he's dead?
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I once listened to two of my co-workers talking about Robert Plant having died for like 20 minutes before realizing they were both talking about Robert Palmer.
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i hope this guy doesn't go hang out at the turf. he will blend right in.
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2012/05/08/patient-missing-from-st-peter-regional-treatment-center/
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The kid and the school making excuses for the other school. Ugh. Would you talk about "moral courage" if the school refused to play against other kids because of skin color?
Lil' Low played Hopkins soccer last summer. The teams were not co-ed, which I thought was lame but whatever. They were supposed to play against some boy teams but those games got cancelled because the boys wouldn't play them. Because they were afraid of the girls kicking their asses. Which they would have. Grrrr...
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Whoa, did not see that quote from the "headmaster" when I read about this yesterday. Moral courage? Moral courage would be the kids on that baseball team showing up anyway to play the damn game.
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some guys hate it when a girl kicks their ass.
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some guys like it a lot.
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The rare McCool slip-up: As the master of pith, you ought to have declined the explanatory sentence.
I'm watching.
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Haha Slee ZZ!
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That sounds completely reasonable to me.
Also, the sheriff's name is Mike Judge? Really?
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RIP AV Club TC
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RIP AV Club TC
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I was interviewed by an Onion writer for a big piece on Freaky Deeky, but it never got e-printed.
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO lame
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The Chicago-content site shut down last week. The national AV Club office in Chicago is still running. Sounds like very few local offices remain open (Austin and Madison are gone), and the main Onion office which was in NYC last I checked is packing up and moving to Chicago.
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I blame myself.
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the end times
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Yeah, that's a disappointment. I liked the crossword puzzle and being pissed that they never printed any of my press releases.
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SECOND!
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"I didn't want to be alone. He was the only guy who was ever nice to me."
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If Clone kicks it before I do, I'll polish his boots and play him Saint Vitus records.
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Holy Shit!
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turns out the goat guy was doing research before a hunting trip, to see how well his goat suit worked.
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Godlessness at the University of Texas in Austin!
Matthew 6:7
But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.
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yes
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Can I just take a moment to express, again, how much I wish someone would domesticate bears?
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Figures that we had to learn this from the Australian media. The powerful US bear lobby doesn't want us to know the truth.
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You know that Sarah Palin is a bear, right?
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Oh that Dong is at it again!
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-- Chinese trampolinist Dong Dong made three wishes on New Year's Eve.
Go to London. Get the gold medal. Bring back the gold medal.
Kind of wasted a wish, if you ask me...
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I like that he didn't specify how we would get the medal.
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Actual headline from Reuters:
Trampoline: Laughing Dong bounces to gold
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This beer is TOO hoppy.
This beer is TOO malty.
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haha. frumious!
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Tom Morello: 'Paul Ryan Is the Embodiment of the Machine Our Music Rages Against'
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j low hes got chips too
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Vote Mitt/The Macine 2012!
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J low those were formerly branded as Bubba's.
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https://www.nationalreview.com/nrd/articles/313504/boss
Why women should vote for Mitt Romney.
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LOL Nailed it.
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That National Review article is beyond depressing
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hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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best ever.
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wow that fresco!
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i've come back to this thread to look at it like 20 times today. cannot. stop. laughing. praise jesus for this wonderful woman.
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love it. jesus now kinda looks like a monkey-creature or something. respect.
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The once-dignified portrait now resembles a crayon sketch of a very hairy monkey in an ill-fitting tunic, he says.
The article was hanging on the bulletin board at work. That sentence is where I totally lost it.
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That fresco thing is like the main plot of the Mr. Bean movie.
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hahahahahahahahaha love it
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HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA
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Christ the Red Lemur.
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YES
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still awesome
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Omg that's amazing, f&f.
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petition to keep the fresco as-is:
http://www.change.org/es/peticiones/ayuntamiento-de-borja-zaragoza-mantenimiento-de-la-nueva-versi%C3%B3n-del-ecce-homo-de-borja
!
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ahh here it is. :)
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Why does it have to be in an elevator?
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Is DMX just riding elevators all over the world hoping Drake will get in one?
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Drake is waiting for an elevator. Doors open. DMX is standing there.
Drake:"I'ma catch the next one"
DMX:"Dammit! I almost had him!"
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...ten years ago
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Right next to the giant bucket of Jelly Bellys.
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"This bucket of cheese balls is widely regarded as one of the most important of Utz's works."
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fuckfaces conflating up Costco with Sam's Club get beat down
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I don't have a Costco membership. Are they Utz-less?
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Where's the Utz deals now?
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I was with a friend for his first visit to a Costco in Kansas City last week. When we walked through the front door he said "Goddamn, it's like a Sam's Club but run by Democrats!"
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URL.org's politial coverage is slipping these days.
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i couldn't even make it past the pictures. what a moron.
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So sophisticated, that New York City.
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The last part was really good. I looked at the blog for a few minutes but it froze my computer. I hate that woman.
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Thant's pretty rich.
I like how the cave man called Obama the black Bush and Mittens the white Bush.
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Wow
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I don't know what is so funny about this story, but I've been giggling about it for the last 15 minutes.
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I did the same thing, faceman. It's not funny, but it's fucking hilarious! Way to go nature! You win! And lose! HAHAHAHAHA
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Party Tip: Consider a two-state solution.
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Liquid and gaseous?
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that clothing line sounds pretty extreme
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there's a story on msn today with a picture of Mel Gibson and the following headline: Gibson might reach out to help Lohan
how in the fuck...might?...Mel Gibson....ahngpatj
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That would have been a good House plot.
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He did get L.L. Cool J drunk on tequila after he tried to kill himself by drinking copier toner. Same basic principle.
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‘Build a Death Star’ petition clears threshold for Obama response
Some estimates put the cost of doing so at around $852 quadrillion, roughly 13,000 times the gross domestic product of the entire Earth—even when factoring in the savings of not putting any guardrails around any of the facility's seemingly endless number of bridges, spans, shafts and pits. And history cautions against being too proud of the technological terror thus constructed, because the ability to destroy a planet, or even a whole system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.
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I was really hoping that the italicized text was actually the official White House response.
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Gun lobby CEO calls for guns to protect schools
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<3 me some dogs that drive
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it's pretty much the pinnacle of Baller Status
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DDD = designated driver dog. WANT
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horawua
8/04/12 9:05 AM
Actual headline from Reuters:
Trampoline: Laughing Dong bounces to gold
Hahahahahahahahahaha how did I miss this one the first time??? Hahahahaha
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Note that in dunderchief's link the North Korean news agency states that the unicorn lair was "recently reconfirmed". Re-confirmed!
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jawknee
12/13/12 2:37 PM
‘Build a Death Star’ petition clears threshold for Obama response
Some estimates put the cost of doing so at around $852 quadrillion, roughly 13,000 times the gross domestic product of the entire Earth—even when factoring in the savings of not putting any guardrails around any of the facility's seemingly endless number of bridges, spans, shafts and pits. And history cautions against being too proud of the technological terror thus constructed, because the ability to destroy a planet, or even a whole system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.
danjohnson
12/13/12 2:46 PM
I was really hoping that...was actually the official White House response.
This Isn't the Petition Response You're Looking For
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I remember a similar story a long time ago where a deaf guy had his eyes gouged out on a bus.
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If only the reason were "because the kids already know that."
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haha I heard that on NPR this morning
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Now is the winter of our disinterment.
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I was just about to post "Now is the winter of our discounted monthly rates."
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"A Porsche! A Porsche! My kingdom for a Porsche!"
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Rule 11 that shit.
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"When he was sacked."
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that explains Macklemore
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oh man poor guy that sucks
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i saw a scrolling thing on the news today about a woman who was arrested for a hit and run drunk driving after partying to celebrate her pregnancy.
classy.
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His former position? "Vice-Mayor"
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Cross-post to Baller 2
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hey pitpat
http://blogs.citypages.com/blotter/2013/04/teisha_randle_was_partying_in_celebration_of_her_pregnancy_the_night_she_killed_augsburg_student.php
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Ach, du lieber!
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A dude shot himself at the nascar NRA 500.
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please provide warnings before Huffington Post links. :-(
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I edited my hosts file so any huffington post link routes to localhost. The resulting blank page is such a timesaver and relief.
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Well, if it wasn't carnival games, it was going to be something else - pulltabs, penny stocks, rock-paper-scisssors tournament betting. Some people aren't meant to have life savings. And to call it life savings, while not inaccurate, is a bit deceptive.
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Assata Shakur was just added to the FBI's "Most Wanted Terrorists" list.
Yes, the one from the 70s.
Insane.
link
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Threatening Dildos newbandnamecalledit!
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(fake)
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DUDE RAE TOTALLY.
awesome movie.
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