I am all but confident this thread will not gain traction despite the previous megathread approaches 1,700 posts containing well over 200,000 characters at the time of this writing. BTW, this is First World Annoyance for sure, perhaps not a problem.

First-world gripe/cry for attention: hardly anybody looked at or commented upon my pictures from Tokyo/Seoul/Mumbai.

wait what

When I look at this board on my phone or tablet sometimes I touch the thread's name instead of the Fast Mode arrows. The larger threads then will take forever to load on a slow connection. The trve bummer is when I stop the entire thread from loading, go back, then hit the Fast Mode arrows nothing appears in the 'Unread' section.

ugh, Manny, I know. I hate that, especially if it's the recent pictures thread.

I can't figure out which first world problems/complaint thread to complain in any more.

I did not know about Fast mode until about 5 seconds ago. Thank you Mannyapolis.

The new walk-up copiers at work are too nice. What I mean is they do everything my high volume copier does but just a little slower. Why am I so bummed out? I should be happy for the office.

Maybe it's because anyone can figure out to create a program and run financial reports or purchase office supplies for the organization but I can't perform actuarial sciences on the group plan or run data security on the servers. This is a sad moment for me...

I go long expanses of time without these moments so thank you for bearing with me.

did THIS for MTV's new music blorg and they didn't credit me... wtf.

That was awesome. Nice job!

thanks! ok that makes up for it.

A friend of mine had a song on one of the Real Worlds. The band was supposed to get a credit and a dollar. I'm not sure that they ever got either.

ahhhhh band stuff

Still not understanding some of the fancy lingo on MRMB i.e., why the hell people spell true with a v.

a good deal of the musicians in minneapolis are here because of a time travel mishap involving ancient rome and sparks malt liquor.

Also, it is a metal bleed-over.

I don't understand what o_O means

It's what happens when pepperfaces post here.

O_o

I call them Zorbs >.<

Back to the topic at hand: Went to silent auction for Lil' Low's school on Saturday. We got outbid by twenty bucks on getting a week at a condo in Maine for a quarter of the price. Winner ignores the fact that the description explicitly specified the week the condo was available and calls the donor to try and get a different week. Can't, so he refuses to pay. We get a call to see if we're still interested, followed shortly by another call saying that the winning bidder was such a jerk that the donor withdrew the condo.

lol

rich people are hilarious

I feel bad for J Low, his family, and whatever charity lost out because of dum ppl. donnyyy for shame!

lol i'm saying that everyone (all rich) in this situation was a complete fucker, in that they were too self-absorbed to make sure the charity/school got the money, which was the purpose of the auction.

my parents are coming and that will probably make tonight a five dog night.

they will probably clean my house even though i just cleaned it. i hope my dad re-organizes my condom bin again.

So many different ways to sort them!

My son finally gave up and agreed to have his haircut today. But he kept a bag of his hair and now he's playing with it. He even taped a chunk to his lip and he looks like a young cop and/or Dave Foley. It's creepy.

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Parker rules so much! Tell him to tape on a mullet and put on a pair of sunglasses so we can see a Hipster Parker.

I love that kid. Sharyn, do you still have that photo of him and I after we played at Treehouse?

You mean this one?
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Ha! My kid is so freaking funny.

Please to explain how I'm a complete fucker?

Well, Lil Low wouldn't be here if ya weren't

HE DOESNT MEAN YOU JLOW STOP FIGHTING DAD

oh god. you are soooo sensitive about everything. i was referring to the people who fucked up in the story you told. not you.

PLEASSE YOU GUYS I HAVE A HANGOVER.

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I know. I was fucking wit ya.

I preferred the in-between stage during the haircut when my son resembled Swedish pop star Robyn. Is that weird?
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hahaha that's a great look

Seriously! And now he's got a really boring standard boy haircut. Bah.

I'm having a birthday party at an art studio in NE during art a whirl that will be by all accounts incredibly awesome, but just found out everyone will be charged $20 cover instead of the $5 I thought it would be.

Having someone usurp the only monumentally successful MRMB thread you started by creating a sequel thread: FIRST WORLD PROBLEM.

I love the name of your thread, stu. It's because of the great respect I have for you is why I've made a call to help you out with your problem.

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They are doing construction all around where I work, including eventually taking down and rebuilding the god damn bridge over 169 (169 and Bren). This is going to make everything suck. Hard.

that's where danj works, too. UHG?

There was something on my car this morning that looks a lot like semen.

Naw, but I pass UHG on my way in. They have it pretty bad, their driveway got all torn up, that was the first thing they did. This morning it took me about 15 minutes to get from my place to the exit, then another 10-15 waiting at the exit before I could get to my office's parking lot. It's already a really crazy road system out here, this is going to be awful.

I'm out of ibuprofen. Just took acetaminophen for this freaking headache but the stuff gives me gutrot.

I forgot to get my parking validated at my dentist's office until I'd crossed the street and then I didn't feel like crossing back.

We are almost out of diet coke!

In my office at work. There was a giant carpenter ant crawling up my leg. I'm not sure if I squealed out loud or not because I have my headphones on.

the dogs snuck into the no pee room while i was gone. they probably peed. yes. i only have one NO PEE room.

That really isn't exactly a "first world" problem

hahahahaha

There's a number one in there somewhere.

It's a first world problem because she allows the dogs in her house.

She has a house.

the jicks and the throne on the same night

This Nigori is sweeter than I like my sake. But it's helping dull the pain. Stupid cramps.

I am not complainy by nature... but I played so long and so loud at Saturday's psychedelic marching band parade that I cut the inside of my lower lip on my bottom teeth and now the teeth marks have turned into canker sores (or aphthous ulcers!-- thanks, Wikipedia) and they're making me super irritable. Also, it makes me dribble drinks into my beard, further exacerbating my crankiness. Bleah.

Would a straw help?

Don't think I haven't thought about bringing a few straws with me in a baggie over the last few days! But that isn't so slick for morning coffee.

Iced coffee. Just trying to help.

boris parsley
7/26/11 4:09 PM

There's a number one in there somewhere.

OH DAAANG

Man, if I knew there was gonna be a herpes-infested make-out session at the parade, I woulda definitley stuck around till the end!

Imitrex not working yet :(

c'mon

are canker sores what make your teeth fall off then?

The cashier at Rainbow didn't give me any Monopoly pieces.
The body of one of my tenants was just pulled out of the Mississippi.
My ceiling fan has started making grinding noises.

Holy fuck Finn.

The lady at SA tried to overcharge me for Red Bull.

For the second time in a week I came home to find my cat Freddy confined to my bedroom. At least it was only for a couple of hours this time. The first time it was eight hours. I guess I should be happy - I'd rather have these last two realtors confine him in the house than let him out of it, but it's still weird. Especially when they left the other cat where she was.

One of my cats left a turd on the bathroom floor not far from the litter box. I stepped on it and smushed it into the tile grout and the ridges on the bottom of my shoe. I didn't realize I had done it until I couldn't get away from the cat shit smell, no matter how far I got from the litter box. So basically I tracked cat shit all through my house. Mannyapolis is usually the one to take care of whatever comes out of the back end of the cats, but he's not feeling well and is sleeping. I had to clean up all of the cat poop by myself. Sucks.

Landlord sent us a text message at 10:15pm telling us he was showing the place at 1:00 tomorrow. We just started tearing the place apart, getting ready to toss stuff. Maybe this belongs in the DICK MOVE thread.

i fucking hate cat shit more than anything. i have many stories about cat shit if you are interested in hearing them.

Cat pee is worse. So much worse.

cosigned

Cat pee is nasty business.

Also nasty? I was told I look like Snooki(sp?) today.

sharyn, you definitely do not look like Snooki.

Could be worse. They could have said Snoopy.

i read snoopy ha. if you get a tanning bed desk instead of a treadmill desk you might look like snooki...

Ha! I'd rather look like Snoopy I think. No tanning for me. Ever. I went to work with straightened hair today and that's the special place the Snooki comments came from.

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all these ridiculous people are posting on the facebook ne minneapolis crimewatch page about how they don't want the lowry bridge to get rebuilt because crime will increase in ne. i understand the sentiment, and statistically crime will probably increase, but i don't know how posting pictures of people with addresses is north who commit crimes in northeast is helping. it's just misguided and frustrating and reminds me why i don't like most people.

I noticed all this crime leaked in from the twentieth century. Damn you Bill Clinton.

What's wrong with looking like Snoopy?


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Ryan threw my ice cream away. Not because it was bad, but because it was "taking up space". I'd been saving it for this very moment. Fuck. I would throw away one of his frozen meat logs, but I won't stoop.

Hit him where it really hurts, steal his cigs and booze.

I don't want to kill him.

Boy's gotta learn a lesson.

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I could just make it a long evening of that "I'm not mad, just disappointed" vibe. But that's probably too biotch of a move.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OK, now go buy her some ice cream.

Oh, no no. I don't really need it anyway.

Yes you do! Dammit, I really really want ice cream now.

I was putting a bag of rotten asparagus in the trash this morning and liquified asparagus spilled out of the bag, down my whole leg, on my shoe and shorts and on the floor. Worst smell! Almost barfed.

Eeeuuhheeuh

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I worked at Lush this morning and now I'm closing at the Triple Rock. I had planned to eat some sort of amazing gluttonous burger for dinner tonight, so all I had to eat today was 4 oz of mixed nuts and a popsicle and I drank a bunch of water and juice but I'm still not hungry for the burger. >:(

- I keep losing my camera lens caps.
- Lately Facebook has been switching me to "Available to Chat" mode which I *never* want. Which leads to unwanted communication from people I should probably unfriend - and to hastily closed browser tabs.
- My son wanted to see the Green Lantern movie today but it is no longer in theaters (kind of a win for me). I'm sure it will be in second run theaters soon.
- I have way too much to accomplish today and no motivation to do any of it.

Too many chicken carcasses taking up space in my freezer, so I should make stock. But it's hot, danged hot. And then I'd have to either can them in the pressure canner (even more hot) or freeze containers of it, thus negating the space I just made.

There is a hole in my screen and everyday I wake up with more and more mosquito bites.

Sun stock!

that could also be the ultimate, and DIRE, 3rd world problem, right squash?

Somebody get that girl some mosquito netting!

my new apartment smells weird and all the people who live there are staight out of the hills have eyes.

hahahahah remodeling.

I wish warsawpactarmor would start a Second World Problems thread.

A strong gust of wind knocked down one of my George Nelson atomic accent lamps and I'm PISSED. It better be okay or mother nature is getting an assful of uranium.

JRN
8/01/11 1:21 PM
I wish warsawpactarmor would start a Second World Problems thread.

I had to wait 4 years for my Lada to be delivered. Not that there's anywhere to go in Omsk.

Working from home today. Kept hearing the chirping of a battery dying in a smoke alarm. Got out the step ladder to disable it. Stupid batteries are some specialty 3v lithium shit. And my arms were too short to put the smoke alarm cover back on.

They just took down the bridge over 169 by my work this weekend that I mentioned in my last post in this thread. It looked really weird coming in this morning. The drive home will suck a little harder for the next 3 months

I have a job interview but I don't know what type of lesson I should prepare for the demo lesson, considering a lot of the lessons I wrote last year were context-dependent. thinking of going with the lesson about affixes/roots from Latin bc it's relatively easy for spanish speakers to figure out? I'm in waaay over my head here

The really loud obnoxious chip-on-his-shoulder AA guy is leading group and he is so condescending. AND LOUD. All he does is yell at people and tell him how awesome he is for getting sober and how they don't take any responsibility for their lives. And he always says "alright?" "and "look, ____________" and "LISTEN TO ME" like he is going to say something really amazing. and he never does.

The annoying boss seems to think that he absolutely needs to tell me to do things around here. He told me to call in a beer order, nevermind that we have a rep that comes in every week to take our order. So, I called in the order. Two minutes later... our rep walks in the door!
Does this belong in the "Dear Co-worker" thread?

we need to merge the two threads because i want to have more flexibility in complaining. shit, that reminds me:

there are two threads on the message board that i post on and i dont know which one to post in, but there is one i dont post in merely on principle. but i also cant remember what that principle is.

zsa zsa, did you listen to that insane Thi s American Life story about the mobster-wannabee facilities guy in upstate new york that swags posted awhile ago? Sounds familiar, maybe not as extreme.

The salsas in the cafeteria were not labeled and I got mild instead of spicy.

hahahahahahaha J Low is mos def the best at this thread/game.

First world problems: I has them.

Was just given 35 minutes of notice before a showing at my house. That's a record low. Unless you include the time the showing realtor showed up unexpected on my front porch, having entered the wrong date in the system.

Overslept a little this morning and didn't do the dishes. My son's makeshift bed is still on my bedroom floor, where he's been sleeping to be in air conditioning. And the lawn care service I pre-paid hasn't been coming so my yard is a mess.

Wheeeeeee.

i like the new Fucked Up record

my polish sausage turned out to be a hot dog

I just bit into an unripe peach. Fuck. Huge let down.

im tired but i cant take a nap for at least 3 more hours.

My son's camp bus is late today and I'm getting requests from work for things that need to be done ASAP. Sigh.

I bought tickets online for a show in Vancouver ten years ago (Clutch, Biohazard and Candiria - fuck you) and TicketMaster still emails me to let know about upcoming shows in the northwest.

It probably took me more time to write this post than it would to unsubscribe.

I really want to post in this thread, but I don't really have anything to complain about right now.

Hahaha! J Low rules this thread.

As long as I'm being a whiny bitch in public: I didn't get a fat, director-level job with my favorite professional sports organization after preparing my ass off and giving as good of a third-round presentation/interview in front of the CEO, President, and 2 VPs as I possibly could.

Somebody post that WAAAAAAHMBULANCE pic.

T-Wolves?

the Lynx do not know what they are missing

Hahaha! Yep and yep. Both teams are run by the same organization.

Hey, the Lynx are by far the most ass-kickingest pro sports team in town by a country mile. Ain't ashamed to admit I'm a big fan.

Did you meet with T3d J0hns0n? I used to work with him. He called me 'Jason' for a month or so.

I saw a little bit of a Lynx game last night and was surprised and totally impressed.

Admit it, you work for the Swarm

PMed, MMM.

I thought the Hypstrz/Mighty Mofos show at Mill City was tonight, so I agreed to switch my shift tomorrow from 9-5 to 1-9 so the other woman I work with can see her granddaughter play in Cats. The show is tomorrow. This is what happens when you try to be nice.

ive been drinking out of this glass bottle that originally iced tea in it for well over a year. rarely do i wash it, as i only drink water out of it. everyone always gives me a hard time and tells me it is dirty and disgusting, but i kept insisting that it only looked that way because it originally had tea in it.

i just cleaned it out with a paper towel and there was a ton of red stuff on the paper towel

Maybe you beat a hooker to death with it and forgot?

I want to try the Hendricks gin in the kitchen at work, because I don't care for juniper gin but think I might like this cucumber business all right, but I just brushed my teeth.

Omg Hendricks is so good

Hendricks is our family drink.

Seriously.

Also, it is a very good summery booze. Yum.

What can I do to get this toothpaste taste out of my mouth so I can sample this fine beverage?

Drink some orange juice.

Ewwwwwwww.

Also? I was just IMing My Main Man to tell him to make me a drink but I typed "make me a dink"

Be careful what you wish for.

Thankfully I am not a dink! But I did enjoy some Hendrick's.

Hendrick's is my favorite! i think it's on sale at Skoal

Insert remark abut the "full bodied" nature of said beverage here.

It's really more "crisp" than "full bodied."


I mean, it's gin.

It was a name thing. Lame pop culture tie-in.






i.e. I'm not that clever.

Hendricks is still juniper-based, it just also has cucumber and rose. It is great but not my favorite. DO NOT EVER PUT A FUCKING LIME IN IT.

too late. why not?

I am applying for jobs with the UN which is a very long process and I have to take 3 tests. UGHHHH.

It just kinda ruins it. It's sooooo much better with a cucumber garnish (slice or spear) instead.

i disagree

Swagatha Christie
8/04/11 9:30 PM
Hendricks is still juniper-based, it just also has cucumber and rose. It is great but not my favorite. DO NOT EVER PUT A FUCKING LIME IN IT.

Ahhh. Well, the cucumber and rose help mask the ickiness of juniper. And I would never put a lime in it! Just a little mulled cucumber + cucumber slice.

cucumber weirdos
lime 4 ever

I have one of J Low proportions:

My friend tried to give me her Tiffany ring that matches the Tiffany bracelet she gave me a few months ago, but it was too big to fit any of my fingers.

I made a Hendrick's cocktail last night. Muddled basil (from our CSA farm), cucumber spears, and str8 gin over some ice. My first world problem is that it's gone, now.

Not having Hendrick's gin at home is the biggest first world problem EVER. I am currently undergoing the hardships of that problem.

Nice work, Emily! We should go monacle shopping sometime.

Quite.

The new sheets I bought for my california-king sized bed aren't very soft.

i had to take my car down to my parents' mechanic because it's been acting a bitch lately and i had to borrow their car. their car doesn't play mp3 cds, meaning that the thousands of hours of pirated music i keep in my hoopty are completely worthless.

but their car does have a tape player, unlike mine, so i get to bust out my moon glyph collection for the first time in a while.

Ugh. Got a last minute notice of a house showing at 4:30pm today. Got home at 5pm and figured it was done. Was just napping, post-beach, when I heard voices in the house. I was only wearing a beach cover up. They were well over an hour late. Instead of dashing out the door we opted to stay while they looked around. At least this couple looked cooler than the last buyers we bumped into.

I don't get how people think that's ok.

Copious sweating rinsed a bunch on Stridex into my mouth.

Emily
8/05/11 7:01 PM
I don't get how people think that's ok.

Seriously! To top it off they just left this comment in the Edina Realty system:

"Thank you for letting us see the home as we were running a couple minutes late. Nice home with great character & spaces. Buyers decided on a different area."

An hour and fifteen minutes late is not "a couple" of minutes people.

my legs hurt from getting a lot of... action. and by "action" I ain't talking about running from the cops or anything like that, if you catch my drift. TMI, tevs.

actually this is more of a sexy problem but I wasn't sure if there was a thread for that.

HAAHA emily's ring story wns

In my day we went blind.

i cant tell if i'm revolted or kinda aroused by both nom's and danj's posts.

HALP

i'm glad you finally found a boyfriend that enjoys being kicked, nom.

my pelvis hurts

I'm tired but if I nap now I won't be able to sleep later tonight

haha oh you spent all night kicking people!

I think it's considered to be "nice" outside. I feel I'm supposed to be enjoying this "nice" and seizing the day and living in the moment and other such shit. I have tried, but it ain't happening. I've got an ennui. Slowdive all day. Please, someone quote some Smiths for me. Thx.

haha ok tevs but for real zsa zsa, I have a legit sleep problem :( like, several weeks of not being able to sleep at a proper hour. It's driving me mad. Sleeping pills don't help.

PS you don't get to make fun of me anymore because I'm an adult (25)! my, how time flies....

I was fed too much free food for the wedding celebration events while in Austin, so I was too full to try any of the street food or stop for cheesecake flan more than once.

:(

I've lived on a couch for almost a year, only survive thanks to food stamps and the charity of others, and just had to spend some time in the hospital on government healthcare. is that first-world enough?

yes. but not complainy enough.

the couch is way too small and hurts my back. better?

Better.

you still have mysterious time/money to go to bars and post on the internet and care about girls. so that is first world enough

I realized too late that I'm planning my son's bday party for the 10th anniversary of 9/11. Oops.

So much for NVR4getting.

Being Carl Gerbschmidt has not gotten me the mountains of pussy I expected.

also a certain board member's MILESTONE bday and knuckles and airloom's first wedding anniversary! i never thought you guys would make it this long! any of you! jk. hearts.

HUMPY ANNIVERSARY, REDS!

groovylucifer
8/08/11 1:30 PM
Being Carl Gerbschmidt has not gotten me the mountains of pussy I expected.

If you had gotten this mountain of pussy, would you summit it wearing crampons?

I'm facing my first Facebook friend not-approval.

Ok, speaking of this, who is J3$$3 Wh1t3 ? Is that a board person who's IRL name I don't know? Cause we have a lot of mutual friends but I have no clue who they are! I feel like a dick leaving the request hanging. Out thyself!

There's a video on the front page of Pitchfork today getting pelted with shoes. This is likely re most famous I'll ever be. And people who I don't want to talk to keep texting me about it.

WHAAAT!! HAHAHAHA.

The best part is that burgerdog comes in at 1:38. TRV MI5FIT5

IF A SHOE HITS THE GROUND PICK IT UP

How stoned is that dude. What the fuck is he wearing??!?

Don't mock his culture, gertrude! What's next, making fun of yamakas and saris?

Do you mean yarmulke?

Those I'll leave alone. No exceptions for this shit though

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Hey, burgerdog, I saw you get pelted by shoes in a video for a band.

Northwest Graphic Supply doesn't carry Sakura Pigmas. NO STAEDTLER PENS ARE NOT THE SAME, LADY.


Weirdly, I'm not snobbish enough to spring for a Rapidograph. I just like certain things. And Staedtler pens are not those things.

Ohhh I love Rapidographs but don't trust myself with them.

I miss having an expense account at Wet Paint.

My Main Man
8/08/11 4:25 PM

Don't mock his culture, gertrude! What's next, making fun of yamakas and saris?
8/08/11 4:26 PM

That's what everyone from Connecticut dresses like.

---HAHAHAHA!

hahahaha whoa birgerdog!

One of the IT guys was working on my computer and now my chair is warm - like, REALLY warm. Gross.

Some dudes pay good money for that.

We used a brand new, sorta hard, not yet broken in ball at the kickball game yesterday and today I have limp wrist in my right wrist and a sore shin.

the dipshits at Ikea only gave me 2 of the 3 boxes i need for my new bed frame.
now i have to drive back there.
way to fail at the simplest aspect of your job, dudes.

Fuck man, going to Ikea is like being waterboarded.

Isn't IKEA all self serve?

Aren't they failing at the simplest aspect of your job?

the bed frame is a new item, therefore it was not yet assigned a shelf.
i had to give a printout to the warehouse dude, who was then supposed to get all the pieces for me.
in short, you don't know jack.

JK, dogg. Don't get your ůndstës on a bündsch.

danjohnson apologizes for condescension: the thread

flurm

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boss laid out his rest of the year plan, which includes 4 major projects, a day before I'm giving him my 2wks notice to start my new awesome job.

I ran over a huge nail with my back tire while biking home yesterday. No big thing, I tell myself.
No spare tube. No big thing, I tell myself.
Walk bike to the Hub early this morning, thinking I will change it on the sidewalk and ride the rest of the way to work.
Not open for another hour, sez Hub door.
I walk the bike the rest of the way to the West Bank.
Get tube at West Bank Hub at the end of morning job, change it out.
Tire is full. I start to ride to afternoon job, initially feeling glad to be on my way again.
Immediately deflates feeling of relief and bike-freedom when I hear clunky noises inside the rear hub as it rotates.
Not good times.

:(

Well congrats on leaving at least Timesquad! Sounds like that was a bummer work environment! I know the feeling, trying to decide when to quit my job that I don't really like but I have been treated very well at.

What I came here for though: planning a huge show, been waiting to announce for over a month now, it's so close, but there's still some hang ups. Actually some info got posted today that is incorrect so now I'm dealing with the venue trying to get that changed before we can actually promote it. Ehhhhhh

I want to listen to this CD I just bought but I took the car that only has a tape deck.

yesterday when i was putzing around in the garage, i tried to play my burned cd-r of Deep Wound jams, only to find the crappy stereo i have out there is too old to play cd-rs.

Stayed out late-ish the last three nights, having fun, but not getting enough sleep. Saturdays are my day to really sleep in and laze around while my son watches cartoons. But some jackass scheduled a 9:30am showing of our house today. Had to roll out of bed, throw some clothes on and amble down to the local coffee house with my kid. Back now and grumpy.

the hummus i made is too spicy

I'm having a great Banh Mi in the Tenderloin in SF, but I'm not able to fully enjoy because a voice in my mind keeps saying "But what if it isn't the BEST Banh Mi? You've wasted your trip!!!!"

A friend gave me a free ticket to MAHA to see GBV, but I won't be able to make it down in time to see J Mascis.

these pretzels are making me thirsty

(both pretzels and my thirst are metaphors, btw)

Band I wanted to see last night switched slots with a later band, so I missed part of their set.

Then, decided to stay to see next band. They took forever to set up and then were not that interesting.

I am sore from being at the waterpark yesterday.

Also, my eyes were still red this morning from the chlorine, and I have a second interview this afternoon. I hope my expired-a-year-ago eye drops still work.

Our house is being shown again at 3pm today. I don't know if it's the potentially interested buyer again, or just another schmuck who will leave comments about it being "rough around the edges" and whatnot. Need to get out of my working-from-home PJs in an hour or so but instead of going into my office we're going to the beach. So I suppose that's all right.

I'm watching House Hunters. The family looking is moving from a 7500 sq ft home to a 4500 sq ft home because the husband lost his 'banking' job, as he called it. They are in tears looking at these beautiful, sprawling ranches. The wife just lost her mind because the master suite didn't have two seperate, secluded toilets.

I am going to punch faces. YOUR BUDGET IS 400k. AND HOW CAN YOU KNOW YOU'RE TRULY MARRIED UNLESS YOUR OLD LADY COMES IN AND TAKES A SHIT WHILE YOU'RE BRUSHING YOUR TEETH? I'm going to knock the pouts off their rotten children, too.

This makes me want to raise a family in a pioneer village. Have children no longer the fear of God!?

Cop, there could seriously be a thread called "Things on HGTV that Make Me Want to Punch the World in its Fucking Face". I have seen more whining on that network than anywhere else, and have probably yelled at the TV more at the people on their shows than even Say Yes to the Dress.

I'm getting too goddamned sweaty on the treadmill desk this morning and I have to twist my headphones a certain way or the left side cuts out.

Also? The people who looked at my house on Monday really liked the house, but didn't care for my block. Don't blame 'em. I don't like the block either.

My phone doesn't allow me to easily text capital letters, thus making it difficult to express my nuanced, sardonic, and razor-sharp verbiage.

My son is away on vacation and texted freaking AIRLOOM before he texted me today!

Also? Grandma got him a putter and built some sort of golf course in the backyard. I'm missing out.

maybe he thinks airloom is his mom now

Must have been all the breastfeeding.

Time to wean him off back on.

Well, my son was briefly a ginger but it had NOTHING to do with airloom
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Looks more like airloom than you in that pic.

Hmmmmmmmmmm!

facial expression looks like airloom

Must have been all the breastfeeding.

Haha! I'm way too lazy to post that string in the post string of the day thread, but good work nonetheless!

If airloom is my son's mom then maybe Bjork is really his Dad
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i don't get it

Bjork's fake ginger hair shroud.

Never mind. I am SO tired.

drink a mountain dew, get pumped.

We have a fridge full of that crap, and energy drinks, and cold press. But the thought of consuming any of it makes me feel ill.

i bet you've never even tried them

The glue trap put down in my apartment to catch ants, instead caught a bat last night.

:(

danjohnsonbot, what is the saddest thing?

i fuckin love bats. :(

I had no idea there were bats here. It's a basement apartment. Must be living in the chimney.

The chicken sate at the Minneapolis Golf Club is not nearly as good as the chicken sate on Malaysian Airlines.

Someone in Japan wanted to buy a record from me for $35 and I accidentally sold it for $1 to someone else last week.

at least u have your health

The Battle of Britain-themed flight simulator I'm currently fooling with always defaults to the previous type of bombing method chosen when planning raids, so I have to tediously instruct my little virtual Luftwaffe not to level-bomb radar stations on the coast in He-111s or dive-bomb factories in the Midlands with Stukas. It's a fucking pain the in the ass.

I can't read things people post on the internet anymore if I know what their voices sound like because it's like having them talk in my head right now.

I don't know if that police siren is in the music or outside

Is your concern that you can't tell if your criminal enterprise is in jeopardy, or that you can't tell if your music has enough sirens?

I napped too late and am now unmotivated to go to Perish.

And I have Brilly's voice in my head, saying thangs, but can't think of what my own voice sounds like.

Both.

The bridge I need to take to get on the right side of 169 was taken down almost a month ago. To get around it I take 169 south to 62 and go around the clover leafs to get back on 169 north, the direction I want to be taking. On Wednesday they are closing the on ramp to 169 south for 2 weeks, meaning my detour is now about 3 times as long. Ehhhhhhhh

Where's there a bridge down on 169. I gots to take it outta town tomorrow (to the N).

It's a bridge across 169 at Bren, just north of 62.

Bren Road. If you are already on 169, you won't have any problem though, it's only fucked if you are trying to get on 169 from there.

zsa zsa isn't on IM right now an I have a really good joke to tell her.

I AM NOW

You work at UHG danj, right? This is such a clusterfuck out here.

With any luck, I'll be working from home starting next quarter.

what's the joke?

i went to the dentist yesterday and they gave me some sample colgate total floss but the kind of floss i use is that glide floss.

No one wants to go see the Fright Night remake with me. And David Tennant is in it!

I'm trying to remember the hilarious bathroom graffiti someone told me yesterday they read at Coney Island. I could text them and ask, but I'm in a truck stop bathroom now and won't care in five minutes when he would get back to me.

My silk shirt keeps sticking to the wooden chair when I lean forward.

J Low
8/18/11 8:13 PM
The chicken sate at the Minneapolis Golf Club is not nearly as good as the chicken sate on Malaysian Airlines.

Having eaten there regularly for the last 26 years I must say the quality declined steeply sometime around 1999. A true shame.

The vending machine closest to me is the one with the least appealing snacks.

I like how there's a number of our products in there for prices considerably worse than at the Company Store down the hall.

I tried to buy a $10 Lynx ticket online today and got overwhelmed with fees. When the first $4.50 "convenience charge" was added, I wasn't surprised, accepted it, and continued with my purchase. But when Ticketmonster threw an additional $6.50 "processing fee" on top of this, I wasn't about to double my ticket price just to buy them online. This was without paying the $2.50 to use my own printer ink to print my ticket out at home. Who pays these fees without batting an eyelash?

I was planning on picking my ticket up at will call anyway, so I'll just buy my stupid ticket there.

haha oh what if it's sold out hahaha

and people say I make insensitive jokes. HARUMPH

You two.

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you people have no idea how difficult it is to try and date someone 14 years younger than you. SHE STAYS UP WAY PAST MY BEDTIME. HOW DOES HEF DO IT?

AND how am I supposed to take a nap when there is a handyman here putting in a new hardwood floor?

My world is ending.

Hahahaha

the designer makeup i ordered on friday came in, but when i opened the package one of the eyeshadows had gotten crushed in transit and spilled out all over my brand new jeans.

that's the spirit.

My band has three shows on the front page of this board and we are not playing any of them.

(but you should come anyway)

wait whaaaaaaaat?

It's just me and Dan going to do some business, our drummer was unable to make it out tonight.
Should still be fun. But it's not Blood Folke.

just blood or just folke

does ur drummer mean a lot to u

drummers just do all the chicks and coke anyway.

<img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_BAX9sVAcV2M/SkyZZJg8CzI/AAAAAAAAADo/QWhBkcY2XEI/s320/nyer.gif"</a>

Another side splitter from the New Yorker

All teh chicks and coke are mine!

this show I'm working on is/has been a lot of work. Payoff soon at least. barely soon enough

my weird neighbor was underwater on his mortgage and ditched his house.
i gotta mow his stupid backyard now so it doesn't become a breeding ground for bugs and a place for animals to hide. hide and scare me.

why you gotta be afraid of bunnies man?

i are skarred

i lost my paycheck.

i was playing scrabble on my iphone and the game got messed up so i couldn't lay down my bingo and it changed all the i's to blanks and then because it kept crashing and i couldn't take my turn the other player forced a forfeit.

my mom called me to tell me she is bored and she is waiting for the train to go past. she is trying to explain to me that you can sell vintage things on the internet. i am having a hard time being nice and playing along. really hard.

You should tell her that she is "pretty vintage" and there are "sites to sell that, too."

Ha!

I really want to go home right now but there is another showing of my house at 6pm so I've been killing time by drinking at work.

I've been looking forward all summer to walking over to the park that's 1/2 block from my house to watch E.T. tonight, but I woke up all stuffy this morning and just want to curl up and sleep.

I'm gonna have to stop drinking all this beer and eating all this pizza if I expect to fit into khakis after Labor Day, when my boss says we have to quit wearing jeans and start wearing business casual.

haha

damn dude, that's a 3fer.

I'm in the same boat, iggy. Added problem: I look uggo in all my clothes, yet remain both too frugal and to optimistic that I'll l

I hate to be the bearer of first world bad news, but Tom Scharpling has recently started a sports writing collective called The Classical.

He's just paying homage, right?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news to the bearer of bad news, but you are not the bearer of bad news. He found out in the KFAN thread.

I decided to work from home today, because I felt like it. One of my cats is draped over my ankles, purring, and his weight is cutting off the circulation to my feet.

My hip really hurts from falling on it when I fainted yesterday. Fainting is THE WORST.

did you catch the vapors?

She just saw some dreamy boys.

I think her 'job' is giving blood.

Haha wow, those were all top notch.

So when I do a remote desktop connection to my PC at work I can only view what is on one monitor at a time, even though I have two monitors at home. Blaaarrggghhh!

These fucking acorns are testing my patience.

I talked briefly with a little Bhutanese girl today about acorns. She was cute.

^ not a complaint

Is she sick of them constantly falling. . .falling. . .falling too?
Constantly. PING! PLUNK! DING! Like Chinese water torture.
It's been going on for a few weeks now. I just swept up huge piles, but there are so many more.
What have we done to anger the trees so?

The tree really liked you. The acorns are the semen of the tree world.

hahaha, yeah, make a porno!

i want you to know if i ever call you "the tree whisperer" it isn't a joke about your height

Those are some goddamned virile trees. How many acorns to they need to drop, just to see their line live on?

Well it's true.

Some things aren't about their pragmatic ends, Orbit, but just about the pleasure of release, you know?

I think it's so loud because the barrage is landing mainly on the two cars parked back there.

... and because of what you were wearing, you tart.

the damn walnut tree in my front yard keeps dropping entire healthy branches. it's ridiculous. it was just extensively trimmed this year.

Yeah that always happens. You can always climb up there and shake them off. Or "jerk them off" I guess.

They're competing to see who can land one in each of the two lady residents' cleavage.



Or airloom's butt crack.

jerk them off, then bend over and let the trees spank you a couple times.

Orbit, I bought a big pushbroom, it's in the garage. I hope you're using that because it makes me sad to think of you trying to sweep all of them into the street with that stubby little broom.

And I'm wearing turtlenecks until this is all over.

I found it. And I just pushed the piles up by the patio area for now. No sense in picking them up until the hailstorm is all over.

Acorns are the one down side to having huge beautiful shady oak trees.

There was already a big push broom in the garage. Sorry.

Now we have 2! Sweeping is more fun with a friend!

I feel a musical coming on.

Foursquare doesn't understand how the Fair works and kept giving me 0 points for checking in at places because I was "checking in too fast."

I can't help it that the booths are three feet apart, you assholes.

Why should something called foursquare grasp the concept of closely arranged box-shaped spaces.

don't get me started on foursquare.
I'M THE MAYOR OF A BARBERSHOP!

man I lost my mayorship of a bar because I broke my phone and haven't got a new one yet. :(

Also, dear Foursquare, why are you telling me I'm .4 miles from my house? I AM SITTING IN MY MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMNED HOUSE.

is yr house half a mile long? that could be one reason.
or hurricane irene has already pushed the earth off it's axis.
either one.

typical GV sprawling ranch home

I'm wearing turtlenecks until this is all over

Airllom is gonna need a butt turltneck.

Mrs. Low and I each keep to our own wing of the mansion.

Would that not be a turtlebutt?

i lost my 1y :(

your a turtlebutt

I am reading this book about the disappearance of Iowa anchorwoman Jodi Huisentruit, but I am stalling out about halfway through because I know there is no resolution to the story and I am not eager to get to the disappointing ending.

After a week my pedicure has held up nicely but I have totally trashed my manicure.

you'll just have to get another/

#sexyproblems

I have so many sexy problems right now, you don't even know.

i ingested way too much caffeine and now i'm kinda freaking out a bit.
ugh.

Fuck n a I hate that feeling. Drink some water. Eat some food. You'll get through.

I'm out of Best Show and Best Show Gems podcasts and nothing compares to them.

I'm lying on the couch nursing a possibly broken toe. Mrs Low tossed me a hard candy and it pegged me right in the sac. And then my cat tried to steal it.

The candy, not my sac.

If you get pegged in the sac, someone's aim is off.

Just read a bit of spoiler after following the wikipedia trail of a few Game of Thrones related pages. I knew better than to do that. Luckily it's not that important in the grand scheme of things.

Or is it?

HA

Oops, that was to Savage Clone, not kobbybahn.

Failed joke.

I was about to post a complaint that I wasn't sure if Slee ZZ was talking to me or SC.

Glad it was cleared up before I had to make another post.

Whoops.

Hahaha!

i was going to make some mayo for tarragon/apple/chicken salad tonight, but all of my eggs are too cold

Mayo is now a baby substitute?

I thought Slee ZZ's post worked pretty well either way.

i smoked some pot and watched some Dexter and now i feel better.

I can't focus on, well, anything. Because my son is in the air en route from NC to Georgia. I'll probably calm down a little after his layover when he's on his way to MSP.

smoke pot and watch Dexter, sharyn.
you'll feel better.
pitpat-tested, mankind-approved.

Ha!

Today was going to be day one of my post-Fair, nothing but vegetables regimen but the chef from Brasa/Alma is cooking in the cafeteria.

and it was good.

</lipsmack>

i just realized i have a hole in my shirt.
i got it from a piece of sizzling deesh that fell out of my oney.
i have ruined a couple shirts this way.
be safe, people. you only have this one life.

I took my folks to Mort's on Monday and my dad and I got identical sandwiches. I was stoked to have my leftovers tonight only to discover that my dad had eaten mine and left his, with bite marks and mustard a-plenty, in its place.

UGH that's the worst, J Low- when someone eats you've been looking forward to eating:

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hahaha Ramona Lisa is good at GIFs.

Pitpat, that happened to me too, several times. On a few shirts i'll never be able to replace, too. And the hole only gets bigger. I did this to my couch one time too.

The piece of art I liked the most at the Fine Arts Building at the Fair was not for sale.

-No one made coffee
-My neck has hurt for like a week
-I've had this cough for like 2 weeks

Sounds like tuberculosis. Not really first world. You've ruined this thread.

I think you're right

adam
9/01/11 8:34 AM -No one made coffee

This is first symptom of TB

I'm working from home again this morning and have no one else to make coffee for me.

And I just woke up to discover this weirdo flickr user had added me as a "friend" - and I don't even have hairy arms! I blocked him with the quickness.

My client was just the subject of a local tv news investigation.

My new dryer is too quiet so I can't tell if the load is done or not from listening at the top of the steps.

That's what children are for.

nosy fucking coworker hanging out by my desk while I'm trying to photoshop a crave case into reggie fils amie's hands. WTF

I ordered a $30 adapter from Mac. Today I tracked the shipment:

08/26/2011 14:15:00 SHIPMENT PICKED UP HONG KONG
08/26/2011 09:39:15 IN TRANSIT Shenzen, HK
08/27/2011 14:46:00 IN TRANSIT LOS ANGELES
08/27/2011 19:17:00 IN TRANSIT LOS ANGELES
08/28/2011 03:12:00 IN TRANSIT HONG KONG
08/30/2011 17:40:00 IN TRANSIT LOS ANGELES
08/31/2011 22:10:00 IN TRANSIT Carson, CA
09/02/2011 02:35:00 IN TRANSIT Auburn, WA

So it looks like it went to LA and the back to Hong Kong, and the back to LA. Not a problem for me really but it seems like a lot of work for one tiny little part. Would it make more sense to just have a bunch of these in a warehouse in the US or something?

Found the apartment I desperately want to rent but the lady is out of town and I don't know if it's still available or not.

I lost two of my three mayorships on Foursquare this week.

Not sure how much of a first world problem this is...but. I just looked at that condo. It is PERFECT. But I can tell the owner doesn't want to rent to someone with a kid. And she's got plenty of childless people looking at the place over the weekend.

but it's an old kid

I know! I tried to stress that point. But she was talking about "damage control" and mentioned something about the by-laws for her condo association. She's a lawyer and just making shit up.

Sigh.

she probably just hates short people. or she doesn't trust you because your a 22 yr old mom of an old kid. you have got to start letting the gray grow out or nobody will ever respect you.

Hahaha! Kinda true. At the school open house yesterday the kid's new teacher asked who I was and was shocked when I said HIS MOM. And then I explained I was nearly 40.

This lady today was actually my height. She liked me well enough while I explained I was selling my house after 12 years and looking forward to renting. But as soon as I mentioned having a kid she looked at me like I was a leper.

you don't have to mention having a kid. they can't not rent to you for your kid status.

I wish I hadn't mentioned it but I did. Toothpaste is out of the tube and all that. But my credit isn't in the best shape either. So much going for me!

i see. so you were trying to use the kid for sympathy and it backfired. you should have told her he was an orphan before you took him in.

or like ur both orphans starting fresh

feral orphan

rawwwwrrrr!

i'd almost think having a child would signal that someone will be responsible and invested in maintaining the space as quiet and party-free; especially after meeting a parent that at least seems to have it together (and you totally do have it together), has a career, etc.

Exactly!

racist against orphans?

Oh yeah, I forgot about the long lost race of orphans!

The guy at the publishing company that is thinking of publishing the book I wrote with a friend is painfully awkward and we have a meeting with him next week

I can't help my orphan intolerance. So sue me. To hell with the parentally challenged.

i have a drug i can give you for that

Sharyn, she can't not rent to you because you have a kid. That's illegal. Lawyer or not... The law allows owners who LIVE IN a building with 4 or fewer units to make rules and there's an out for 55+ exclusive communities. But if she doesn't live IN the apartment she cannot discriminate. Of course, sounds like a shitty person to deal with as a landlord.

Exactly! And I'm sure she wouldn't spin it that way. She'd likely claim she's taking a single childless person who happened to apply first. As much as I love the condo I don't want to deal with a smarmy lawyer landlord.

Ms. Mosque and I went to Filmzilla last night to rent Princess Mononoke, only to find it being blankly considered by a local halfwit, who turned to us and said "this guy done some other movie too, din't he? Like, Ghost or something?" We told him it was called Spirited Away. He went to the counter to ask for it but it was rented. When he came back and saw us with the Princess Mononoke box, he just sort of reached out for it, as if we had fetched it for him. He did not say thanks when I handed him the case.

As we walked out, Ms. Mosque remarked that it would have been far better to have arrived five minutes later to find the film checked out, than to have to confront such a creature in person and be defeated.

Preparing for our trip to SanFran, the centerpiece of which is seeing The Stooges at the Warfield Theater, when my friend informs me that Iggy fractured his foot and the tour is postponed.
Or should I say postPWND?
Best of all, I was listening to the 'Live at Richard's' disc when I got the news.

this coffee tastes like it has been out all weekend. still tuberculosis?

SARS

princess mononoke isnt that good anyways

I was playing Robo Defense on my phone will taking a dump this morning. At a certain point my phone froze up, but the game didn't, if that makes any sense. Nothing happened when I touched the screen, or any buttons. The game goes for 100 rounds, I was at 82 and was going to win the level for sure, but then the freeze happened and I sat and watched helplessly as a bunch of enemies came in undefended. Then right after I lost the buttons started working again.

Fuck that. My life = over.

I am having trouble deciding what to do first, so I'm still in bed.

im so good at risk that no one wants to play me anymore.

I'm not positive I know what patchouli oil smells like, but it seems I have received some currency that has been dipped in it or something else that smells like a hippie emporioum/head shop. I can't figure out which bill it is, and now my wallet smells like hippies.

i got an open container ticket in brooklyn and I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO FUCKING PAY IT

I never paid mine.

I wasted my last real day of freedom before I start school yesterday by being stupid hungover/ sleeeeeep deprived. I don't actually start until tomorrow but I am working all day.

I just checked in with our accountant at work to confirm what my salary is (need the info for apartment applications). Turns out my gross salary is quite a bit more than I realized. But with all the deductions for health care and taxes and whatnot it doesn't seem like quite so much. Hopefully the gross amount will be enough to make any potential landlords happy.

Don't get all tea-party on us, Sharyn. All them damn deductions....

GUBMINT TAKIN MAH MONEY

even though i make $4 less an hour at my part time job, my hourly rate turns out to be the same after taxes and insurance and stuff. so i know if im self employed i just need to charge what i want to get paid plus 30%.

seamonster
9/07/11 9:46 AM
Don't get all tea-party on us, Sharyn. All them damn deductions....

Not at all! It's more like "hey, I'm paying a $200/month premium for crappy health insurance with a $3000 deductible. BRING ON UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE PLEASE!"

HA! Just teasing ya. I knew what you meant.

I fell in love with a duplex yesterday. Like, I could easily have signed a multiple year lease for the place and I would have been SO HAPPY. But I had to deal with an awful woman who clearly wanted someone else to rent it. Her final word on the matter?

"Sorry it spears it is going to send to be rented to another party pet the owner."

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

I haven't been apartment hunting since the pre-internet era. Back then we had to use the telephone so it wasn't quite so obvious how badly some people communicate via the written word.

damn you, auto correct

Did you pet the owner?

Hell, I'd happily pet the owner to get this apartment!

was drunk kodakya circa 2006 the woman who showed you the apartment?

"Sorry it spears it is going to send to be rented to another party pet the owner."

That. Is. Amazing.

"Sorry it spears it is going to send to be rented to another party pet the owner."

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I am SO SICK missing Dateline/whatever because I grew up on the East Coast, and when they say something will be on at 10 o'clock, I TUNE IN AT 10 O'CLOCK. Fuck this stupid 9pm CENTRAL bullshit. Fuck.

You have lived here for kind of a while now...

I hope I never see Dateline again. Apparently I should reset my clocks.

I never really watch television, but am often falling asleep on the couch while one is on. Once in a while I'll catch the end of some program when they say "tune in tomorrow for something totally up your alley..." and when I actually try to do it, I flub.

I lived in California and the east coast for four years and never got used to 8-11 prime time.

But how is OPRAH always on at four no matter where you are??!?

OPRAH is eternal. Unchangeable. All-knowing, yet unknowable.

I hope that spelling OPRAH in reverential all-caps catches on as standard usage.

Dudes, 0pr@h totally lurks here. Y'all gonna get busted.

MY LIFE IS SO WEIRD! Ok, gibberish cockblocking apartment lady? Well, turns out her upstairs neighbors just posted a listing for their place last night. And I'm looking at it tomorrow. But instead of being stoked for a second shot at this awesome building I'm paranoid that there's something wrong with it that has the residents fleeing.

yeah like the nonsensical landlord, for instance?!?!

Actually that nonsensical woman wasn't the landlord, thankfully. She was the tenant moving out of the unit. I'm not sure why this landlord is having his current tenants screen potential ones (laziness?) but I'm hoping the upstairs neighbors are easier to deal with. And a mean-spirited little part of me would feel some bit of satisfaction at stomping above the people who scored the lower level duplex, the unit I really really wanted.

Wouldn't you have to deal with the same lady again if it's in the same building?

NO. The crazy gibberish lady is MOVING OUT.

Oh, why are you dealing with the tenants and not the landlord then? Don't they handle that stuff?

I love almost everything about fall, but I still am filled with existential dread/depression about school starting again. Even though I haven't really been in school for 10 years or so.

adam, I was just complaining in this thread that it's bizarre how the tenants are screening applicants and not the landlord. The CL ads don't mention the landlord at all.

That doesn't seem right. I've never heard of that before. It's not the moving tenants problem who lives there next.

maybe the landlord lives out of town. my friends landlord llived in california and had them do that when they were moving out. they moved out early because the landlord NEVER FIXED ANYTHING. didn't have a kitchen sink or oven the entire time they lived in the house.

i have to volunteer at arc for work today wtf. this will insure that i actually work a full eight hours today. which is bullshit.

adam/remodeling, allegedly this property is owned personally by a guy who also owns a large local property (like office buildings, it sounds like) management company. Batshit lower level lady made it sound like she was doing it as a favor to her ever-so nice and attentive landlord. Upstairs tenant didn't mention it but I will ask her when I see her tomorrow.

Even though I haven't rented in a long while I thought it sounded a little sketchy too.

I love almost everything about fall, but I still am filled with existential dread/depression about school starting again. Even though I haven't really been in school for 10 years or so.

Hah I totally had this feeling on Tuesday. It probably doesn't help that I drive by MCTC on my way to work every morning. I've only been out 4 years.

Same complaint as Christmas, now it's my birthday. People ask me what I want and I don't want anything. Or can't think of anything.

what do you get a man who wants nothing? $8 frozen pizza

My car-less, license-less Indian boss demanding to borrow my car to go eat at the Chinese buffet despite my adamant protests that I am uncomfortable with such a situation. All the more reason to start riding my bike to work, i guess.

If you can drive in Mumbai, you can drive anywhere in the world. Stop being such a square.

He's Punjabi. They drive donkeys, I think.

When I tell someone at work that due to the current laws of physics that some insane thing they have requested from is impossible my phone rings off the hook, people go over my head, managers come to my office and wonder if I even know what I am doing, etc, etc

When I pull off an actual water-in-to-wine level miracle I get an email that says "thanks"

"what do you get a man who wants nothing? $8 frozen pizza "

WTF that is EXACTLY what I got doug for his bday. I don't think he said thanks.

maybe he felt ashamed because you know him better than he knows you.

I was thinking that.

i bit my tongue and it FREEALLY FUCKING HURTS

well quit biting it

its too late the damage is done. ahhh it's right on the side and keeps brusing up against my teeth

Stop having teeth.

Speaking of teeth...I was eating an allegedly healthy salad for lunch today when I somehow bit the fork hard and chipped a tooth! Fuuuuuck. Should have signed up for dental insurance when they re-offered it at work.

i hate it when i can't remember someone's name and i can't use facebook to figure it out because i don't know if we have any mutual friends. UGH. i guess i am just going to keep being all "hey how are you?"

everyone should have to wear nametags in public.

Agreed.

or call them another name that you think it is and then when theyre like "what that's not my name?!!" be like "hahah i know it was a joke"

no way. they'd be able to tell. number one, because it's not funny.

most jokes arent

poopface mcjiggerbones

just tryin to help, linglow

zsa zsa you just know too many people. From now on you should make a point of remembering only the names of the talls you encounter.

some guy in a nearby unit has been calling me billy since they moved in. I haven't corrected him and I don't plan to. Everyone else calls me Kobby. Why can't 1 guy call me Billy, ya know?

Shouldn't he be calling you Killy?

NO REAL NAMES

i just found out last night that these this girl i just met is actually two girls

that sounds awesome

There are very few situations where that's true.

???

That two girls, when one is expected, is awesome.

I feel like thats too logical of an approach to this conundrum. 1 girl is 2 girls

there are two times when i met two different guys that i thought were the same guy.

well two guys on two different occaisions. i thought tory and luke from mutagen were the same person for a REALLY REALLY long time. everytime i'd see one i'd say "oh cool you dyed your hair again!"

I finally ripped open one of my cleats, so I went to Soccer Express to get new ones. I generally wear a 10.5 or 11, but even the 11.5s I tried are a little tight. I had to get them anyhow because they're out of stock on everything else up to a 13 and I have a game on Sunday.

But anyhow, they're made of kangaroo leather and that makes me a little sad.

hahahaha you win, J Low

Good god.

my grandfather used to be a buyer for a shoe company and was given a kangaroo pelt from some company. it has been on his wall for as long as i remember.

I did eat a kangaroo steak once. It was pretty good.

The nice weather is making my hands sweat, which makes it nearly impossible to operate my iPad.

That is tough, I feel you, girl

haha, nice, randi!

i finally have enough money to go grocery shopping but i don't feel like it

The flourescent light above my desk is inexplicably brighter than usual today.

I just dropped my kid off at daycare but forgot to bring his food. Now I have to go all the way back there because I want him eating the organic veggie purée I made from our CSA share rather than the free food they provide. Parenting is sooooooo inconvenient.

Also, his daycare is across the street from our house.

Lil' burgerdog should be remembering his own damn food.

And Roar, it's probably a brain tumor.

Ooh, should've posted in "ask a big city doctor" instead.

IT IS NOT A TUMOR.

I've been waiting for over 20 minutes for my doc appointment. For an outpatient procedure I just want to get over with. So I can go home, crawl into bed and watch the True Blood finale.

My feet dangle instead of reaching the floor

That sounds like a Not-Tall Problem.

I somehow lost the clorazepam I was prescribed for flying. We still have to fly home.
Oh fuck nonononononononononononopleaseno.

if only you could find some kind of illicit depressant in San Francisco....

Working on it.

Or you could just stop being such a baby, you baby.

benadryl.

Bring some kittens along to calm you.

kittens love benadryl

I nuked the shit out of my lunch but it's still cold in the middle and I don't feel like getting up and walking back to the microwave so I'm eating it cold. And it's got sweet potatoes in it.

I woke up too late to get my Netflix DVD out into the mail pickup this morning, and I don't really feel like getting dressed to walk the two blocks to the post office before 5pm, so I'll have to send it back tomorrow. I can't wait to not have to deal with Netflix DVDs anymore, but I refuse to change my plan until the day before my billing date because I want to get my money's worth.

My hippie heating pad thing is slightly too hot right now. But soon it will cool down and not be hot enough.

man, i can't remember what using a microwave is all about. I kinda forgot about them.

I recently switched back to the DVD plan since I couldn't find anything to watch on the streaming version.

Between Ally McBeal and Say Yes to the Dress, I'm pretty set with streaming Netflix for now.

I just wish Friends and Beverly Hills, 90210 were streaming because I want to re-watch each series and I don't have time to fit them in before the price goes up.

my brand new video game glitched after 12-13 hours of gameplay locking me in a room that i cant get out of so i keep killing everyone that comes in and everyone in the game is mad at me.

Half the time when I try to login to my online banking account I type wellsfaygo.com instead of wellsfargo.com

Brian Posehn could have used that joke a few weeks ago.

That is some synergy waiting to happen.

holy shit, say yes to the dress is on instant view?

maybe i'll sign up again

I'm still haunted by the half of an episode of Nanny 911 I watched the other night. This has been the most stressful thing to happen to me all week.

I don't feel like doing anything right now :/

burgerdog, that was what my life was like for nearly six years. Four little boys with behavioral issues...jesus. I was a braver man in those days.

the new refurb tv we bought had the same problem as the old broken tv so we took it back and got a new one and longer warranty, but gas is still like 4 bucks a gallon so fucking whatever.

i cant play the game on my phone cause its a fucking touch screen and i need number keys

The neighbors who sued me over the tree branches are in their driveway repairing old beater cars while blasting bad Mexican love songs and singing along. 12+ years of their bullshit. I am so excited to move away.

I'm not as impressed with the quality of coffee from this Italian stovetop thing as I'd hoped to be.

Dude - AeroPress. AeroPress

People keep waiting until I have like 400 points and one tile left before they forfeit their scrabble game! Ughhhhh. I had sooo many points! And I didn't even get the satisfaction of crushing my opponent.

i left my printer on the super high quality setting and now it's taking forever to print off this article

i am really complaining a lot lately. it's annoying me.

i put my contacts in this morning and one of them was messed up and i forgot to change it. so now im just driving as fast as i can, late for appointments, all around the city, texting and covering one eye.

dont drive while you're intexticated

i can't read that i;'m drivingf

no dont!

I was about to make something to contribute to the "Decent Pictures of You That You're About To Eat" thread when I realized I had to go to a staff meeting, with FREE LUNCH. Sheesh.

I was just offered free tickets to the Twins game on Saturday, but I had to decline as I'll be working OT this weekend.

I bought some awesome vintage shoes off Etsy with birthday money, and they were more damaged than the description said and kinda overpriced, so I complained to the seller and she gave me a partial refund of $35 to my paypal account this morning. Now I don't know what to spend the money on.

So many good shows coming back on TV. My DVR is gonna be full - I'm gonna have to delete all the delocated season 2 episodes I have saved on there :(

I was approved for a pretty all right apartment, in a nice neighborhood. But the management company of the duplex of my dreams? They are taking FOREVER to process my application that I sent them on Monday. I don't think they've even called to verify my employment yet.

I was really really excited to sleep in super late today but my landlord woke me up at 10am to measure my room for new carpet. It was annoying, but I really need new carpet since the old tenant's cat peed all over the carpet I have now. What was further annoying was when I tried to explain to the landlord that even though I had masked the smelll of urine through hours and hours of cleaning, my cat could still smell the other cat and wanted to pee everywhere - dude didn't understand. "what? your cat can still smell what?" yah dude. animals have beter senses of smells than humans. gah! Now I can't fall back asleep and I'm crabby to the max.

Well that was the worst bowl of black bean soup I've ever had.

Have you had the Progresso Low Sodium kind?

lol

my new job is pretty laaaaaaame.

Have not had the pleasure, no.

This morning I forgot that I made dinner last night and had leftovers and packed a salad for lunch.

I'm trying to decide if I should stay in the yurt I found in Hawaii or just sleep under a kayak on the beach.

^ So ironically first world I think my brain will implode ^

Oh look, proprietors of said yurt are nudists, moving on...

Low-sodium soups are OK if you add a bunch of salt to them.

I spent all of my tips on a recent Saturday night on pull-tabs.

If I stayed in a yurt, I would walk around saying 'yurt! yurt!' the whole time.

You are a yurt.

I am feeling very GRUMBLY today >:(

Orbit=probably bad yurt-mate

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I'm kinda hungry for lunch but late getting over to my sister's house because I slept in too long, but we just recently made up after our biggest fight ever and I'm not sure if we're back on the terms yet of me ransacking her kitchen and eating all of her kid-snack food.

I think Freaky Deeky might have a gig at the minneapolis zombie pub crawl and Andrew WK is playing at the St. Paul zombie pub crawl

What kind of jerk does not turn their phone off during a memorial service?! More accurately, what FOUR jerks?

My fingers are all raw from holding shopping bags.

Just ran out of claritin. I'm going to be a snotty mess today.

I'm trying to update my website and the webhost's server keeps bogging down. I know it's not my internet connection because mrmb and FB are working just fine.

First-world complaint grand champion (not that I don't agree with him)

Haha not surprised to see him wearing a kippah

A rabbi, even. I'm 1,000% certain that the reader comments will be horrifying.

I worked at a restaurant once that had a customer that would come in every day and order the same thing: plain, well-done burger on white toast. He complained about something every day. Either the toast was toasted too much or the burger was too dry or the kitchen looked dirty or whatever. He called the health department a number of times but they never found anything wrong. He still kept coming in every day and complaining.

So one day I mentioned to him that there were other restaurants available and that he should perhaps try one of those. He went off me about how he had been coming into that restaurant for 20 years blah blah blah. I guess he just liked complaining.

hahahaha, that Ginzburg story is hilarious. What a character.

automatic revolving doors

For the 31st consecutive year, the MacArthur Foundation has overlooked my genius.

My DVD is done but there's still a cat on my lap, so I have to check the internet on my phone because the laptop and iPad are not within reach.

the office is cold but at least i can use this space heater until the heat it turned on in the next few weeks.

I'm in seasonal allergy purgatory, on the verge of my annual sinus infection. Head feels like it's stuffed with cotton and the wheezing of my lungs is making my cats twitchy. Sorry my attempts to breathe are interrupting your precious naps, cats!

Cats like "hey, hip cats" or actual cats?

"hey you any of you cats feelin twitchy?"

Ha! My actual cats. Who probably think they are hip.

There is a goose outside my window honking and honking. Doesn't it know that its saturday morning?!?!?

^^^^maybe it wants some french fries or some pop tarts?

I have now screamed at a goose out a window. This is real life.

The dentist made me take out all my earrings for one of those panoramic xrays. I never take them out and it's really hard to re-clasp them.

trying to scrape together money to pay my phone bill but can't because my phone service is shut off.

A woman I barely know - who has lots of photos of herself participating in Hooters bikini contests - just friend requested my 12 year old son on Facebook.

That's not a first world problem. That's a first world perk.

the kid has to learn about Hooters sooner or later

Ha! This is her:
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oh f yeah look at her handle those imaginary trays of chicken wings.

Bwahahaha!

I don't suppose her last name is Letourneau?

Umm, no.

Also? Just found out my son's school has an early release day tomorrow. These days are a pain in the ass.

Today is National Coffee Day(apparently) and so the Caribou closest to my store is out of cold press. I had to get an iced Americano instead.

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When picking up my dog's poop this morning my finger went through a hole in the bag and touched it. Now every time I touch food all I can think about is that there was poop on my hand (no matter how hard I have scrubbed it clean)

I wish I would have just taken the whole week off instead of 3 days since I spent my day off yesterday helping friends move for 7 hours.

my fucking roommates dog, a newfoundland, lays on the floor that i sleep under and GROANS the entire night for food. then the fucking cat meows to go outside, or inside

of course, he cant hear a fucking thing, even when i run upstairs and throw shit around the house and start screaming because i cant sleep

It's so windy today that the wind is pushing on the garage doors outside my office which in turn pushes on the ductwork which makes a terrible loud noise like metal chair legs scraping and squeaking across the cement floor which is what I actually thought it was, for many months.

i'll eat healty when i'm dead. cheese curds pizza now.

Stuff that in a taco shell, batter and fry the whole thing, and then we'll talk.

you got a deal

Ugh. The salad I brought for lunch froze in the refrigerator.
And I just traded in two Es in a game of words with friends to get twoEs in return. Bullshit!

i made my coffee too strong and i'm kinda worming out

god DAMN. roman lisa's gifs. EVERYTIME. a knock out. i just started lol'ing fur reel in front of my class, which is taking an exam

The water from the water fountain at the free gym at work has been tepid this week.

Lately when people see me in the street they ask me to sell out paul_f but I won't do it. I just say "paul_f is everyone."

yr welcome, donnyyy!

No complaints today.

I passed on the $4 3-pack of my deodorant for the bigger deal at Costco only to find once there it was discontinued.

Too many shows happening tonight! I'm at my second and plan to hit a third but I need coffee to keep going. And I'm hoping my son is having a decent time at his Dad's.

Turf Club too don't forget.

Last night, I got tanked up on whiskey and blacked out. I fell (maybe?) and cracked my head and shoulder on something. Worst of all, I passed out mid-conversation with my new guy, who is now wondering what he has gotten himself into. I fail at life.

Maybe don't drink so much? Or put the child lock on your phone so your drunk dialin fingers don't make the call?! Ugh sorry for all that.

I'm so annoyed w the nyt. It used to be that I could read a few articles before i was told I had to pay for further content. Now I get top news teasers followed by the subscription options w price lists. Sheesh, who can afford $34.99/mo for something that used to be free?! Not me, that's for sure.

$34.99 to access online content? That's a lot!

Yes. Only beer for Cop. I just can't handle hard alcohol, I guess.

I bought 5 new pair of underpants and mom always said to wash 'em, but I'm too lazy to do the laundry. Laundry quandary.

Everyone on The Hills is devoid of personality, but I can't seem to stop watching the show.

I felt the same way. But I always wanted to see what Spencer would do next.

I haven't even gotten to where Spencer joins the cast yet! It's good to know the show gets even more addicting. I'd better get a job soon so I have less time to watch it.

I had pizza and red wine and dark chocolate and now I haz heartburn.

give yourself a chest massage

my stupid new bank somehow misread an atm deposit i made of my entire savings. sweeeeet. where did that go?

Oh no. Maybe there's another howiezz at your bank
who thinks he might be a hundredaire now.

i knew i should have never switched to a credit union. now way that guy is gonna be rich. i got cash sistah

PayPal hasn't been sending me the "notification of payment received" email for the last few days.

UPS keeps stopping outside my building midday to deliver shit my neighbor orders off the internet, but I keep hoping they're here to deliver a present for me. I get excited and then very disappointed. It was worse a couple of weeks ago around my birthday when I was actually expecting a couple of online purchases.

That is the worst.

The UPS delivery truck is still parked outside my building and my doorbell has yet to ring.

I bought an amazing dress online over two weeks ago and it still hasn't gotten here. I'm usually not a timid person but I'm hesitant to contact the seller cause I don't want any drama.

Also, I just totally housed a burrito but I want MORE.

Holy shit, I just went out to run some errands and almost choked everyone ever. The outside world is not for me. At least not when everyone is getting off work. Or when the sun is still up.

Hey boss, don't shower me with accolades, offer me a new position I'm not at all qualified for in a nonchalant two minute phone conversation (that started when I called HIM to ask him about something unrelated), tell me to think about it and let you know if I'm interested, all while ALREADY HAVING GIVEN MY JOB TO SOMEONE ELSE A MONTH AGO. I like managing an office where I work with one other awesome person every day. I've never edited video/sound material....don't know if this is a step up, or a step over...if it doesn't work out, then what? So content where I am. So confused. The worst was finding out on Saturday when I filled in at a different office and everyone there already knew this other beeeich* was taking my job. I'll probably have to train her, too.

*She's worked for the company part time for two months and has been lobbying for my job since she started. She was overheard talking with my boss about designing a space for me to work in another office. Everyone I've talked to says she's incapable of doing my job. Go ahead bossmann, self sabotage.

Aaaaaaah, wtf, that's horrible. :-(

As of right now, I think I still have a job though.

And cop, I totally understand. Leaving the house during rush hour is anxiety inducing and not an option.

Seriously! It was awful! I went home, instantly threw down my bags and got in bed. 20 minutes of rest was needed after one trip to Walgreens. Never again.

If I had a dollar for every time I said "I'll go tomorrow" for that reason, I'd have enough to pay someone to go for me.

The new container for red wine vinegar on the salad bar at the work cafeteria lets out too much vinegar.

ahhh i got a parking ticket and my boyfriend's car almost got towed because i was parked "adjacent to school". the thing is that what i was parked to was a church not a shcool. and i called and asked them if they were a school or had a school and no theyre not.

Why is your boyfriend not allowed to park near a school?

You should look into that.

So I sucked it up and contacted the seller today and INCIDENTALLY, they JUST received a notice that a package is waiting for them at the post office, so obviously my dress was "returned" to them. I call bullshit- this asshole obviously never sent me the dress in the first place and now I'm pissed that I now have to wait even longer to get it. Fucking ughhhhhh! I paid for the dress promptly, fucking send it promptly god damn it.

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i guess parking next to a school is illegal from 7am to 3pm.

I'd offer the guy some ice tea and and see what he says, just to be safe.

Left my headphones at home again and had to borrow a co-worker's inferior ones. And they're making my ears hurt.

Some yahoo gave my name and birthday to the police after causing an accident last year on a motorcycle that is apparently registered to my name. I only found out because our insurance guy called my wife and told her our rates where going to go up because of it. I've made three phone calls in the last hour and now know the guy's (alleged) phone number and address. I have everything I need to take this asshole down and I'M SO FUCKING JUICED RIGHT NOW BUT THE FUCKING OFFICER WHO WROTE THE TICKET ISN'T ANSWERING HIS FUCKING PHONE SO I CAN GET THIS SHIT CLEARED UP. How long do I have to wait before I drop the "I pay your salary" bomb on this guy?

Maybe he is busy.

Vert, that suxxxxxx.

I still haven't come to terms with the fact it's October already. Shows keep popping up that seemed like they were super far off (Dum Dum Girls and Melt Banana next week) and I need to get ready to MOVE. But I haven't heard back yet from the current occupants, about whether they'll be out by November 1st or what.

i can't do knife hits in holiday inn express

i bought a booth avocado but i am used to hass avocados so i can't tell when this one is going to be ripe

I keep accidentally mousing over my hot corners (which trigger the screen saver).

And now I am also craving a ripe avocado.

Just had to spend my entire property tax refund and then some on my car unexpectedly.

The ignition has been a little "jammy" or "sticky" for years, but I've always been able to get it started no problem. Last night I had some problems getting it started, the ignition was even jammier than normal, but I eventually got it after a couple minutes. This morning on the way to work took about the same. Left for lunch, managed to get it started, but then I couldn't turn the key when I was trying to come back to work.

Oh well. At least I got a 3.5 hour lunch break out of it. Oh wait, I'm just gonna have to work later instead.

On the bright side, the ignition is now smoother than it was on the day I bought the thing.

I haven't received my property tax refund yet.

Dang. When did you file? I filed mine either on 8/15 or a few days before it, got my refund last week

I am a HUGE dumbass! I filed in April. Just checked the status only to realize...I requested direct deposit. To the checking account I closed. I tried calling the hotline but they are "over capacity" so I just sent an email. Hopefully they can cut me a physical check instead but who knows when that will come.

Blurgh.

I hate encores.

I haven't gotten mine yet, either. We filed on time and all that, but our accountant requested a paper check for some reason even though she requested direct deposit for all the rest of our refunds. Maybe that's what's holding it up. Any other homeowners get their check yet?

Yeah I'm not surprised Slee ZZ, checks are always slower, so if you filed near August 15 you shouldn't be concerned. Yet.

Yeah, when I check the "Where's My Refund?" thing, I'm told that my return has been processed and that I should only contact them if I haven't gotten my check by Oct. 15th. But I'm impatient here in this First World.

I woke up this morning with a wicked crick in my neck.

So did you guys make out or what?

awesome

i'm behind on paperwork and now i have to have a meeting about it. even though most of it's done but i just hadn't filed it. but i did today and all last weekend.

I was on the list for the show I was going to shoot tonight at First Ave, but with a +1 instead of a photo pass and no one in the place could find a fucking tour manager.

The Shellac show at the Bell House is sold out :(

When I was driving home tonight a giant spider appeared on the windshield right in front of my face. Thankfully I was just pulling up to a red light and was able to calmly take a tissue, grab the fucker and throw him out the window.

Keeping your wits about you in the face of a bug/spider encounter is a sign of true character. Well done.

Thanks :-)

my pita got moldy :(

Woke up to a crew of men in front of my house. Wood chipping away the tree stump from the boulevard tree that was knocked down by straight line winds two years ago.
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sharyn
10/05/11 12:06 AM When I was driving home tonight a giant spider appeared on the windshield right in front of my face. Thankfully I was just pulling up to a red light and was able to calmly take a tissue, grab the fucker and throw him out the window.

I would have immediately crashed my car into the nearest building just to kill the spider if this happened to me. Fuck a car spider.

The stolen car abandoned in our driveway has not yet been reported as stolen by the owner, and the MPD can't get a hold of the owner, so it's now my responsibility to call the tow company to get it off our property. I have to get ready for my early lunch date with Mannyapolis, I don't have all day to wait for tow trucks.

Can't you just find some brawny dudes passing by and offer them some Mentos?


Also, what Adam said about car spiders X 10000.

My former crazy roommate made her dad buy her a new car because her current one had a spider living in it that repeated car washes and auto-detailing couldn't get rid of.

She makes a good point

A few years back a wasp or hornet or something like that flew into my car. I didn't notice it at the time. It was on the area behind the backseat, just inside the rear windshield (is that a windshield?). I have not taken the corpse out. I leave it there as a warning to all other bugs about what will happen if they enter my car.

It must have died from overheating or something because it looks like it's just standing there.

once i had a nest of squirrels living in my car while i was out of town for a few months. it sucked so bad when i got on the highway with dog and he found them and everyone was freaking out.

you bridged national lampoon's summer vacation and christmas vacation in one fell swoop

Currently enduring The Current, in an attempt to win guest spots for X tomorrow night.

Never got the appeal of X.
Certainly not enough to listen to the Current for tix.

i only ever listened to los angeles, but i would listen to the current for free tickets.

"enduring" hahahahhaha! i've never heard a more apt word for that listening experience.

And all I got was a busy signal when I tried calling in. I have way way better luck winning tickets from Radio K. Or asking someone I know for a +1 or to get on a list, but I dislike asking for those sorts of favors.

my personal trainer got the flu so i have to workout by myself tonight.

Man, I didn't realize car spiders were such a big deal! I had a white one on the inside of my windshield the other day. I was like, 'sup brah.

oh, a spider sympathizer.

i also fear no spiders in cars, i try to remove them because i dont imagine there is a lot of blood in there

but you never know

you people and yr insect phobias

ya seriously. wimps! i don't care if my opinion is unpopular.

I had a spider living in my car for my entire junior year of high school. Each morning I'd get in my car, remove all the web threads from my steering wheel, and go about my day. You know what I didn't have? Insects in my car. Wanna know why? Because the spider ate them all.

i make exceptions to my acceotance, tho:
centipedes with the arched legs, cockroaches, etc = fuck you.

Word. Fuck a centipede. Or silverfish. Those guys are horrifying.

silverfish BUG me eternally, but don't particularly gross me.

Totally. I mean, they're pretty filling but they taste terrible.

First world problem: I can't remember whether Manny has stated his position on car spiders and whether he has a mixed marriage in that regard, but I don't want to have to load the entire thread. Thanks for nothing, fast mode.

calcium

J Low, he names the spiders that hang out in our porch window each summer. Mutual spider-lovers.

GAAAAAH if you two get any cuter I'm gonna have a stroke!!!!!!

My kid is mad at me. Because I told him I want him to try eating a taco for dinner tonight.

Piginthepool

I thought of a really good tweet last night before going to bed and I meant to tweet it, but I forgot to and now I can't even remember it.

a fucking bird just flew out of the urinal and gave me a killer handy....now that's what i call a good tweet

i laffed

I'd prefer to pay more for Pall Malls than smoke these $1 packs of American Spirit another day.

I was on my way to an Independent Medical Exam in Burnsville for my court case against Progressive Insurance following an accident last June that was not my fault.
You're not supposed to miss these and I already rescheduled once.

I realized I needed gas severely, so I stopped at the SA on 36th and Nicollet. I filled up and was getting back in my car when a cop, parked in one of those nondescript interceptors, started calling my name.

I was super confused and in a huge hurry, but I went to him. He said my license is suspended for unpaid fines from expired tabs back in May, that will be 300 dollars, and don't try to drive your car until your license is reinstated because we're watching you.

What. The. Fuck. This was for Dakota county, from back when I was working in South St. Paul. I paid the ticket over the phone and called to have my license reinstated, but of course, my payment won't post to their archaic systems for days.

I walked my rickety, sickly ass home to 25th, where I am honest to god wondering if bad luck is real. Meanwhile, my car is hanging out by the SA and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get it home.

shit get a friend to pick it up with you so it doesnt get towed.

I think danjohnson is dealing with it for me because I am this close to a full-on 8-day bathrobe marathon/watch-The-Princess-Bride-11-times-in-a-row depressive meltdown.

aw what a nice guy. hope you feel better!

Thanks, dude. What a bad fucking day.

This cabernet sauvignon is terrible!

To many good TV shows on Thursday nights.

Yeah. Sure.

Parks and Rec
Always Sunny
The League
Jersey Shore

Plus, for the next few weeks playoff baseball will take precedent any night of the week.

My poor DVR can barely take it.

I got superglue on my fingers, typing on my phone now feels like diddling with the non-dominant hand.
Weird.

friday, more like blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah whatever

I thought a car was driving by that needed a belt replaced, but when the sound didn't leave for 45 minutes (still going strong, actually), I realized that somebody is practicing some horrible hippie music near the park. It's too nice to close the windows, though.

i drank a five hour energy a few hours ago, now realizing that five hours was too much of a commitment.

are you supposed to give 5 hour energy to demon spawn?

only tears and goatsblood.

My full frame camera, a Canon 5d, failed during a photo shoot last Thursday. I thought it was a bad battery. I ordered a replacement battery online and spent more for rush delivery, but it didn't get here because of Columbus Day. So I went out and bought another one today, for $64. It wasn't the battery. Camera is dead. Just had to ship it back to Canon. Blurgh. (The L series lens I bought at the same time as that body is also in need of repair. It is supposed to be a 17-40mm but is stuck at 40)

Since I've been unemployed, I easily forget which day of the week it is and get false excited for events and tv shows that are days away. I just had to let myself down that I don't have a new episode of Project Runway to watch yet.

ugh, h8 it when you can't get the small strands off a string cheese

Someone stopped the break room microwave with 3:56 left to go on it so when I walked in there I saw it and immediately though "almost four o'clock - finally this day is nearing its end" only discover that its only 2 fucking thirty

The TV I bought is too big to fit in my car so I have to go back with the Voytek molester van later tonight.

That is a first world problem.

These incense charcoals don't burn very long. Lame.

You know it's Saturday, right.

My folks got me the "collector's edition" of "The Thing" and it doesn't have the classic artwork.

I managed to get to three functions today but feel badly about missing the comic book convention, the big gay race and a friend's last minute bday gathering.

eBay fucking sucks.

sharyn
10/15/11 10:45 PM

I managed to get to three functions today but feel badly about missing the comic book convention


Severe nerd alert

working on a sunday.

BOOOOOOO to that shit.

I'm in TX visiting my internet dude, and the day I got here, he came down with a nasty cold, which I promptly caught. Cool vacation, bro.

my roommate keeps eating my food, valleyfair's best rides were closed today, it took forever to get brunch, and someone keeps making fucking parrot noises outside

drewcifer
10/16/11 7:05 PM
...and someone keeps making fucking parrot noises outside

You mean talking? Maybe about crackers?

maybe it is a parrot. call animal control.

Replaced the alternator in my car. Fine and dandy. Easy easy easy.

Now the car won't turn over. Battery won't get jumped. Battery won't charge. Punch punch punch punch.

Costco sells giant bags of popcorn - a blend of cheese and caramel corn like a Candyland knockoff. And once you open a bag you can't stop. Shit is totally addictive, and turns your fingers orange.

Somehow my classmates decided not to learn shit when we were supposed so they keep coming to me asking questions. It is distracting and superfuckingannoying.

sharyn - My aunt busted some of that out around the camp fire this weekend and I was all "What the hell!? This shit isn't supposed to mix!" and then the bag was empty in my hand and I was all "What the hell!? There isn't anymore of this out here?!"

The bag said it was a "Chicago Mix" whatever thats supposed to mean.

I think that comes from Garret's Popcorn Shops based outta Chicago.

If you are at all enamored of anything remotely seasonal Costco sells, STOCK UP. It'll be there and then gone.

My "working from home" day has coincided with a "tear down the building nexdoor" day.

boris parsley
10/17/11 2:25 PM
If you are at all enamored of anything remotely seasonal Costco sells, STOCK UP. It'll be there and then gone.

I had wondered about this! I've only been there two or three times now but have noticed that they no longer have a few things I had picked up (and liked) on my first visit. They will still have gasoline though. The other day it was about 15 cents a gallon less than at most other gas stations.

Club stores do everything on three or six month rotations. Some rotations get renewed, some don't, and some become seasonal.

You'll find one-shot items and products left behind from in-store demos that go quicker and with finality. Still kicking myself for only taking one case of Moosehead in June. Two days later it was gone.

Costco supposedly is streets ahead all retail when it comes to turning inventory (something like a complete turnover in 29 days versus an industry average twice that), but their strategies can be frustrating.

Stop trying to make "streets ahead" happen.

The fork on my road bike snapped off while I was riding to my office job in the suburbs, leaving me stranded in the barren wasteland of Beaverton.

Ouch! That is a legitimate grip right there. Sorry to hear it!

I don't like my new driver's license picture (or my old one, for that matter).

I bought some tissue paper with glitter on it, opened the package, and now the glitter is EVERYWHERE and for some reason it's impossible to clean up. It looks like a stripper exploded in my kitchen.

The voice of experience.

coach logged in on emily's account again

i keep thinking today is wednesday.

The repairman who is here to hook up the bathroom radiator has been here for 3 and a half hours and I really have to pee.

Also it took me 32 years to like wild rice.

i keep thinking today is wednesday too.

my first world problem is that i keep having meetings that start at 7am.

We have those, but it's largely to accommodate non-first-world coworkers.

There's a super sweet powder blue Ranchero with topper for sale at 60th and Portland. Its collector license plate reads GREEK-2

Not really a complaint.

Currently surrounded by sick people in the waiting room at the clinic.

The repairman who is here to hook up the bathroom radiator has been here for 3 and a half hours and I really have to pee.

The guy that was supposed to show up between 10 and noon and showed up at 9:24? I woke up to STOMPSTOMPSTOMPSTOMPSTOMP *i don't know where the boiler is* STOMPSTOMPSTOMPSTOMP

But having a nice baffroom radiator is totes worth it. Put your towel on that. Warm towel. Aw yeah.

I don't know where the slumlord comes up with some of these clowns.

It was even earlier than that, I think, because airloom hadn't left for work yet.

Did he stop in and bleed your radiators? If not, let me know, I think I still have a radiator key somewhere.

For his trouble, that plumber also got a parking ticket because the priss(es) across the street called the city on his truck for "blocking" one of their driveways.

But the creep working in your yard on the other hand, ay yai YAI...

Prospect Cult

Plus the dude never actually called me first like he was supposed to. So I am completely out of the loop on everything. They said 10-12. I have had a lot of problems with fix-it people showing up too early. Jerks.

danjohnson
10/17/11 4:07 PM
Stop trying to make "streets ahead" happen.

That sentiment is very "streets behind".

haha radiator dude bent my ear for 15 minutes about the ticket. I blamed it on the new people who just moved in there.

I'm pretty sure they got a ticket the last time they were there too

My Sex and the City season three DVD is over and I have a cat on my lap and Mannyapolis is at practice, so I have to watch something on Netflix instant instead because nobody can change the DVD.

Wednesday morning flights are a decent bet for an upgrade but there's no first class on this plane.

The lamb vindaloo that's being served in the cafeteria today -- as part of a "celebrate the culture of South Asia" day -- has a spiciness rating of negative 3 on a scale of 1 to 5, probably so as not to offend the timid palates of the employees here, most of whom are probably too scared to try the exotic-looking lamb vindaloo in the first place.

Sad!

I want tacos but don't want to put pants on in order to go procure said tacos. So I might just have a sad can of soup instead.

Damn! I'm missing shitty lamb vindaloo at work today.

The absolutely gorgeous John Varvatos briefcase I bought for coach is made of over dyed leather which has transferred onto two pairs of his light colored pants. Now the pants are ruined, and I just realized the bag can only be returned for store credit. Will probably sell on eBay to a person who wears only dark colors.

I only wear black pants.

I like the idea of a briefcase, but I can't think of anything I would actually carry in one.

Was there a disclaimer tag on the briefcase when you bought it about color transfer? If not, contact John Varvatos customer service and complain and maybe you can get your money back plus some for the ruined pants. It's worth a shot anyway.

lol emily that was a j low quality post

I already called John varvatos customer service. They didn't have any advice for me other than to try to return it to where I bought it. The guy said nobody had complained about this before. He also sounded like he was about 22 years old and had no idea what he was doing.

Coach talked to two leather repair shops and they both said it's a major design flaw in that they used a type of leather that is known to bleed dye, and there is nothing they can do about it.

emily
10/19/11 6:15 PM

Will probably sell on eBay to a person who wears only dark colors.

Maybe Savage Clone needs a briefcase?

Too bad Johnny cash is dead, amirite?

That seems like total bullshit. Seal it with shellac maybe?

"Could I please speak with a supervisor?"

a) First of all, I despise it when customer service drones are instructed to feign ignorance of known design flaws.
b) It seems like there should be some kind of dye fixative that will handle this. I have a friend who has worked with leather for many years, including tanning and hand-dyeing (he learned the trade repairing antique leather-bound books.) I'll see if he knows any tricks. If you know the name or the model number of the bag, that will help, so we can identify the type of leather.
It sucks, but it sounds like the company is reluctant to help, and this way at least Coach can carry his fancy briefcase. There's gotta be a way.

I never expected Varvatos to do anything about it. I didn't buy it through them or a "major retailer", it's several seasons old, and at the point that I talked to them I was still hoping to keep the briefcase and I never asked them to take it from me as a return or anything. I thought maybe they would have a suggestion on how to treat the leather.

We took it to the leather shop on Grand by Penzeys, when they didn't know what to do they referred us to a place in roseville.

I'm just going to sell it on eBay with a warning. I still wish there was a way to make it work, I don't want to return it.

Just have Coach wear leather pants all the time. Problem solved.

Boom, sexy problem solved.

i just coughed so hard from a bong hit that i almost threw up.
FUCK LIFE.

dude. but then you can eat again.

This garam masala i lazed out and bought from the coop is too clove heavy! Now these caramelized onions are gonna taste like goddamn pie filling! Plus I made way the fuck too many burger patties for the two of us to eat. Bwaaaaaaaaaah

Also, the 8 billion Fela Kuti records i've been downloading over the past few days are all starting to sound the same. RHODES PIANO. I GET IT. I LOVE IT BUT I GET IT. I DON'T WANT TO WAIT THROUGH THE SAME 8 MINUTES OF JAMS TO GET TO THE REST.

Somebody stab my privilege in the brains so I stop feeling bad.

haha. yeah, i got a tony allen disc recently and it just kinda went in one ear and out the other. sounds GREAT, but there's nothing there for me that I can't find on 20 FK recs. Live would be the bomb tho I'm sure.

Something about the fall always makes me want to fall into a Fela hole. Thank god for his drumming, when it kicks in locktight the world is perfect but good god this hole i'm digging is only deep enough.

I just want everything to sound like Roforofo Fight again for the first time.

word

Zombie was my first and favorite!

You have to go through U.S. Immigration and Customs at the Toronto airport and there's no separate lane for U.S. passport holders. Boo.

Hell, at least you're not doing it on your with a rock band.

After an excruciatingly long phone call with a classic case of the personality type I like to call "know it all Mac asshole", the one day I can listen to music while I do my job my cheap headphones stop working in the right ear.

Scots are the WORST

Well yes, but I'm talking about something else